Final Fantasy Cheese
by F. David Schultz
Summary: The story of Final Fantasy VII retold as it really happened. Follow the adventures of Jim McFeatherbury, Sarah the goat, and a host of others. Rated as one of the best, and funniest, Fan Fics at the FF7 Citadel. -Complete-
1. Introduction

Final Fantasy Cheese 

Introduction 

We all know the story of Final Fantasy VII. It's a tale of love, sadness and corruption. It's probably the greatest tale ever told. But... is it accurate? The tale is filled with confusion and holes. Many holes that cannot be explained. Holes much like swiss cheese. I am here to say that the Final Fantasy VII story is not about the battle against Sephiroth, the war with Shinra or saving the planet in its time of need. Oh sure, these make the story more flashy, more pleasing to the eye. It's filled with amazing things never thought possible.   
Now, let's go over the problems with Final Fantasy VII. First of all, the story doesn't deal with this so called, "Cloud Strife". No, FF7 (as some have called it) is about old Jim McFeatherburry. He's an old goat farmer from the Kalm area.   
The next problem is that many people believe that there were all these crazy characters like Aeris Gainborough, Tifa Lockhart, Barret Wallace and so many others. No, old Jim's team consisted of himself, Sarah his special goat, Harry Smith and Jessica G. Merry. They were all close friends from around the world. Of course, by around the world I mean by Jim's next door neighbours. Fine, there are a few people who join him from around the world, but I can't spoil the entire surprise, can I?   
Of course there's the bad guy, Sephiroth. Look at the guy for just a second. He wears a cool trench coat, he's popular around the women and he has a big psycho sword. The guy is just so cool! Nope, never existed, not for a minute. The real bad guy of this story was ugly, old and had a large mutant fish that he attacked people with. His name was Olaf. They changed him to the Sephiroth character because who would ever believe a fish swinging, old guy named Olaf could be the really big evil bad guy.   
So, we've established that Final Fantasy VII isn't all that it seems. I'm just telling you all the truth, and the truth must be told. I can't let the entire world live the lie that FF7 is. Now, you're wondering how they got the masterpiece that is, Final Fantasy VII, out of some goat farmer, a pack of neighbours and a fish swinging, old guy. Well, quite frankly.. I don't know. Creative work from the "writers" I'd guess and maybe a little bit of luck.   
So, I guess you all want to know about Jim's great adventure and how it gave life to the greatest story ever. It all happened many years ago. Just think back, way back now. We're talking really far. No, no, no, too far! There, that's absolutely perfect! Now, don't move and let me tell the story.   
So, we have Jim, his goat, Harry, Jessica and Olaf right? We have the components of our story. Every story needs these or else it will crash and burn. Okay, not every story but you know what I'm saying, right? We have our mighty hero, a cute fuzzy thing who does no good, a tough guy who's as strong as the hero, some girl and the evil villain.   
You think we're done with this little introduction? Ha! Not likely. The Final Fantasy VII world is pretty much the same. We have Kalm, the peaceful little town, right by it is Midgar the huge city. Well, it wasn't so much Midgar as Wigfarm and not so much as a huge city as a huge wig district. Basically, the world capital was a big wig outlet.   
That's not all that's different. The chocobo farm is still around, the writers at Squaresoft wouldn't dare mess with those chocobos. They're still the real deal! There's that big swamp where the Midgar Zolom lives. However, it was more of a small lagoon with tiny little snakes called Wigfarm Zoloms. However, they aren't relevant to the story so we don't have to make much mention to them. Beyond the lagoon are those mines. These were more of a huge hidden wig factory for Wigfarm. Fort Condor, never existed but Junon did! It's still the same, just try to imagine it with polka-dots, polka music, polka everything.   
We all know that big huge Western Continent, right? Well, think of it more like Western Mini-Continent. Actually, it was more of a really big island. Okay, generally big. Fine, fine! It was kinda big in its own way.   
There was no Nibelheim, or a Corel Town. There was still Gold Saucer though. However, it was called Bronze Bowl and closed down about five years before the adventure started when the rides rusted and fell apart. Cosmo Canyon was still around and so was Costa del Sol. However, Cosmo Canyon was more of a big fishing town and Costa del Sol wasn't the great vacation spot like in FF7. Well, it still attracted tourists, but more for their Museum of Cheese and Rotten Ham. I know, not as sparkly but remember, the people who wrote Final Fantasy VII exaggerated, alot.   
Wutai, not there, never has been there, never will be there. Oh sure, there are some legends that it has existed and still does but, come on! No one believes the old guy down the street! Maybe he's right but no one knows and no one really cares. So, who're we really going to believe here? The old guy, the FF7 writers or me? I thought so.   
There's that big ol' Temple of the Ancients. However, we'll soon establish that the Ancients, or the Cetra, aren't all that they seemed. The forested temple was much more of hut. Yeah, a little grass hut. We'll find out more about this later on in our story.   
Of course, there's Mideel. The town destroyed by Ultimate WEAPON. Well, in actuality, Wigfarm tore them apart when Mideel tried opening Grandpa Jeffrey's Wig Shop. Poor Grandpa Jeffrey, never could walk the same after that. Or talk, or think, or.. anything really. That big old island is there, the town is more of the remnants of the looming cloud of death and destruction.   
Finally, we have the northern continent. Great place, it is! Yeah, Icicle Inn is there, but it's called "Froofroo's Skiing and Snow Hiking Death Trap". Wonderful place to go, bad idea to visit if you ever plan on seeing your family ever again. There's the Bone Village but nothing interesting has ever happened there since those monsters came and ate all of the paleontologists. Best not to discuss that ever again. The Northern Crater isn't really there. It's more of a digging site for more wigs. For some odd reason, the people at Wigfarm thought there were wigs up there.   
A few last notes to end this introduction. The WEAPONs of the planet are more like the fuzzy stuffed animals of the planet. The Cetra are kinda the same as in FF7. They're still the old race of people with great powers and are in touch with the planet. Or, at least they were in touch with the planet every Thursday and Saturday when they had their little "private parties". I don't even wanna know what happened there, man. The stink of week old alcohol wafted as far as Old Man Orson's Steak Shop. The Cetra weren't so much an ancient race as the weird people who lived a few blocks away.   
There's nothing else to really say. All questions will be answered in the true telling of Final Fantasy VII. This is the true story, the story about what really happened. This is Final Fantasy Cheese!   



	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Opening Cinematic

The stars glowed and shone. So often, a star will shatter and vanish. With it, goes a people, a knowledge, a story. New stars will be born, new life, new challenges. All balanced together are life and death, creation and destruction.   
"Ahhh! My hair, my beautiful, beautiful hair! How can I go outside looking like this?" screamed a little man. He was wearing fuzzy blue slippers, a matching robe and he was staring into a mirror. His face was frozen in a look of horror. His deep blue eyes were widened, his mouth hung open. His hair was a fright of blonde hair, sticking out on all ends. It was the worst case of "bed head" the tiny town of Kalm had ever seen. This, was Jim McFeatherburry.   
"By the goats, my hair's never been so horrible. I need to get a comb, some gel, a hat!" Jim exclaimed, beginning a little rant. "This is awful!"   
Ding dong! The bell rang throughout the house and the sound of a goat rummaging around the house, then running to the door, and finally smacking right into the door could be heard.   
"Oh, Sa-rah!" Jim groaned. He started walking towards the door, momentarily forgetting about his atrocious hair. Although, as he was shoving the dizzied goat out of the way of the door, the thought struck him. "I can't let anyone see my hair like this!"   
The man frantically searched for a hat, but every hat in the house must've decided to play hide and seek. He sighed, the door bell rang again and his eyes focused on that gray goat, Sarah. He smiled.   
"Hiya, Jim! I was hoping I could borrow a cup of sugar. The market doesn't open for another hour and my coffee doesn't taste nearly as good without sugar. How've you been- Is that a goat on your head, Jim?" The person standing at the door was Jessica Merry. Her long brown hair hung about her shoulders, freshly combed. She was wearing a beautiful blue dress that hung down below her knees. In her hand, she had a large polka-dot cup which had the word, "Junon" printed on it. She blinked her green eyes curiously at Jim.   
"Yes it is and her name is Sarah. I'll get you some sugar." Jim turned and walked from the door, down a hall and on the way to his kitchen.   
Jessica watched him walk off and murmured to herself, "That guy spends way too much time around his goats." She waited a moment longer, and Jim soon returned, goat still on head, with a jar of sugar. He poured some into the cup, enough to fill it to the brim.   
"There you are. Have a good morning! Talk to you later, Jess."   
Jessica said her thanks, slowly turned away and began walking back across the street to her house. She mumbled softly to herself, shaking her head as she went.   
Closing the door, Jim walked back down the hall and returned to his bathroom to fix his hair. He took Sarah off his head and set her back on the ground. "Now, let's see if we can- Ahh! It's worse!"   
So, Jim frantically began combing, gelling, washing and scrubbing his hair. "Well, it looks a little better. I suppose." Instead of the frizzed mess from before, his hair was now spiked straight out on the left side of his head. "What do you think?" he asked, turning to the goat. Sarah backed away and hid in fear. "Well, I guess it's off to Wigfarm. They have tons of hair care junk. They've deprived the rest of the world of selling it, too. If only someone could stop them and their evil monopoly. Oh well, come on Sarah, let's go."   
Jim put on his clothes, forest green pants and t-shirt. He had a pair of black sneakers, and finally managed to dig a red baseball cap out of a closet. He grabbed a backpack, some extra gil, a red leash for Sarah, and his Bungle Sword. It was a special custom made sword he got for himself from the owner of the weapon shop. It was a trusty blade, thin, light, and about four and a half feet long. He nodded, feeling he was ready and set off.   
It was just himself and Sarah, trudging out of Kalm and off into Wigfarm, the largest city on the planet. It was only about a half hour walk to Wigfarm. It was a simple enough journey, navigating through the giant wig outlet was the hard part.   
"A lovely day, isn't it Sarah?" Jim asked his goat. He knew she wouldn't reply, but found he could still have some interesting conversations with the old girl. They walked along, when suddenly Jim heard a noise. "What's that?"   
It was a small pack of Kalm Fang heading straight towards the two. "Get ready Sarah. Those things look hungry." Jim said to Sarah, drawing his sword, holding it carefully in both hands as the pack bounded forward. 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Ball Market

"Here they come!" Jim exclaimed. The Kalm Fang were almost there. The beasts jumped. Jim got ready to slash, Sarah smashed a hoof against the ground. Jim's eyes were locked on his target, a jumping Fang: the leader. "Alalaorfaleed!" Jim let loose his battle cry.   
And then it was over. The Fangs ran off into the distance without a scratch. Jim and Sarah stood there dumfounded. What had just happened?   
"Hurrah! Victory is ours, Sarah!" Jim began dancing, swinging his sword through the air. "Da ba da brum prum bum da da dum!" he sang, as he twirled around.   
Sarah let out the goat's equivalant of a sigh and started chewing on some grass. Jim resheathed his sword, picked up Sarah's leash and continued walking along. He was still humming his his victory song as they came closer to Wigfarm. Wigfarm was a huge place, much larger than Kalm and filled with many strange, disturbing, and grotesque things.   
They approached one of the gates, this one to Sector 5. There were eight different sections that made up Wigfarm. It had two levels, the lower level and the upper level. The upper level people were the ones with really good wigs and the lower level people had really bad wigs. Well, it was something like that.   
Jim approached the gate, inserted a key card into a specially designed slot and the gate slowly opened. "Well, let's go shopping!" Jim said enthusiastically. He cheerily walked through the gate with his goat.   
They walked around for quite some time. Longer than that, a long time. No, longer still, longer... longer... too long! Perfect!   
"Ow! My feet feel like they're on fire. Come on Sarah, let's rest for a minute over in that park," Jim suggestion. They sat down and relaxed in a grubby old park. Wigfarm was still a huge wig and hair product city but it also had a residential aspect to it. So, the two were sitting back, relaxing, taking it easy in Sector 6 (they walked there from Sector 5). There was a large gate visible from the park, it was the gate to Sector 7.   
The gate creaked open and a chocobo driven carriage emerged. It was heading towards Ball Market, where the true sleaze of Wigfarm resided. There was a young lady gazing out the window of the carriage.   
"Y'know, she looks familiar, Sarah," Jim said thoughtfully, rubbing his feet. He had taken off his sneakers and was trying to cool off his burning toes.   
Sarah let out a cry and started jumping about in her goat-like ways. Jim looked at the goat curiously and took one close look at the lady in the carriage as it vanished.   
"Wait a minute. That was Jessica! What's she doing here? Come on, Sarah, let's check it out!" Jim shoved on his shoes and started running off, followed closely by Sarah.   
The two found themselves in Ball Market, the grungiest, ugliest, most disgusting place in all of Wigfarm. There were a number of beaten up shacks as well as the odd shop.   
Jim walked up to a large sign which read, "Looking for a good time? Visit the Honeydew Hotel! Follow the arrow!"   
"Hmm.. I dunno Sarah. I'm not sure where to go for a good time. Oh wait! Follow the arrow! Ha ha! Another problem solved!" Jim exclaimed happily and began walking in the direction the arrow pointed. Sarah followed with her head hanging.   
The companions stood before a large building. It was painted green and pink, a dreadful conbination. Maybe it would've looked good if it was a fancy green, however this was that disgusting pukey green. Yeah, that green.   
Jim started to walk into the building with Sarah, when a man blocked his path. "Hey now!" he said in a gruff voice. "We don't have none of those there goaties around here!"   
"So, if you don't have none, then you do have some. Excellent!" Jim tried walking by cheerily, but the man pushed him away.   
"Hey thar! Doncha make me look like a darn poopin' fool!"   
"Well, it's not like it's very hard to do so. I mean, I'm not particularly bright myself, but at least I know a double negative when I hear one."   
"That's it! Either the goat stays here or you ain't gettin' inside!"   
Jim sighed, "All right." He knelt down by Sarah. "Now, you be a good goat Sarah. Don't let that guy touch you, and if he does..." Jim paused, looked up at the man and then whispered quietly to Sarah. "eat his shoes."   
Jim stood again, Sarah trotted away from the entrance, and the stupid man let him pass.   
He found himself surrounded by the orange and purple walls of the Honeydew Hotel. It was a nice place, despite its poor colour and lousy decorations. Jim wandered around the lobby for a moment, then walked into a room.   
A man stood there and waved to Jim. "Hi there! I'm Mukki!" he called happily.   
"Ahh!" Jim screamed, turned around and ran as fast as he possibly could out of that place. He panted and tried catching his breath beside Sarah who was nibbling on a pair of shoes, still being warn by the stupid man who had stopped the two only moments ago.   
"Git yer darn poopin' goat offa me!" the man yelled angrily.   
"I'm never going in that place again." Jim shuddered. He looked at Sarah, sitting on the man, eating his shoes. "Well, I could get her off, but that'd be too easy. Besides, she's probably hungry and your shoes look tasty."   
The two quickly went on their way when the man tried chasing him. The key word there is 'tried' because he started to sink into some mud allowing Jim and Sarah to make a clean get away.   
"Well Sarah, how do you suppose we find Jess?" Jim asked. He looked around the large Ball Market. It was definately a unique place. He slowly began wandering about, trailed by Sarah.   
Jim walked up to a young woman. "Hello," she said. She was wearing a long green dress that hid her feet, matching eyes that sparkled and her long black hair hung half way down her back, braided.   
"Oh, hello there," Jim replied, smiling. "I'm Jim and this is my goat Sarah."   
The woman smiled to the two, "I'm Florence. I'm selling these rubber chocobos for one gil a piece. Would you like one?"   
"Ooh, such lovely chocobos. All right, I'll take one."   
Jim handed Florence one gil and in return she handed him a large, yellow, rubber chocobo. Jim slung off his pack and started stuffing the rubber chocobo into it.   
"I don't suppose you can help me find a friend of mine. Her name's Jessica, about as tall as you, maybe a bit shorter. She was wearing a blue dress and was riding in a carriage."   
Florence thought a moment. "I thought I saw I woman in a carriage. She was heading to Dirk Oreo's mansion. Weird and frightening things happen there, or so the stories go."   
"Then I have to save her! Off I go! Come on Sarah," Jim said as he began walking.   
"Wait a second! You can't just walk in there. You need help, from someone who knows their way around. I'm coming with you!" Florence said with authority.   
"Great, the more the merrier. Thanks for your help. What about your rubber chocobo stand?"   
"Oh, don't worry about it. It'll be fine. You're the first person who's bought one in three months. I'm not worried." Florence began walking towards Oreo's mansion. "Follow me and you can't go wrong."   
The three made their way to the entrance of Dirk Oreo's mansion. It was a huge place, covered in glittering lights of all shapes and colour.   
There was a man on guard, he had sunglasses and a large coat. Slowly, they started to move past him but he stopped them before they could continue further.   
"Hey, you guys just can't waltz on in there! Especially not you two," the guard pointed to Jim and Sarah. "However, you little lady, I could let in any day. Heh heh."   
Florence blinked nervously and then whispered to Jim, "I have a plan, but there'll be a bit of a delay."   



	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The Gengai

Florence dragged Jim deep into the street, away from Dirk Oreo's mansion.   
"So, what's this plan of yours?" Jim questioned.   
"Well, they only let in women right? No goats or men or anything. So, it's quite simple really. It doesn't take much to see what we have to do," Florence began.   
"Hey, wait just a second! You're not planning what I think you are, are you?"   
Florence smiled sheepishly. "Depends on what you thought I was planning."   
"I think you're going to make us dress up as women in an insane farce to sneak into Dirk's mansion."   
"Why no, that's not what I had planned at all. Come on Jim, why would I embarrass you like that? No, we're going to cover ourselves in rubber chocobos in order to disguise ourselves. We'll slip past the guard and then find your little friend."   
"Oh! Well, that plan works out so much better. Let's go!" 

After some time, lots of glue, tape and grumbling the three were ready. Sarah was carefully covered in rubber chocobos, as was Florence. Unfortunately, Jim was dressed in a pretty, frilly, pink dress. Included was a pink bow and extravagant pink slippers.   
"I thought we were going to avoid this little problem," Jim growled unhappily.   
"Well, I didn't know there wasn't enough rubber chocobos to cover all of us. I suppose it's better this way, it doesn't look quite so suspicious," Florence said, smiling nervously.   
"And why didn't we start by putting the disguise on myself and Sarah, first?"   
"Well, that's a very good question Jim and I'll answer it in time. First, let's get into Oreo's mansion!"   
So, the three companions again went to the mansion and were again confronted by the guard.   
Jim began speaking in his most feminine, squeakiest voice, "Hello. I'd like to go in and see Dirk Oreo."   
"Well of course little lady, walk right in," the guard replied, smiling.   
Jim slid in, cautiously followed by Sarah and Florence who were carefully camouflaged in rubber chocobos. It was a very simple operation.   
They wasted no time. They ran up a flight of golden steps and came to a golden door at the top. Everything appeared to be gold. They burst through the door as Jim cried out, "We're coming Jessica!"   
Within, they found a dozen women, clad in horribly sewn sumo outfits playing a game of chess with deformed pieces. Included, was Dirk Oreo judging the tournament.   
The group blinked and nervously looked around at this strange turn of events. "Um..." Jim spoke up. Everyone in the room was staring at him. "Is there a Jessica Merry here?"   
Soon, a sumo came bouncing up. It was Jessica. She was whispering to him quite loudly, "Jim! What are you doing here?"   
"Saving you. What does it look like?"   
"Oh good God, Jim! Come on, let's go. We're leaving."   
As the sumo suited Jessica was shoving lady Jim back out the door, a new man appeared. He was wearing a black suit and had red hair that spiked out on all ends. He was being followed by a bald man carrying a stereo. The stereo was playing some sort of strange music that including some snazzy finger snapping. Each were wearing thick black sunglasses.   
"...." Was all that came from the bald man.   
"Shut up, Parrot!" the red haired man commanded.   
"..."   
"Just shut up for a second!" red hair shouted again. He then turned and walked out in the middle of the sumo chess tournament. "Yo! Dirk, we gotta talk to ya."   
Before they new it, Dirk Oreo, a little fat man dressed in gold chains and an expensive gold suit was running as fast as he could, toppling chess boards and sumo chess players as he went. He was immediately tripped by the bald man.   
"...."   
"Parrot! Don't you get it? Come on, let's take this guy, Gengai wants him fast."   
The red haired man and Parrot grabbed Dirk from the ground and dragged him out.   
"Well, that was odd. Let's go find out what's going on!" Jim exclaimed.   
"Wait a second! We're just going to chase after them for no reason at all?" Jessica exclaimed.   
"No, of course not! They'll probably lead us to the hair care products that I need and crave. Now, let's go!" Jim began running off behind Parrot and the red-head.   
Florence watched Jim run off and turned to Jessica. "Does he always act like that?"   
Jessica nodded sadly and began walking after Jim, Sarah sighed and trotted after Jessica and Florence followed Sarah, pulling rubber chocobos off her dress as she walked.   
Their journey took them in a large loop around Wigfarm. Finally, they all gave up and went back to Kalm.   
  
"I can't believe you made us walk all around Wigfarm for nothing, Jim," Florence sighed.   
"Well, it wasn't my fault," Jim said, defensively.   
"Yes it is. Now shut up Jim. Let's just get home and sleep," Jessica commanded.   
Jim sighed and said nothing further as they walked along the beaten path to Kalm. As they entered the town, they found an old man blocking their path. It was Harry Smith, Jim's crazy next door neighbour. He was black, wearing a puffy blue vest, pants and matching hat that was kind of like a giant pillow that covered most of Harry's head. Harry was called by many, "The human equivalent of a marshmallow."   
"They're coming. I heard them talking to me! The planet's speaking to me! The planet's saying that they're coming," Harry said in a dazed and somewhat confused tone of voice yet still had a hint of seriousness.   
"Oh great, he was at one of the 'private parties' again," Jessica groaned. "Tell us Harry, tell us about the deep, insightful message from the planet this time."   
"No! Not here. Come inside my home children. The streets have eyes and the buildings have ears. Quickly now!" Harry hurriedly turned and dashed off down the street. He was pretty quick for an old, drunk guy.   
They decided to follow Harry and soon found themselves in his little house. It was well built, pictures hanging from the walls, nice furniture, your basic little house.   
"Welcome to my home. Please, take a seat everyone. What I have to say is very important. You must listen to what I have to say. Although you may think my story is a bit crazy at first, you must believe me," Harry said, solemnly. It was strange, for once Harry didn't sound drunk when he started getting into his planet talks. Maybe he was serious this time, or maybe he hit his head on something.   
Harry waited for everyone to take their seats and then continued. "They're coming, soon. The Gengai are coming, coming here."   
Jim remembered what the red haired man had said back in Dirk Oreo's mansion. He had mentioned something about 'Gengai'.   
"They're coming because they want power, the power of all people on the planet. The power, is in the hair. The Gengai control Wigfarm and all across the planet that Wigfarm has spread. I don't know how the hair and the planet connect, but it does. The world will be Gengai's if they come and take us and our hair. You," Harry pointed to Jim and his finger soon spread across all the people in room, "you all must help me to stop the Gengai from their dark plans. You are the last hope for the world."   
"Why us?" questioned Florence.   
"Because Jim is the chosen one and those that follow him are his chosen companions. Together, you are the sacred warriors that will save the planet," Harry said, his tone never changing.   
"Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that Jim is supposed to save the planet? Jim?!" Jessica exclaimed.   
"That's exactly what I am saying. My words are true, they come from the planet itself. Together, we must stop Gengai from taking our planet. Why do they want the power from it and us? I do not know. Go now and think of my words. Return to me tomorrow morning and together we can begin our quest."   
The group walked outside and stood there for a moment, each glancing at one another and finally staring at Jim.   
"Well this is cool! We get to save the world!" Jim shouted, happily.   
"Jim, you really didn't believe Harry did you?" Jessica asked, a bit shocked at Jim's reaction. "Come on, it's Harry Smith we're talking about. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He was drunk, Jim."   
"He sure didn't sound drunk to me," Florence said, quietly. "Actually, he sort of made sense. I think we should follow him."   
"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Jessica shouted. "Fine, you call just prance off with Harry on a wild goose chase to save the world. I'm going to stay here and spend my time doing something useful."   
"Like another sumo chess tournament?" Jim chuckled.   
"Oh shut up Jim! Good night!" Jessica quickly turned and stormed off to her house.   
"Well, what do you think Sarah?" Jim asked, turning to the goat.   
Sarah nodded and jumped about a bit.   
"Well, it appears that tomorrow we'll be heading off with Harry tomorrow. Come on Florence, you can stay in my guest room for tonight."   
The three walked into Jim's house and rested while other forces were well awake and keeping a watchful eye over all that was unfolding before them. 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Jimbles

Jim yawned as he slowly awoke. He stretched his arms and smiled at Sarah who was still snoozing at his feet. It was early morning, Kalm was still soundly asleep. It was only Jim who was up and about.   
He slowly crawled out of bed and slid on his slippers. He got his house coat and wrapped it around him and then began a short walk to his bathroom.   
"Ahh! No, no, no! This can't be! Oh my God!" Jim screamed, gazing into his bathroom mirror.   
A short series of events then occurred. The sound that could best be described as a goat screaming, the sound of Jim's bed bouncing up, the sound of something hitting Jim's ceiling, then something crashing back down on Jim's bed. Down the hall in a guest room, there was an answering scream, a bit of a jump and a loud crash as something hit the floor and tipped a couple of lamps as it was falling. This followed in Jim's jumping, turning, running to see all that had happened, tripping on a mat, and landing flat on his face.   
A little more than five minutes passed until Jim, Florence and Sarah met in the hallway. Jim was crawling slowly, Sarah barely managed to keep half a trot and Florence was dizzily wobbling about, trying as best she could to keep from falling to the ground.   
"Goodness gracious, Jim! Your hair looks terrible!" Florence exclaimed.   
Even through her blurred, dizzied vision, she was quite right. Jim's hair was terrible. Luckily, it wasn't frizzed out all over the place like yesterday. It was only on the one side of his head this time. It was tangled, mangled and strangled. It was a lovely frizz located on one side of his head.   
Jim sighed, "I know. Well, you two just go into the kitchen and make breakfast. Don't worry, Sarah can show you were everything is. I'll try fixing up my hair." He slowly got to his feet, then turned back to the bathroom.   
Florence glanced at Sarah. She had an odd look on her face. "That guy is just strange. Do you have any idea why he's the chosen protector of the planet?"   
Sarah shook her goatly head and then began trotting off towards the kitchen, followed slowly by Florence.   
"So... Where are the eggs?"   
Sarah kind of blinked, shook her head and walked off to the pantry where she began chewing through a bag of "Kalm Co. Goat Chow".   
"Darn uncooperative goat..." Florence grumbled as she turned and began searching for something edible. 

Ding dong! Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong! The door bell rang, and rang, and then rang a little more.   
"Coming! I'm coming!" Jim called as he ran. He had on the same outfit he had been wearing the day before and managed to get his hair to the same sideways spiked out state it had been in when he went to Wigfarm.   
He opened the door and Harry Smith immediately burst inside. "Are you all ready? The time to leave is now! We must go into Wigfarm as quickly as possible. The Gengai will send a rain of destruction upon all at any moment. Hurry! Hurry! Bring supplies and lock the door! We may not be back for a long time. Hurry, there's little time to spare!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands and jumping about as he gave his orders.   
Florence, Sarah, Harry and Jim were soon on their way. Each carried a backpack and their own little weapons. Except for Sarah of course who couldn't hold any sort of weapon.   
Jim was equipped with his handy Bungle Sword, Florence had two large rubber chocobos and Harry had a couple of broken beer bottles from last week's party.   
They marched along, somewhat cheerfully. Well, Jim was cheerful. Florence was a little confused as to why she was tagging along with these people, Harry kept glancing around nervously and Sarah just trotted along.   
"Well... Isn't it a great day?" Jim asked, trying to start up conversation.   
"Yes, now be quiet... There's danger afoot and we need complete silence," Harry whispered. The rest of their trip into Wigfarm was in silence.   
They entered the massive gates of the city. Harry glanced around suspiciously. "We're entering the heart of Gengai. Come on, follow me."   
"Wait, Mr. Smith. Where are we going?" Florence asked with concern.   
"It's simple.. We're going to Gengai headquarters. The very heart of the Gengai. The soul of the evil. We will stop it before it has the chance to grow any more. Now hurry, there isn't another moment to spare! The short cut's this way," and at that, Harry dashed off, quickly followed by Jim, Florence and Sarah. 

"Come on! Keep moving!" a man shouted out.   
"..."   
"Shut up, Parrot! Let's go, Oreo. Gengai's waiting!" it was the red headed man from Ball Market. He was forcing Dirk Oreo up a flight of stairs, kicking him every so often. Parrot was just walking along, carrying the stereo which was now silenced.   
The three soon arrived at a huge desk. There was a slightly plump balding man sitting there with a cigar sticking out of his mouth. Smoke rings floated up and around him. Silver-grey little halos over his head formed and then floated away.   
"..."   
The red haired man gave a slight jab to Parrot's arm, signaling him to be quiet. He then took a step forward, holding Dirk up by the collar. He tossed him to the ground in front of the huge silver coloured desk.   
The plump man stood up and began walking around his huge desk, smoke rings still bubbling up around him as he smoked. He wore a deep crimson suit with golden buttons and he wore polished black shoes. Deep wrinkles were embedded into the corners of his face, his balding hair was tinted silver-grey like the smoke rings that he was puffing out as he walked. His lips were frozen in a demonic little smirk that was almost horrifying. His eyes were cold and pale grey. They seemed uncaring and unemotional. Those deep, endless eyes were like stone; cold and hard.   
He was now looming over Dirk Oreo. "Good job Rusty, Parrot," he said, glancing at the two men in black. The plump man gently took the cigar out of his mouth and rubbed it out on Dirk's bald head. Dirk winced as the fiery ashes were spread across his head.   
"Thank you President Gengai. Should we leave?" Rusty, the red head, said obediently.   
"No, not quite yet. Now Mr. Oreo, do you know why you're here? No? Well let me explain it to you, nice and slow so that even you can understand," Gengai turned, holding his hands behind his back and began walking back around the desk to his chair as he spoke. "I'm not satisfied with you're work, Mr. Oreo. You've become lazy and stupid. You are the Manager of Human Resources and you're wasting my money on your damn chess tournaments! I won't have this any longer, Mr. Oreo. You have no warnings, you have no chance to plead for your life. I won't let you drain the life of this corporation and interfere with my plans.   
"You knew what you were doing Mr. Oreo, and you know what I have planned for the world. I can see through you." President Gengai's eyes were staring into the quivering Dirk. "You were attempting to sabotage my plan. You started off small, but I caught you before this could carry on further. I'm more clever than you think Dirk. No, this world and all the power that comes with it will still be mine and as for you Mr. Oreo..." he trailed off for a moment as he sat down and nodded to Rusty and Parrot. "As for you, Mr. Oreo. I'm afraid you won't be working for this company anymore."   
Both Rusty and Parrot grabbed Dirk by each shoulder and lifted him above the ground. The fat bald man in gold kicked and squirmed in vain. Rusty and Parrot carried him to a window, the lights of Wigfarm were glittering brightly beneath them.   
"Good bye Dirk," President Gengai muttered coldly as Rusty and Parrot threw Dirk Oreo out through the window. Glass flew about everywhere across the floor. "Call maintenance. Tell them to fix this window and clean this mess. As well, tell the secretary to give a call to Jirdiegger. Let him know there's a job opening as Manager of Human Resources." 

"All right, we've made it this far, we need to be careful, we can't ruin this. We'll sneak into their HQ quietly, then carefully and subtly take them apart from within," Harry explained carefully to the group. They were all standing before the huge seventy story monstrosity that was Gengai Headquarters.   
Jim, meanwhile, was not listening and was instead leading Sarah through the front door.   
"Hey!" a soldier exclaimed, "you're not supposed to be in here! Get them!"   
"Now, we'll take this flight of stairs here up to the 60th floor and-"   
"Wait, Harry... Do you hear gunfire and screaming?" Florence asked, tilting her head and keeping quiet.   
"Halp!" came a scream from in the building.   
Both Florence and Harry jumped up and yelled, "Jim!" They ran into the building and found Jim dancing around, waving his sword around. Around him were the bleeding, unconscious bodies of the soldiers.   
Florence blinked. "Jim.. How did you do this?"   
"I didn't. It was Sarah. Wasn't it girl?" Jim said, beaming. He knelt down and patted Sarah on the head. She let out a proud shout as he did and gave a goatly smile.   
"Come on! Into the elevator everyone! Hurry!" Harry shouted. He was already running to the elevator, waving the group towards himself.   
They speedily followed Harry and jumped into the elevator. They pressed a button marked '60' and they heard the elevator buzz as it moved. 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, they sped up and up the floors on the Gengai building. 23-24-25-26-27-28 and the higher they went. 37-38-39-40, they were getting closer, almost there. Harry was shifting from foot to foot impatiently, Florence curiously glanced over the buttons to each floor in the building. Jim was still petting Sarah, congratulating her on her victory against the soldiers. 49-50-51-52-53, the elevator stopped.   
Everyone inside froze and their eyes shifted towards the door. The sound of faint finger snapping to a strange rhythm was coming from outside the elevator. The doors slid open and there stood four people in black suits, each wearing thick black sunglasses. One of them, bald, was carrying a stereo that was playing the music. With him was a man with red hair that spiked out at all ends. It was Parrot and Rusty, with them was a man with curly black hair and a woman in blue pig tails.   
"Jirdiegger just wouldn't stop talking. It was insane!" Rusty complained.   
"..."   
"Shut up Parrot!"   
"Stop bickering!" the curly haired man commanded and then turned to the people standing in the elevator. "Who're you?"   
"It's those guys from Dirk's place!" Rusty shouted, pointing at the people in the elevator.   
"..." Parrot stepped forward, pulling a switch blade from his back pocket.   
"How'd they get in here?" the blue-haired woman questioned.   
"Forget about how. They aren't allowed in here. Let's show them how we treat intruders," Rusty snarled, stepping forward.   
"This is not good," Jim murmured.   
"We aren't gonna take this. Let's show these guys what we're made of!" Harry shouted, raising a broken beer bottle into the air.   
Everyone let out a shout as Florence hit the button for the 60th floor again and the elevator door closed. The heard the sound of Rusty slamming into the door once it had fully closed.   
"Well, that was a close call," Jim sighed with relief. He watched the numbers flashing by above the doorway. 54-55-56-57-58-59-60, the elevator gave a ping and the door opened to the 60th floor.   
The group of four stepped out of the elevator. They watched workers and soldiers walk by, apparently unaware of the newcomers. They began walking about, looking around at all of the gadgets.   
"So, where do we go now?" Florence asked, gazing up at the ceiling and down at the clean carpet.   
"We need to get to President Gengai's office and stop him now before he gets the chance continue his mad plans of destruction. We'll have to kill the President," Harry said with complete seriousness.   
"Harry, you really want us to kill President Gengai?" Jim questioned in shock.   
"It's the only way." Harry began walking in the direction he believed would get them to Gengai's office. "We'll need to take the Executive Elevator up to the 69th floor. From there, it's only a few stairs away."   
"You seem to know a lot about this building. How'd you figure it all out?" Florence asked as they walked.   
"I used to work for the Gengai in this very building. I know how it works. First, we'll need a key card to use the Exec. Elevator," Harry answered. "Luckily, I still have mine from my old janitorial days."   
"You used to be a janitor?" Jim asked with a chuckle.   
"Yes, now be quiet and keep moving," Harry commanded and said nothing further as they walked.   
They came to a new elevator and Harry put his keycard into a slot. "With my card, we can only get to the 67th floor. It's the Scientific Research and Development Department."   
"Why do we need these key cards anyway?" Jim inquired, curiously as the elevator door opened.   
"Security reasons. They don't want the average idiot knowing about some of Gengai's most top secret information," Harry explained as they stepped inside. He hit the button for the 67th floor and they were off. In a few moments, the door opened and the group stepped out.   
Together, they swiftly walked down a hallway, in search of someone with a keycard to get them to the 69th floor. Jim suddenly stopped at a huge containment unit of some sort. He was gazing inside. "Woa! Guys, check this out!"   
Everyone gathered around. The containment unit was a dark silver and a blackened name plate read: "JIMBLES". Within was a dark purple liquid and something else.   
"What is this thing, Harry?" Florence asked, peering within.   
"I don't know. I've never seen it before," Harry responded.   
Jim lifted up Sarah so she would be able to look into the tiny window near the top of the containment unit.   
Within, Sarah saw cords protruding from some strange black and purple creature. It seemed almost like a fish, of some unknown type. It was hard to make out, but it was most definately a fish. Sarah let out the goat's equivalent of a scream, struggled away from Jim's grip and dashed off, hiding in fear. Somehow, Sarah knew what that thing was and she was afraid of it. 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: The Clerks

"Sarah! Sarah!" Jim shouted, worriedly. He scrambled around the 67th floor frantically looking for his lost goat.   
"Jim! You're going to get us caught!" Harry exclaimed.   
"But... What about Sarah?" Jim questioned, the fear and worry for his goat could be clearly heard in his voice.   
"She's a good goat and she'll take care of herself," Harry said, reassuringly. "Come on, let's try and get the 69th floor keycard." 

"Oh my aching head," Rusty groaned, rubbing his head. He was riding in the elevator with the fellow people in black.   
"You shouldn't have ran head first at those people in the elevator," the curly haired man explained.   
"But you're always telling me to use my head."   
"He didn't mean it literally, you idiot!" the woman with blue pig tails shouted.   
"Shut up, Helga!" Rusty commanded.   
"..."   
"You too, Parrot!"   
"Calm down. Right now we need to catch those intruders," the curly haired man said, evenly.   
"I don't know if we can catch them, Murry. They're more clever than we think," Rusty said.   
"Rusty... You're an idiot. Come on, we have no time to lose. We'll perform a floor by floor search. Parrot, inform security that we have intruders," Murry ordered as the elevator door opened. Parrot nodded, turned on his stereo and walked out the elevator. 

"Sarah! Sarah? Sarah!" Jim continued shouting. He opened a toilet seat lid. "Sarah! Ew, someone didn't flush."   
"Jim! We have to get going here. There's no time to spare! We swiped a key card from the old cleaning lady. There's no point in waiting for Sarah any longer," Harry reasoned.   
"I have to find her! No matter what, I need to find my goat!" Jim dashed out of the men's washroom and immediately burst into the women's washroom shouting, "Sarah! Sarah, where are you?" This was followed by female screams and several slapping sounds.   
Harry rushed out of the men's room, shouting for Jim. Florence looked at Harry with a look of sadness on her face. "He's taking Sarah's sudden disappearance quite hard," she sighed.   
"Where is he now?" Harry asked, worriedly.   
"In the ladies room. I'll go get him." Florence turned and walked through the ladies room door, just as three other woman stormed out heatedly. Florence glanced at Jim, he was on the floor with three steaming hand prints in various places on his face.   
"Oh, poor Jim. Come on, dear, I'll help you up." Florence helped Jim to his feet. "You need to pull yourself together. Sarah will be all right, but you're jeopardizing the rest of us. Don't worry so much, Jim. You have a good goat that can take care of herself."   
Jim nodded slowly, he stayed silent. Worry still shrouded his face. He looked at Florence with a bit of a frown. She smiled at him. "Don't worry, Jim. She'll be all right," she spoke warmly and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go." She turned and led Jim out of the bathroom. 

"Hey Murry! Get over here, I found something!" Rusty exclaimed. He was in a far corner of the 67th floor. A few feet away stood Murry. He turned and walked over to Rusty.   
"What is it?" he questioned, trying to get a peek at what Rusty had found. Rusty managed to drag a quivering goat out of the shadows, a leash hanging at her neck. "It's the goat that was with those guys from the elevator. I wonder how this got away from them. They can't be too far away. C'mon, let's get Parrot and Helga." 

"How could that weird fish thing scare Sarah so badly? I've never seen her so frightened," Jim murmured as he walked with Harry and Florence to the elevator.   
"It's hard to tell. Maybe she knows what Jimbles is. Kind of a weird name if you ask me," Harry said, thoughtfully.   
"Don't worry too much, Jim. As soon as we make sure that Gengai can't do any harm, we'll get Sarah back. She'll probably trot up as cheerful as ever," Florence consoled, with a bit of a smile. She wasn't speaking in full confidence.   
They continued walking along, drawing closer to the elevator. Jim was still mumbling sadly about his lost goat. In the corner of Jim's ear, he could hear something. It was some strange rhythm. He paused, and strained to listen. Then, the familiar sound of Sarah's shout echoed in Jim's ears.   
"Sarah! It's Sarah!" Jim shouted. He turned and dashed away from Florence and Harry.   
"Jim! Come back!" Florence cried and dashed off after him.   
"Dammit Jim!" Harry yelled and was soon dashing off after Florence and Jim.   
Jim stopped. "Sarah!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. From around a corner trotted Sarah, followed by Murry who was holding the leash. Following Murry was Parrot, holding his stereo, Rusty, grinning wickedly, and Helga. Jim glared at them angrily. "Give me back my goat!"   
"So this is your goat," Murry commented, sinisterly. "Well, I'm afraid this is our goat now."   
Helga chuckled, "We could give her back to you."   
Rusty smiled, deceivingly, "But we'd rather kill you."   
Parrot put down the stereo and pulled out his switch blade. "..."   
"You said it, Parrot," Rusty said, the smile growing wider.   
Florence ran up beside Jim. "It's you guys again!" she exclaimed. "Wait a second, who are you anyway?"   
Murry smiled and began speaking as he began pointing to the people in his group, "I'm Murry, this is Rusty, Parrot and that's Helga over there. We're the Clerks. We're Gengai's security, among other things."   
Harry caught up to Florence and Jim. He looked at the Clerks, and sighed, "Looks like we have yet another delay. Oh well, it's not like we had anything of importance to do anyway." He readied his beer bottle and stared at Helga, Rusty and Parrot cautiously as they stepped forward.   
Rusty held up his fists, ready to strike, and Helga revealed a short, pointed blade. Parrot slowly moved forward, glancing at Harry, sizing him up, scanning for a point of weakness. Rusty cracked his knuckles and began closing in on Jim with small steps and a steady pace. Helga smiled sweetly for a moment toward Florence and then lunged forward.   
The battle had begun. Fierce strikes and slashes were sent back and forth, the sound of rubber slapping on skin, boots cracking against skulls, and bodies hitting the floor with a thud.   
In the end, the crew found themselves waking up inside cramped cells. They were in prison. It was Jim who was the first to come out of an unconscious state to see himself in his cell. Laying beside him was Sarah.   
Jim screeched with joy and childish delight as he saw his goat again. Sarah immediately awoke and the ceiling flew down to meet her. She thudded back down on the floor and moaned goatishly. Jim immediately attached himself to his goat with a death grip hug. Sarah squirmed and gasped for air. What a way to wake up.   
"Oh Sarah! Thank goodness you're alive! Why did you run off like that? What happened Sarah?" Jim asked his beloved goat.   
All that Sarah could reply with was squirming and gasping for air.   
"Oh, sorry," Jim apologized and released his grip on the goat. As he did, she fell backward, relief flooding over her as air was returned, and she went unconscious. "Sarah? Sarah?" he questioned his animal, blinking. He sighed loudly. "What a time to take a nap," he grumbled.   
The third to wake up out of the group of four was Florence. She found herself on a little cot. She glanced down to see Harry, murmuring in his sleep. She sat up and looked around her surroundings. They were in some sort of enclosed containment room. It didn't look like she could get out. She thought to herself for a moment, "What do we do about food?" 

"Herman... yabba yabba.... You can'tern... drink that.. ther case of...... azzama....... tequila.. Oh... my... emu... head... What's burnin'.... Herman? Herman?... Gergl... Zzzzzz..........." Harry muttered softly in his sleep. He rolled over and slowly his eyes opened. He had a bit of trouble adjusting to the light. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. He smelt something strange. Almost like something was burning, or melting. He couldn't tell which. Whatever it was, it was foul. "What is that, stench?" he asked as he slowly began sitting up.   
"Breakfast..." came a reply. Harry turned to see Florence hunched over something that looked like a makeshift rotisserie. By the looks of things she had impaled a rubber chocobo and was now proceeding to roast it over a small fire she made in their cell.   
"What?" Harry shouted in shock. "You expect me to eat that thing?"   
"If you don't want it, you don't have to have it," Florence stated. She sounded strange. She was speaking quickly, almost with anxiety. She seemed nervous and a little paranoid. She kept on blinking, far too many times for a normal person. The side of her face began to twitch ever so slightly. She licked her lips. "You'll be happy just to have some of this thing soon enough. I've looked around and there's no way out of this place. There won't be any food. I'm still thinking of a way to get liquid. Is there any good way to collect sweat...?" she trailed off and began mumbling to herself at a surprising speed, still rotating her rubber chocobo.   
Harry stared at the maddened woman in front of her and began moving back to the corner of the room. All he could do was to wait for sleep and at least some form of freedom from her insanity.   
Florence took a large, ruthless bite from her rubber chocobo when suddenly a small opening in the wall opened up (at least she thought it was a wall, it was actually the door) and some two servings of food and water were provided. She stared at it, for a long moment, a bit of rubber chocobo beak hanging from her mouth. 

That night, each slept a little restlessly. They were unsure of what they were going to do next. They had to think of a way to get out of that prison and find out what Gengai was really doing and what made Sarah so afraid of Jimbles. At the same time, strange shadows were lurking about and doing other deeds of evil inside of Gengai HQ that the President didn't know about. 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: "Doofus" Gengai

Jim was awoken abruptly. Someone was shaking him and calling his name. "Jim! Jim, come on, get up!"   
"Wha.. what?" Jim muttered sleepily. His eyes were barely in focus.   
"Jim! It's me, Jessica. Wake up Jim!" the voice said.   
Slowly, Jim's eyes came into focus and before him knelt Jessica G. Merry. He blinked at her, and rubbed his eyes to make sure. He couldn't believe it. What was she doing here?   
"What's going on? Why are you here? How'd you get in?" Jim asked, drowsily.   
"I didn't think you'd actually go through with it Jim. When I found out you left, I came to find you and make sure you didn't ram your head in a wall, and here I find you in prison."   
"But that doesn't explain how you got in."   
"It was easy. All the doors were opened, and I found a couple of those key card things laying around. The building has been practically deserted except for a few secured areas."   
"And the others?"   
"They're out waiting for you."   
Jim nodded and slowly stood up. He began walking along, before he took two more steps, he slammed right into a wall. "I thought you were trying to prevent this from happening to me," he said dryly.   
Jessica giggled and apologized. She took Jim's hand and lead him out of the cell. Florence was patting Sarah on the head, both smiling cheerfully. Harry wasn't there.   
"Where's Harry?" Jim inquired, looking around for Harry.   
"He's checking out the area right now, trying to find out just what happened. He might take a while longer, he said he'd check out a couple other floors too," Florence explained.   
Jim nodded and then looked at one of the rubber chocobos that hung at her belt. "What happened to your rubber chocobo? It looks like someone tried to cook it and then bit the head off."   
"Nothing! Nothing at all. I don't want to talk about it," Florence said immediately, dropping the subject.   
"Y'know, you guys are really crazy. What did you expect to do? Get yourselves killed? Killing President Gengai is way over your heads, you know," Jessica scolded.   
"Okay, so maybe Harry's story was a little crazy, but I believe him!" Jim exclaimed.   
Jessica sighed and began pacing. How could someone be so stupid? Then again, this was Jim McFeatherburry. Now, she was stuck tagging along with these people. How could she have gotten herself stuck in this horrible mess.   
After about ten more minutes, Harry returned, frowning. "I don't know what happened," he began. "The place seems practically cleared out. Well, all the floors that are locked off normally, anyway. The place was trashed and there are bodies everywhere. And you know that Jimbles thing?" Sarah cringed. "It isn't there anymore. I don't know what happened."   
"Could Jimbles have done all that?" Florence asked.   
"I don't know. It was just a fish. Could it really have done anything?" Harry replied.   
"What are you guys talking about? Jimbles? What's that?" Jessica asked, curiously.   
"We'll explain later," Jim said. "Right now, I think we should find the cause of all this sudden destruction." With that, the group set off. They were on the 66th floor, used for prisoners they didn't want anyone else know about.   
They got into the first elevator they found and Jim started jumping up and down. "Can I press the button? Can I? Can I press it please? Pretty please?" he begged.   
Harry sighed, "Fine, you can press the button. We're going to the 69th floor."   
"Yay!" Jim shouted and pressed the button.   
"Um.... Jim... I said 69th not 47th..." Harry said with an annoyed sigh.   
"Oh, sorry about that," Jim apologized and then pressed another button.   
After another fifteen minutes of going from the 47th floor, to the 3rd, to 64th, to 29th, to 35th, they finally made it to the 69th floor and stepped off the elevator. The site the group saw was horrific, disgusting and vile.   
"Dear Lord!" Jessica shrieked. "It's whipped cream!"   
Whipped cream was everywhere, and scattered around with it were the heads of deep fried turkeys. They didn't know why they were there, they just were. There was a long, thick trail of whipped cream that could clearly be seen. It lead up the stairs to Gengai's main office on the legendary 70th floor. Slowly, they began walking through the white fluff, up the stairs.   
That's where they found President Gengai, impaled with a long sword. "Oh my... H-he's.. dead..." Florence gasped, staring in amazement.   
"Who could've done this?" Jim asked in shock.   
"Olaf did," Jessica stated.   
"Olaf? How did you come to the conclusion that some guy named Olaf did it?" Jim questioned.   
"Well, just look over there." Jessica pointed to the wall where 'OLAF' was written on the wall in whipped cream.   
"Well, it looks like our job has been done for us!" Harry exclaimed happily as he went to examine the body.   
"Hey! Harry, what are you doing?" Jessica asked, as Harry started pulling the sword from the lifeless corpse.   
"I'm taking the sword, what does it look like?"   
"Are you mad? Just leave it!"   
"Oh come on, you have to be some sort of complete idiot to just leave a free sword lying around." Harry pulled the sword free and looked it over. It was long, slender and stained in the President's blood.   
Florence turned away from the dead President and walked towards a window. "Hey, what's that out there?" She saw a helicopter land above them and soon a figure was coming down, wearing a purple and bright green trenchcoat.   
"Damn! I forgot about him!" Harry shouted as the figure entered.   
"Who are you?" Florence asked the man, her voice was trembling.   
His face appeared out of the shadow, it was handsome, perfectly set and a stray lock of orange-gold hair hanging in his eyes. He had deep, pale, blue eyes that shimmered and seemed to melt away at the heart. He was the super-hunk of Gengai.   
"I am Rufus Gengai, the new President," he said in a deep voice. Suddenly, he began coughing. Instantly, his voice seemed to change to a somewhat squeaky, screeching sound. "Oh, my asthma!" he exclaimed. He suddenly whipped an inhaler out of his pocket and began taking deep breaths. "Goodness no, my contacts fell out. Where are they?" He began looking on the ground when a sudden crunch was heard. "Oh dear... I guess I'll need my glasses." He reached into another pocket and pulled out a pair of thick glasses with square black frames and put them on. They were taped around the nose piece where that had been broken before. "I ate way too much for supper. Oh, I think I got some caught in my teeth... Oh no! It's in my braces! This will take forever to get out!"   
The group stared at Rufus in complete shock. Florence whispered to Jessica, "This guy seems like such a doofus."   
"I know," Jessica replied. "Let's all just sneak out of here while he's preoccupied."   
The group quietly tip-toed away and quickly went down the elevator to the first floor. They ran to the entrance and Harry peeked outside. "Damn!" he shouted. "There are a ton of soldiers out there. How do we get passed?"   
Jim looked around and saw something. "I have an idea. You all pile into that tiny little go-kart over there and smash through that window onto the back road. I have some other plans!"   
The others did as Jim asked as were soon speeding down the road. "Where's Jim?" Florence shouted over the squeal of the engine. "I hope he's all right."   
"He'll be fine, unless of course he's doing something stupid. Knowing Jim, he probably is, but I'm sure it'll all turn out well," Jessica replied.   
The group looked quite comical, all stuffed into such a small go-cart. Somehow, it didn't fall apart and kept up a pretty good speed.   
"Hey, something's coming up behind us!" Harry exclaimed. "It's Jim!"   
Jim huffed and puffed. Sweat poured off his brow. "Stupid tricycle! Why must you be so slow!" he shouted as he pedaled the three wheeler onward. 

"Wow, we actually made it. We're finally out of Wigfarm after so long. Isn't it amazing?" Florence asked as she gazed out upon the setting sun.   
"First," Jim gasped, "we've only been here a day and a half. Second, I'm horribly tired." Jim collapsed, soaked in his own sweat.   
"Perhaps he shouldn't have have taken the tricycle. Oh well," Jessica shrugged. "Let's drag him back home."   
"Home?" Harry asked. "We can't just go home. There's a new, unknown evil that may not actually be evil, but probably is out there. We have to find Olaf."   
Jessica half groaned, half sighed. Sarah was looking down at Jim. She sighed as well and plopped down beside him.   
"What about the Clerks? And 'Doofus' Gengai?" Florence asked.   
"Oh, we'll meet up with them again during our search for Olaf. Yes, I think we'll meet many times throughout the course of this journey. The planet tells me so," Harry said, staring off into space.   
"Um, did you have anything to drink while we were in Wigfarm, Harry?" 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Chocobo Catchin'

So, the little group of five set out on their way, traveling across the world on some nameless adventure. Spirits and good times were high and life was good.   
"My feet hurt!" Jessica exclaimed for the seventh time in the last twenty minutes. "Where are we going? We've fought fourteen monsters in the last hour alone. I'm hungry. What are we doing out here? I'm getting a headache. I forgot to bring a hat. It's hot out. I'm getting tired of complaining."   
"Jessica..." Harry sighed. "Shut up!"   
For the rest of their walk, Jessica was actually silent. The walk didn't last much longer for the group found themselves at a tiny little farm.   
"Wow, check it out everyone!" Florence exclaimed. "Real chocobos! These are real chocobos! I've always wanted to see one!"   
A young man walked up to the group. He was wearing dark orange overalls and a straw hat. "Nah, those ain't real chocobos. They're just cardboard cut outs," he explained as he stepped forward. Promptly, one of the chocobos fell down revealing it was nothing but cardboard.   
Florence sighed sadly as she saw the cut out fall over.   
"I'm Choco Jill-" the man began but was quickly interrupted.   
"Jill? Isn't that a girl's name?" Jim questioned.   
"True, but when your a farmer, it's normal to call a boy Jill, kinda like callin' a girl Bob. Anyway-" again Choco Jill was interrupted by Jim.   
"But I'm a goat farmer, myself, and I've never heard of a guy named Jill or a girl named Bob before."   
"Ah, but ya see, chocobo farmers are a little different. Our ways are strange and-"   
"But I have an uncle who used to be a chocobo farmer out west, and he was never named Jill."   
"Yes, but you have to understa-"   
"I mean, is it really some farmer thing or are you just trying to find excuses for a name like Jill. I mean, who would name their baby boy Jill? That just doesn't make sense to me."   
"Well, it's quite simple if you just lis-"   
"And what kind of girl would be named Bob? That's kind of a silly name for a girl. The parents would have to be pretty warped to name their girl Bob. Not to mention naming their boy Jill. I don't usually go back and forth like this, but Jill.. Come on! Like I said before, who would name their baby boy Ji-"   
It was at this point that Choco Jill punched Jim right in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.   
"Thanks, I've been wanting to do that for years!" Jessica exclaimed.   
"Um.. is it normal to twitch like that?" Florence inquired curiously as she inspected Jim.   
"Anyway, as I was saying... I'm Choco Jill, the owner of this farm. The reason that we don't have any real chocobos is that they all ran away. I'd really appreciate it if you could catch some for me. You can even keep some to get past the lagoon."   
"Why do we need chocobos to get past the lagoon?" Harry asked.   
"Because of the Wigfarm Zoloms. You don't even want to know about them."   
"So how do we catch chocobos?" Florence asked.   
"It's quite simple really. Chocobos love bougon cheese, so all you have to do is lure them in with it and then hop on while their eating the cheese. They're very tame animals and won't attack without reason. Just bring a few chocobos back and then ride the rest through the lagoon. One thing to remember about the lagoon, don't let the smell get to you."   
"The smell?" Jessica questioned but before Choco Jill could explain to her about it, Harry popped up with another question.   
"Bougon cheese, eh? Where can we get some?"   
"I'd give you some, but I sold my last block to some guy dragging a really big fish." The group exchanged glances, there was no need for words. They knew that Jimbles and Olaf had already gone by. They had to hurry if they were to catch up to him. "However, I can tell you how to make some yourself. It shouldn't be too hard. I have everything we need... except for the milk."   
"What kind of milk do you need?" Harry inquired.   
"Goat," Choco Jill said plainly. All eyes turned to Sarah. The poor goat looked up at the group worriedly and then started moving slowly away from the others. 

"I'm not milking her!" Jessica cried out.   
"Neither am I," Florence stated evenly.   
"I don't think she wants to be milked," Harry said, looking back at Sarah who had tried to make herself invisible without success.   
"Well, unfortunately the only one who might actually be able to milk her is unconscious," Florence said, glaring at Choco Jill.   
"Hey, he kept on talking too much, and making fun of my name, I only did what had to be done," Jill defended.   
"Maybe we should just try waking him up," Harry suggested.   
"That's probably the best idea," Jessica agreed.   
"Hold on a second," Choco Jill said, turning from the others. "I'll be right back." He walked off and soon returned carrying a pail of ice water. "This'll be a breeze." With that, he dumped the cold water all over Jim.   
Jim proceeded to shoot up ten feet into the air screaming like a banshee.   
"That worked surprisingly well," Jessica commented as she watched Jim crash back into the ground.   
"Okay Jim, we need you to do something. It's very, very important. You have to milk Sarah," Harry told Jim and he knelt down beside him.   
"You soaked me with ice water for that?" Jim said indignantly.   
"Yes we did, now hurry up. There's no time to waste."   
So, Jim sat up, took the bucket of ice water and walked over to Sarah. "Come on Sarah. Come here, girl. I just want to get a little bit of milk, okay Sarah?" Jim called to Sarah as he slowly and cautiously approached her. 

"Okay, stop laughing and help me out of the fence! Oh come on, how did I know she'd kick me so hard? You said we didn't have any time to waste, so get me untangled from this fence and hold Sarah down," Jim commanded peevishly. Half of his body seemed to be wrapped around the fence that would normally hold in chocobos. The others were laughing so hard they felt as if their sides were about to burst.   
Florence and Jessica pulled Jim free from the fence while Jill and Harry carefully held Sarah so she wouldn't kick Jim again. Together, they managed to milk Sarah. The poor goat meanwhile, sat there, irate, with the combination of a grimace and a scowl. 

"There, all done. Now, just catch a couple of chocobos and send them back here. Thanks to all of you," Choco Jill said as he handed a brick of bougon cheese to Florence. "It was a pleasure meeting you. Farewell!"   
The group turned and left the ranch behind as they began their search for a chocobo.   
"That guy was really weird, and with a name like Jill. Come on, his parents must have been crazy," Jim said.   
"Jim..." Harry sighed, "Shut up!"   
"Quiet down you two and listen. Can you hear it?" Florence asked. She was holding the bougon cheese above her head to bring in the chocobos.   
Jim and Harry quieted down and carefully listened, they heard a cry in the distance. "Waaark! Wark wark!" It was the sound of the chocobos. The stamping of chocobo feet and spots of yellow were in the distance.   
"Wow, check it out. They're actually coming!" Jessica exclaimed gleefully.   
Their happiness soon changed to fear as a dozen chocobos were soon on top of them. They trampled around, snatched the cheese and began fighting for it.   
Harry screamed as he tried jumping on top of one of the large birds and was quickly thrown back. "Damn, what do we do? They'll eat all the cheese before we can catch them."   
Suddenly, Sarah let out a goatish battle cry which was followed by a high pitched call from Jim, "Alalaorfaleed!" Sarah could be seen stampeding towards the chocobos, Jim mounted on her back, the Bungle Sword held high in the air.   
In a cloud of dust, it was all over. The chocobos lay unconscious on the ground, beside them lay Jim. Sarah stood before them all, her head held high in pride.   
"Great job, Sarah!" Jessica exclaimed. She ran over and hugged the goat.   
"Now, we'll each take one chocobo. Except for Jim and Sarah, they'll share one. We'll send the other eight back to Jill's farm. They'll know the way," Florence explained.   
After they got everything ready and woke up Jim, they set off again. Sarah sat upon Jim's head as each rode down the plains heading to the Wigfarm Lagoon. When they finally got there, they were disgusted.   
"Oh goodness gracious! It's all sewage! This is gross!" Jessica screeched.   
"Oh, the smell is awful. Thankfully we have the chocobos and we don't have to actually walk through this stuff. Come on, let's go," Harry said.   
So they set off through the Wigfarm Lagoon, each plugging their noses. That's when they met up with the Wigfarm Zoloms.   
"Ew, look at all these freaky little purple snakes," Florence said as some swam towards her chocobo. "Die!" she yelled as she slapped them away with a rubber chocobo.   
They crossed with little problem, and soon found themselves at a cave entrance. There were words painted over top a sign.   
"What does it say?" Harry inquired as they moved closer.   
Jim hopped off of his chocobo and went to investigate. "I think it used to say 'Hako Wig Plant'."   
"And what does it say now?" Harry hopped off of his chocobo and stood by Jim. There in whipped cream letters, it read: OLAF. 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: Hako Wig Plant

"Woa, this place was really trashed," Florence said as the group walked in. She gazed out at the destruction. Whipped cream, wigs and machine parts were scattered throughout the plant.   
"I wonder if anyone's around," Harry pondered as he began searching through the junk.   
"How could one man dragging around a fish do so much damage?" Jim wondered curiously and he looked up. Above him, he saw giant cables, snapped and hanging limply.   
"So what is a Hako Wig Plant anyway?" Jessica asked, stepping over a pile of wigs and computer parts.   
"Well, I didn't hear much about them as a simple janitor. From what I remember it was going to be Gengai's biggest project. They had them in Wigfarm for a while for testing but they improved on the plants and were going to send them across the planet. I guess they have now. I don't know much more," Harry explained.   
"Hako Wig Plants are Gengai's biggest operation across the entire planet," a new voice said. "They generate a number of things. Wigs, electricity, money and power. Hako is an energy source that can be found in most anything. At first, we began draining it directly from the planet but we soon learned of its destructive effect on the planet itself. In actuality we were killing the planet. While searching for an alternate source of power, Gengai's scientists found that some of the Hako waste was causing baldness. This was actually very profitable because after more research it was discovered that human hair is a much more efficient form of energy production than Hako from the planet. As well, the waste, if properly managed, can be turned to wigs. These wigs replaced the hair people were losing. Hako plants were around for a long time before your janitorial job, Harry. It has just been a well kept secret and very little information about the plants was released."   
Everyone turned to see the source of this new voice just as the music hit. A finger snapping rhythm that echoed through the destroyed Hako Wig Plant. There stood Helga, Parrot walking up behind her.   
"..."   
"That's just great Helga. I guess it isn't a secret anymore, eh? Damn, you just have to ruin everything don't you?" Rusty walked up and stood beside Parrot.   
"Oh no, not these guys again. Why are you here?" Florence groaned.   
"We're here to find Olaf. Reports said that from here he was heading to Junon," Helga stated evenly.   
"Helga, can you ever learn to be quiet? Let's get her out of here before she blabs some more," Rusty said.   
"..."   
"Just shut up Parrot! Let's go!"   
Parrot grabbed Helga by the ear and started to follow Rusty who had already started walking away from the group.   
"Hey! Ow, that hurts! Stop that! Quit it! Let me go! My ear really hurts!" Helga complained as she was dragged away.   
The group stood there for a moment, staring at where the Clerks had formerly stood.   
"Well, that was enlightening," Jessica commented.   
"So, I guess we're off to Junon, eh? This should be some great fun!" Florence said cheerfully.   
"Hey, where's Jim?" Harry questioned. Jim was no where to be seen.   
Sarah gave a slight grunt and pointed with a hoof to a pair of feet sticking out of a pile of rubble and whipped cream.   
Everyone sighed and walked over to the feet. Together, they pulled Jim out of the junk. In the process of freeing Jim, they also freed some of the rubble and whipped cream which just made a large mess on themselves.   
"Oh great, now I have whipped cream in my hair. Ew, this stuff doesn't smell like it's very good," Jessica complained.   
"It could be worse. I got some on my dress. It's sticky and disgusting. This whipped cream has seen better days," Florence said, trying to wipe some of the cream off.   
"Why were you in there?" Harry asked Jim.   
"I was trying to find some hair gel. I figured there should be some in here, among the rubble. I mean, why not? They have everything else. That's when I kind of got stuck. I didn't find any hair gel, either. Am I doomed to have messy hair for the rest of my life?" Jim cried out in agony.   
"Yes you are," Harry said flatly. "Now, let's get out of this dump! We have to get to Junon before the Clerks!"   
"Why's that?" Florence asked.   
"So then we can catch Olaf before they do."   
"So why do we need to catch him first? I mean, they'll just be helping us out, won't they? Why not sit around, relax for a little while and let them do all the work."   
"You obviously know nothing about saving the world from unspeakable evil."   
"Unspeakable evil? How do we even know that this guy is evil? He killed President Gengai for us!"   
"That's exactly why he's evil."   
"But we were going to kill him anyway. Olaf just saved us from a lot of hassle."   
"No, I wanted to kill Gengai myself! It was supposed to be my moment of glory. He stole that from me." Harry stared blankly into space with a suspicious look in his eyes.   
"What is he doing?" Florence asked. Harry continued to stare, unmoving.   
"Oh, he used to do this all the time," Jessica stated. "He's 'speaking with the planet.' It gets tiring after a while. One time, I was walking home late one night and I found him in this frozen state. I got up the next morning and looked outside. He was still there, in the same place. It's pretty freaky sometimes, but after a few weeks of this it just becomes annoying."   
"The only thing to do now is look through the junk for some hair gel," Jim said. With that, he started to run. He jumped high through the air and then crashed in a pile of junk. The only part of him still sticking out were his legs. He started kicking and muffled cries for help emerged from the rubble.   
Sarah sighed a goatly sigh and then laid down. She closed her eyes for a brief goat nap.   
Florence looked at the kicking feet and sighed, "Should we help him out?"   
"Nah, let him stay in there for a while until Harry snaps out of his trance. This gives us a chance to relax," Jessica replied as she sat down and made herself comfortable. "How did we get mixed up with these idiots?"   
"I wouldn't ask, it's probably best not to think about it." Florence sat down as well and laid back, using a pile of wigs to rest her head upon. 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: The Words of the Planet

"Pickles... hamsackle... Hey ther... woa... it's like a... jibbig.... rainbow... Flibba flabba, where's meh... creamed... turkey... loozenlop..." Harry mumbled and murmured. With those muttered words, Harry fell straight forward, flat on his face.   
"Do you think he's going to wake up?" Florence asked, standing up and inching her way closer to Harry.   
"Who knows, maybe he's just finding a way to get closer to the planet. It's all a bunch of nonsense if you ask me," Jessica sighed.   
"Freedom!" Jim hollered as he pulled the rest of his body free from the junk. He gasped for breath and began grabbing air particles and stuffing them in his mouth. "Air, precious air! Oh sweet oxygen, how I love thee!"   
"Did you find any hair gel, Jim?" Jessica inquired with a snicker.   
"No, I did not," replied Jim, indignantly. "However, I did learn that being stuck in a cramped hole for a long time with no ventilation can leave someone quite breathless."   
"Well that's good. You're never too old to learn something new." Jessica tried not to burst out laughing but wasn't doing very well.   
"It's nice to know that my suffering amused you!" Jim barked.   
Between muffled chuckles, Jessica replied, "No, your suffering doesn't amuse me in the slightest. Well, maybe it does, but that's not what I'm laughing at. It's your hair!" She immediately burst out in a fit of laughter.   
Jim stared at her in shock. "My hair? No, not my hair!" He began to scream and started searching frantically for a mirror or some other reflective object. When at last he did find one, he found his hair had become a large, round, chunk of frizzled and tangled blonde hair with sloppy whipped cream coating the better part of it. "M-my hair," he stuttered and began to cry.   
"Get yourself together Jim!" Florence exclaimed as she picked Jim up and began to shake him around, slapping him across the face.   
"No, no, no! That's not how you do it Florence. Just watch me and you'll see how it's done." Jessica walked over to Jim and began to shake him, knee him in the stomach and throw him down into a pile of whipped cream.   
"Jessica, you just knocked him unconscious."   
At this point Sarah woke up and walked over to Jim. She poked him with her snout and then licked his face. Jim soon began showing signs of life again. He smiled up at Sarah, and the goat proceeded to chew on Jim's hair.   
"Let go of that, Sarah! Come on now, stop chewing on my hair!" Jim commanded. The goat kindly obeyed and then walked over top of Jim, stepping on his face, to look around the ruins of the Hako Wig Plant. "My life just gets worse and worse."   
"Don't worry about it Jim. We'll fix up your hair somehow. Maybe we can get you a nice new hat at Junon. A big polka-dot hat," Jessica said.   
"Oh right, Polka City. Junon is the single most annoying city on the planet. It's run by a polka worshipping organization," Jim grumbled.   
"Now it's not just an organization, Jim. It's a cult. There's a world of difference," Jessica corrected.   
"Isn't Junon run by Gengai?" Florence asked.   
"Well, almost. The Gengai corporation does run things, but not the Gengai family itself. They used to be a more influential force in Junon, but after the polka cult got hold of the mayor, Gengai decided to leave them alone. I think they were a little too freaked out," Jessica explained. "Now it's just Polka City, as it's called among many of the locals and outsiders alike. Everything polka can be found there. I visited Polka City once. It's a fascinating place."   
"So, when do we leave?" Jim questioned.   
"As soon as Harry over there wakes up," Florence replied with a sigh.   
As if on cue, there was a low moan that came from Harry's direction. The three looked over to the sound and found the chocolate marshmallow sitting up, rubbing his head. "I can see it now. I have seen the planet. The planet has spoken to me! I know our meaning, and our purpose."   
"Really? Then tell us Harry," Florence said with interest.   
"It said... Um, it said... Well, the truth is... I uh..."   
"Come on, spit it out!" Jessica exclaimed.   
"I sort of forgot what the planet said, exactly," Harry said with embarrassment.   
"You forget?" Jessica screeched. "You forget! You've wasted precious hours of my life with your planet talk and you forget what it said?" She leapt forward, trying to strangle Harry. Luckily for Harry, Jim and Florence managed to grab the maddened woman. "Let me go! Let me at him! Come on, let me go!"   
"No way, Jess. We aren't going to let you hurt Harry. Just calm down," Jim said firmly.   
Jessica sighed and stopped struggling. "I'm sorry. I'll calm down. Can you let me go?"   
Florence and Jim both smiled and they released their grip on Jessica. As soon as they had done so, Jessica jumped again, screaming as she started to strangle Harry.   
Both Florence and Jim winced as Harry was beaten. "That has got to hurt."   
"I'm just glad that it isn't me."   
"Lord the pain! Why isn't anyone helping me? Please end the pain! No! Not there! Ahhh!" Harry screamed in pain.   
"Should we just start going to Junon?" Florence asked.   
"No, we'll wait. This is actually kind of entertaining. Where's the popcorn when you need it?" Jim replied. 


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten: Polka City

"Hey! We're almost there! It's Junon everybody! Let's go!" Jessica exclaimed excitedly. She burst into a sprint as they came within sight of Junon.   
"I'm in too much pain for this," Harry moaned. He was limping along, carrying with him a big black eye, a swollen lip, bruises everywhere and a nearly broken nose.   
"Oh come on Harry, it could have been worse. You'll feel better when we get into the city. We'll stay at the inn and then you'll feel as good as new!" Jim said, cheerfully. He turned and dashed after Jessica.   
"Don't worry, Harry. You're tough, you can pull through," Florence encouraged. She slapped Harry on the back and chased after the others.   
"Oh goodness, my back!" Harry screamed as he fell to his knees. He watched as the others ran off. "Oh, that's just fine! Leave me behind! I don't care!" Sarah wandered up to Harry and licked him on the forehead. "Oh great, the goat." Sarah looked at Harry angrily and proceeded to turn around and kick him in the gut. He promptly let out a cry of pain and the goat trotted off happily.   
Before them, stood the mighty city of Junon. The sweet sound of polka music emanated from it. The place appeared to be coloured in red, green, purple, blue and yellow dots. Polka dots as far as the eye could see. Junon was made of two levels. The lower level was made up of slums. The upper level was more sophisticated. Still, no matter where you were in Junon, anything polka related wasn't very far away.   
Junon used to be a fishing town until the polka cult came around. It was soon transformed to a Gengai military base. Pointing out over the ocean was the famous cannon: the Polka Ray. The Polka Ray was never used unless it was dire emergency. The thing can pack quite a punch.   
Jessica stopped suddenly, gazing up at Junon. "Polka City has always been so beautiful. If I had enough money, I'd move here. The town is always so happy and joyous. It's a beautiful town to live in. Some day, I'll come here again, without a bunch of idiots."   
"Yep, sure is a nice place," Jim commented as he walked up behind Jessica. "Still, I'm not a huge fan of polka-dots. I'll be just as glad to get out of here before they drive me insane."   
"How can you say that? They're beautiful. They are perfection," Jessica said, fading out of reality, gazing at the polka-dots.   
Florence jogged up beside Jim. "It's kind of nice. I think we should wait here a minute. Or until sunset, whenever Harry decides to hurry up!" The last five words Florence shouted so Harry could hear her.   
"I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying! Keep your dress on! Wait," Harry called, and a hint of a smile crept on his face. "Forget that last part."   
"Don't even _think_ about it!" Florence snapped back and then sighed, "Men. Does that man always sound drunk, even when he's sober?"   
"No, at least when he's sober his speech isn't slurred. That, and he doesn't wobble around quite as much. Otherwise, he's exactly the same," Jim said with a bit of a chuckle.   
"Hey, who's that?" Florence asked, pointing to a teenage girl who stood a short walk down the road.   
"Let's go find out," Jim said. Florence and Jim walked on to greet this person while Jessica stayed behind, still hypnotized by Junon's polka-dots.   
The girl was humming softly to herself as she skipped around in circles on the path and then reclined on a rock. She was wearing a pair of dirty brown shorts and a maple red top. She also wore a pair of brown and black hiking boots, burgundy gloves and a deep black headband that matched her hair.   
"Hi there," Florence greeted the girl with a smile. "I'm Florence and this is Jim."   
"Hi!" the girl said with a big grin. "I'm Muffie from Wutai."   
"Wutai? I thought that was just a legend," Jim said, puzzled.   
"No, no, no!" Muffie exclaimed. "It does exist! Want me to show you where it is? Yeah! I'll show you, just follow me! Come on, don't be shy!" At that, she ran around Jim and Florence and started to run to the nearby cliff that looked out onto the ocean. She jumped, and dived. There was a huge splashing sound. Before Jim and Florence knew it, they saw Muffie swimming out to sea.   
"She was certainly strange," Jim commented.   
"Yeah. Well, uh, let's get Jessica and Harry so we can get to Junon before it gets late," Florence said.   
"Hey, wait a minute. She took all the spoons I was carrying!" Jim said as he looked in his backpack. "But everything else of value is still there."   
"Spoons? What would anyone want with spoons?" Florence asked.   
"I have no idea. That girl was really weird. Let's just get going."   
  
The group of five entered the gates of Junon to find a man standing before a crowd, calling out to them. Curious, they stepped towards the commotion to see what was going on.   
"What's going on?" Jim asked one of the spectators.   
"That Colin Basnett is at it again," the person replied. "He's going to get jailed for sure this time."   
The man, Colin Basnett, wore a strange polka-dot sweater, matching pants and goofy polka-dot sunglasses. He was a scrawny, little thing, no taller than Jim. He spoke in a loud voice to the crowd.   
"I'm the boss around here! I order you all to do what I say! You aren't done yet? Well darn you, get your rear in gear! I'm the boss damn it! I'll be your mayor and supreme overlord! Ooh, look at me! I'm the mayor," his voice was quickly changing from overly bossy to sarcastic, "I'm Mr. Big Shot! Look at me as I run around in circles like a big idiot! Polka this, and dot that. We need more polka! Polka everything! La, dee, da! Down with the polka I say! Down with polka!"   
Colin began to madly rip off his polka-dotted clothes. He threw the sunglasses into the crowd. He was soon half-naked, wearing nothing but orange, striped boxers. "Stripes is the way to go people! Stripes forever! No more oppression! Let the word be known!" He jumped up and down and began to roll around in a mud puddle, frantically. He kept screaming "Stripes!" over and over until the Junon police came and took him away.   
The crowd began to separate and go back to their homes while the five companions stared at the place where Colin was screaming with confused and almost frightened looks in their eyes.   
"Serves him right. I hope he never gets out of jail. Stripes are the lowest things ever, not when you have the perfection of polka!" Jessica exclaimed, gazing at the polka-dots all around her.   
"Jessica, I think you're taking this a little too far. I mean, they're just polka-dots," Florence said.   
"Just polka-dots? How dare you say such things! These aren't just polka-dots! These are perfection, these are our masters! They were sent as holy messengers! That's it, I'll meet you guys here later when you have seen the light!" Jessica shouted and stormed off down the street.   
"Okay, see you later Jess!" Jim called after her. "Come on, let's find a place to rest. Maybe there's an inn by the beach." Jim lead the way towards the beach. When they got there they saw a young girl.   
The girl looked at the group, smiled and then ran off into the water.   
"Oh my goodness! Look out little girl!" Florence cried. In the water, was a great beast, about to attack the girl.   
"We have to help her!" Jim exclaimed and started running into the water. "Come on you guys!"   
"You go on ahead," Harry said. "I'm in way too much pain to do anything."   
Florence and Sarah chased after Jim, and suddenly, a great battle against this water beast began.   
"Alalaorfaleed!" came the battle cry from Jim and it had begun. Jim slashed at the beast while Florence wildly attacked with her rubber chocobos. Sarah finally finished it as she charged and slammed into the creature head on. The monster fled, leaving behind something.   
"Hey, this looks like a costume. What the hell?" Jim asked curiously.   
They quickly brought the girl back to shore as a man ran down to see what was happening.   
"Chinchilla!" he cried. "Oh Chinchilla, are you alright? Oh my goodness, she isn't moving. I think she needs CPR! Can you help her young man?"   
Jim stared in bewilderment. "Me? Okay, I'll try." He knelt by the girl, Chinchilla, and took a deep breath. "Hey, wait a minute." The girl's lips began to pucker. "She's breathing perfectly! What's going on here?" Jim stood up.   
The girl sighed and opened her eyes. "I'm sorry. It was all a trick to get close to you." Jim stared at her in bewilderment. "Ever since you walked into Junon ten minutes ago, I knew I was in love. I had to stage this act so you would love me too." Chinchilla wrapped her arms around Jim's leg and locked on, not preparing to let go.   
"I'm flattered and all but," Jim tried shaking the girl off, "I'm not really looking for a relationship. Hey," he shook his leg some more, "let go of me. Come on now," Jim was waving his leg madly, trying to get this girl off, "let me go!"   
"Never!" Chinchilla shouted. "I'll never let this moment go."   
"Okay then, I'll just shove you back in the water again." Jim started walking back to the water when a large dolphin swam in Jim's way.   
"That's Mr. Skibbs. You fought him. It was all part of my clever plan for us to be together," Chinchilla said, gazing up at Jim.   
"All right, this is just stupid. You're in love with me? Well then, take a look at this." Jim took off his hat to reveal his mangled, messy, spikey ball of hair.   
Chinchilla screamed at the top of her lungs, released herself from Jim's leg and ran as fast as she could.   
"Good work, Jim! That could have been quite a problem for us to have that girl stuck on your leg,?" Florence congratulated, smiling. "Let's just find that inn and get some needed rest."   
"Who ever thought that my hair would actually help me?" Jim sighed. "Yeah, let's just get going before things get worse around here."   
The companions hurried down the beach until they came to a nice looking inn. Perhaps not as nice looking as dilapidated. Still, it was an inn and the group was dreadfully tired. They walked in to find that the inside looked worse than out. There were loose floorboards and caked on mud everywhere. Spiders and their webs were strung all across the walls and the ceiling had green footprints on it.   
"What a lovely place," Jim commented smiling.   
"Yeah, yeah," a woman at the counter said. "You want a room? You get one! We have a special 'President Coming Into Town Sale', only 153 gil for family suite!"   
"The President's coming into town?" Florence inquired.   
"Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. Now, are you going to pay up or what?"   
Florence thought for a moment, remembering their last encounter with President Doofus. "Yes, we'll stay for the night. Jim, pay the woman."   
Their transaction complete, the group went into their suite which turned out to be more of a cramped, little room with a few grungy looking cots scattered around the room. The formerly blue wallpaper was now peeling and resembled a combination of yellow and purple.   
"You'd think that at those kinds of prices they would clean up this joint," Harry said.   
"I find it kind of cozy. It reminds me of the time I was stuck in that barn when I was a kid. I was looking for Sarah. She had run away. Ah, we were such crazy kids, right Sarah?" Jim reminisced, looking down at his goat. "It was almost exactly like this place. The smell of old cow and goat manure mixed with the sweet aroma of rotting wood. It was a very unsafe place to be in. One of the best nights I ever had as a boy. Well, more like a week and a half. That's when Dad found me choking on the fumes of that sweet, sweet manure. Those were the best times a boy could have."   
The others stared at Jim for a while. "Maybe that explains Jim's current mental. . . issues," Harry whispered to Florence and she nodded slowly.   
"Where did you run off to anyway, Sarah? We found you nearly two weeks after that. You were frightened and shaking when Dad found you in that ditch. Never were quite the same after that."   
Sarah looked up at Jim for a moment. She then sheepishly turned and curled up into a corner for some sleep, glancing around nervously.   
"Let's just get some sleep before this entire place collapses," Jessica said, laying down on a cot. The group slowly drifted off to sleep listening to the low harmony of polka, far off in the slums and the world of Upper Junon above. While the others slept, Sarah got on all fours and silently trotted out of the room. 

Jessica walked down the streets, invigorated by the polka party around her. Men with giant accordions danced in the streets while children in their polka-dot clothes danced around them. Polka bands were on every corner and people were painting dots on the wall of every colour imaginable. The world was a beautiful place in Junon. Everything was colourful, even the slums. Polka was everywhere to be seen and there was a certain mirth that was brought with it. Jessica thought she could never leave this place. She could just wrap herself in a warn polka-dot blanket and dance to the beautiful rhythm.   
There were polka-dotted signs pasted on polka-dotted walls that spoke of President Rufus coming to Junon. He was on his way to the western lands and would be stopping by to give his praises to polka.   
_Now that's a real President,_ Jessica thought. _Someone who will give polka the praises they deserve._   
"People of Polka City! I ask you to join me on a quest! I have been spoken to in a dream by four mighty polka-dots! They have told me to gather their children and take them to their home land! Come with me and be one with polka and all its sweet glory! Come with me to the land of cheese and honeycomb! There is more out there children! Follow me! Follow me, I say! The homeland of all polka awaits us!" A man at the street corner was yelling to a small crowd that had gathered around him. He wore old, torn up clothes, a polka-dot top hat, moth eaten gloves and polka-boots that had a large hole, revealing the man's big toe. His face was covered in a thick, black, tangled mess of a beard and bushy eyebrows. He had a long, chubby nose and deep brown eyes. To add to all of this was the scent of fresh alcohol. Obviously, this man was unbelievably drunk. "Now, who will join me?"   
A soft murmur came from the crowd as the man asked his question. They weren't about to join some drunk on an insane quest for something he made up in his own drunken imagination. All except for Jessica of course. _Such a smart man,_ she thought. At that, she jumped up and exclaimed, "I'll join!" 

"_Wheeze!_ Have you found Olaf, yet? _Wheeze!_ I don't want him ruining my welcoming ceremony. _Wheeze!_ Oh, drat it all. Where are my glasses? I'm blind without them. I need to find them so I can get my inhaler," Doofus said, feeling around his desk.   
"Sir, your glasses are on top of your head and you left your inhaler in your coat," Murry said with a slight sigh.   
"Oh, of course." Doofus quickly put on his glasses, got his inhaler and took a deep breath. He let out a sigh of relief. "Much better. Now, what about Olaf?"   
"We've lost track of him, sir. We don't even know what he looks like. Our people have been on the look out for a man carrying a large fish. We've turned up with five already."   
"Let's have a look at them."   
Murry and Doofus walked over to a large window. "We can see them," Murry explained, "but they can't see us."   
Doofus looked at each carefully. A few were carrying baskets full of smelly, dead fish. He looked at one and shouted out in surprise. "Is that a woman? We were specifically looking for a _man_ carrying a large fish."   
"Yeah, we're still trying to figure that one out. The lab tests should be coming up soon."   
Doofus sighed. "None of these can be Olaf. I want him found and brought to me. He will pay for father's death! He will pay!" He started coughing madly and wheezing. "Get me my inhaler!" 

Sarah trotted along a cold, dark street of Junon. She moved slowly, nervously. She turned at a sound, to only find a couple of people turn a corner to another street. They were talking and laughing. Why had she left? It was almost as if she was being drawn by something. She shuddered to think of what it was.   
"Hello Sarah," a cold, ancient voice said from the darkness. "Do you remember me?"   
The goat shivered. She tried to burst forward in a great run, but she found her legs had frozen in fear. There was no where to run, no where to hide. That voice had sent a horrible chill up her spine. She knew who it was, but there was nothing she could do.   
A pair of glowing green eyes stared at her through the darkness. The face that those eyes belonged to suddenly flew right in front of her. A large purple fish was slapped to the ground in front of her, those green eyes staring into her soul.   
"If you don't remember me, then you should at least remember Jimbles. Yes, you remember. Glee-hee-hoo!" the voice laughed. The voice stepped forward, so Sarah could see it. A man with long, balding, silver hair stared down at her with frightening blue eyes. He held Jimble's tail in his right hand and wore a long, trench coat. Beneath the coat was a red and white striped uniform shirt for Uncle Bobby's Fried Chicken. He also wore a sticker that read, "Hello, my name is: OLAF".   
Jimbles foamed whipped cream from the mouth as Sarah trembled before her. A thousand memories returning to her goatish mind after being locked away in the deepest parts of her memory.   
"You remember it all quite clearly, now don't you? You still don't know the full story. Perhaps I'll share it with you some time. Glee-hee-hoo! Ha ha ha!" Olaf cackled and laughed. He raised Jimbles high and then sent the fish swinging into Sarah. The goat flew a meter into the air and fell again to the earth.   
Olaf lugged Jimbled over his shoulder and then dashed off into the night's darkness. "Ow! Stupid wall!" He continued his rush forward, hopping on one leg. 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven: Welcoming Ceremony

Jessica gazed down at the wise drunk. Soon, they could begin their journey to the Promised Land, the land where polka reigns over all beings. This was so exciting. Although, she wondered why a prophet of the polka would sleep in the gutter? Perhaps it was about time to wake him, before the rats tried stealing his clothes again.   
"Sir," Jessica said gently, shaking the drunk's arm, "perhaps you should wake up. I'm anxious to begin our journey."   
"What? Who's there? Ratford, is that you? I told you to stop eating my clothes. Hey, a lollipop!" the drunk mumbled and rolled around. He proceeded to pick up a discarded lemon lollipop and put it in his mouth.   
Jessica shuddered. "Um, I don't think you should eat that. Oh goodness, don't crunch it." She watched in disgust at this man's habits. If this truly was a prophet of the polka, she'd need to get him together. "All right, that's it! Get out of this gutter, spit out that disgusting lollipop and let's get ready for our quest!"   
"There's a quest? Oh, oh yeah. Well, first we need to cross that... Um... Big blue thing."   
"The ocean?"   
"Yeah, that's it. So let's take one of those big ocean floating things. There should be one leaving today... Or, was that three years ago?"   
"It's called a boat. How about I get us there, you just conserve your intelligence," Jessica said, becoming quite irritated. She lifted the drunk up by the collar and started to drag him down the street. 

"Sarah! Oh no, Sarah!" Jim cried out in panic. He was running about the shabby inn room, flipping over cots. "Where is she? Sarah? Sarah!" He searched in a hole in the wall, and soon made his way through the rest of the inn, barging into other people's rooms and making a mess of everything. At least, a larger mess than the inn already was.   
"What's all this? You be quiet big hair boy! You disturbing the big paying suckers, er, customers! You getting kicked out now!" the inn keeper scolded Jim.   
So, Florence and Harry found themselves awakening in mid air as they were thrown out of the inn, with Jim flying soon after them.   
"Ah, that cot was more comfortable than I tho-ahhh!" Florence screamed as she hit the earth.   
"My wounds are healed, hurraaah!" Next came a screaming Harry, who landed and hurt his back. It didn't help to have Jim land right on top of him. "Oh goodness, the pain of it all!"   
Jim immediately stood up and began calling out Sarah's name, in a frantic search for his lost goat. He began digging a hole in the sand. "Sarah, are you down there?"   
"Jim, get a hold of yourself! I'm sure that Sarah just went for a little walk for fresh air. She'll be right back," Florence reasoned.   
"I suppose you're right, but... I have a feeling she's in trouble."   
"Don't worry about her, she's fine."   
At that moment, a man ran by. "Hey, guess what? Some guy found a goat on the street, we're gonna go sacrifice it to the great polka-gods further down the beach. This is great!" and with that said, the man ran off, to join a group of people who were carrying an unconscious Sarah in the air.   
" 'Don't worry, she's fine,' you said. 'She'll be right back,' you said. Remind me not to listen to you and your common sense anymore," Jim grumbled, and then dashed off towards the group of psychotic cultists.   
"Oh great gods of polka, hear our words!" another man in blue and black polka-dot robes said out to the sea. A great group of the cultists stood behind him, humming and waving their hands in their air. Two cultists were in front of the man in robes, holding Sarah high above them. "Accept this sacrifice, oh mighty ones, so that you may forgive us from our sins! Take this goat as a sign of our undying love to you oh mighty gods of polka!"   
"Hey, that's my goat!" Jim exclaimed, holding the Bungle Sword ready and in a battle stance. "No one, and I mean no one, sacrifices my goat!" He narrowed his eyes at the cultists.   
"No, this is the gods' goat now! Minions, get him!" the man in robes ordered, as he turned around, pointing to Jim.   
"Alalaorafleed!" the battle cry crashed through the air and Jim lunged forward, the Bungle Sword slicing at the cultists. 

"I've had enough of your incompetence! You couldn't even figure out if that mammoth was a man or a woman! You're idiots! You can't do anything!" Murry and the rest of the clerks stood before Doofus as he yelled at them, and then began to hack and cough. "And get me a new inhaler, this one's broken!"   
"President Gengai, with all due respect, Olaf is a very tricky person to find. As for that... thing, some of your yelling should be directed at Mojo. After all, the test sample we sent him blew up the computer, he should have built it to resist such things," Murry stated.   
"..."   
"Quiet Parrot," Rusty hissed.   
"Why don't you both be quiet?" Helga suggested, angrily.   
"Silence!" Doofus exclaimed, adjusting his extra thick glasses. "Luckily I've brought in some people who can find Olaf: Jirdiegger and Pinky!"   
Immediately came the sound of two laughs. The first was gruff and deep, while the second screeched the air, and had a more feminine tone. "Gya ha ha!" "Kya ha ha!"   
First entered a fat man with shaggy black hair and a matching beard. He wore a dark green suit and stood in front of the Clerks. This was Jirdiegger. Next came a woman with long blonde hair that had been put up in a pony tail. She wore a sparkling red dress with a long slit that revealed a large portion of her left leg. She stood beside Jirdiegger. This was Pinky.   
"You will follow their orders exactly. Now, all of you leave my sight. I need to get a new pair of glasses for my welcoming ceremony this evening," Doofus said, waving a hand. At that command, the Clerks left, followed closely by Jirdiegger and Pinky. 

"Jim, you idiot! We have two dozen angry cultists after us, and it's all because of that darn goat!" Harry cried. He, Jim and Florence were all running from the cultists, and Sarah lay unconscious in Jim's arms.   
"Hey, you're always going on about saving the planet. Goats are part of the planet too!" Jim countered.   
"You shall feel the wrath of the polka!" part of the crowd roared from behind. They started to throw numerous polka-dotted items at the three companions' heads. A few of the objects hit their legs and backs, and one man threw a piece of wood that knocked off Jim's hat. The cultists stopped running and screamed. They immediately turned and ran in the opposite direction.   
The group stopped and turned around. Jim carefully put Sarah down, and then retrieved his hat. He slipped it back in place, covering his mangled hair. "Gee, you'd think that people around here would have seen a bad case of bed head and hat hair before."   
"Jim, your hair goes beyond bad," Florence stated.   
"So what would you say it is?" Jim questioned.   
"I'd say it's horrid, atrocious, gruesome," she counted them off.   
"Okay, okay, I get the idea!"   
"Hideous, ghastly, loathsome, repugnant, terrifying, detest-"   
"Enough! No more!"   
Florence smiled sweetly and said, "Before I sold chocobos I sold thesauruses. I was actually pretty good, I might even say splendid, wonderful, amazing, astounding, marvelous, sensational, glor-"   
"Stop it! No more synonyms!" Jim shouted.   
"So, what were the feeding habits of the Thesaurus?" Harry inquired, looking at Florence.   
"No, a thesaurus isn't a dinosaur, it's... Oh forget about it," Florence sighed.   
"What? What is it? Tell me!"   
"Guys, pipe down. Do you hear that?" Jim asked, tilting an ear out. "It's some sort of polka music, but not like the kind we've been hearing before. This sounds different, almost like a march."   
"Hey, maybe this has to deal with Doofus' arrival," Florence said.   
"Let's go see what's happening. There's a crowd gathering, follow them!" Harry cried. He quickly followed a group of people in polka-tops and polka-pants. Florence was right behind Harry, and Jim took a moment to pick up Sarah.   
"Come on Sarah, let's go." He hugged the unconscious goat, and looked at her with a concerned and worried expression. He then dashed off after the others. 

"Hey, where are we going? What happened to Ratford?" the drunk questioned.   
"We're going to try to find the homeland of the polka; the Promised Land. As for Ratford, I have no idea. Now come on, are you going to lead me to Promised Land or not?" Jessica answered.   
"Oh yeah. Well, first we go left... And then we go... Um, over there. Man, my head hurts."   
"Oh, you poor thing. Let me help." Jessica tenderly held the drunk by the shoulders for a moment, then kicked him in the shin.   
"Arg! That hurts! You kicked my leg! The pain, it burns!" the drunk man was screaming at the top of his lungs, holding his shin.   
"Well, you're not concentrating on the pain in your head are you?" Jessica smiled, and then turned her head as she heard something else. "Hey, do you hear that music? Let's go find out what's going on."   
She dragged the drunk along until they came to a great crowd of people anxiously awaiting the new President's arrival. Polka-dot banners hung in the hair and glittering confetti rained down as the polka march played.   
"Oh yeah, the President's heading across to the western continent," the drunk remembered, sounding sensible for once. He gazed out blankly for a moment. "We must take the boat with the President to the land of the polka!"   
"Do you really think he'll let us join him?"   
"Of course he will. I know him personally! Now let's find his boat and sneak on before he sees us."   
Jessica sighed and followed the drunk in a random direction, to what he believed would lead them to Upper Junon. It would be there that the President would depart. 

"We've done it, sir! Gya ha ha!" Jirdiegger guffawed.   
"We have Olaf! Kya ha ha!" Pinky cackled.   
"Excellent work! Now he won't be able to ruin my parade. Let's take a look at him before I go out for my welcoming ceremony," Doofus said with a smile.   
"Bring in Olaf!" Jirdiegger commanded, turning towards the door.   
Parrot and Rusty brought in a large man, wearing an apron. He was kicking against their grip. He had whipped cream all over him and smelled of fish. "I told you, my name is Omaf! I sell fish and whipped cream! Let go of me!" he pleaded.   
"Sure you are," Pinky said with a wicked smile. "He's been lying like this since we found him. He didn't have Jimbles with him though. I'm guessing he has her hidden somewhere."   
"All right, Olaf. Where's the fish? Where's Jimbles?" Doofus interrogated as Rusty and Parrot brought him closer.   
"Jimbles? I don't know a fish named Jimbles. What do you want from me?"   
"Come on, Olaf! You're only making this hard on yourself!" Jirdiegger rumbled.   
"We're tired of your lies! Tell us or else!" Pinky sent a slap across Omaf's face.   
"I'm telling you the truth! I don't know any Olaf! Just leave me alone." The man began sobbing on the spot. "Please don't kill me."   
Doofus raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Get him out of my sight before he decides to ruin the carpet. Ugh, too late." The carpet beneath Omaf began to turn a shade of yellow. Rusty and Parrot dragged him away, as he continued to bawl.   
"Keep searching for Olaf. In the mean time, my ceremony awaits. Let my grand festival begin! Besides, I'm starting to get tired of all these damn polka-dots." Doofus walked off, adjusting his new, silver taped glasses and gently breathing into his inhaler. 

The parade began and that horrible polka music flooded through the streets as the people cheered on to their new President. Doofus smiled and waved out to the people who had gathered. It was then that the two groups joined the crowd to witness the Doofus' arrival. They didn't know just how close they were to each other, through all the cheering and the music. It wasn't until the President was about to be taken up to the upper level of Junon that they finally met each other again.   
Jessica and Jim bumped into each other as they were about to jump into an elevator to follow the President. "Hey, idiot! Get out of my way! Oh, it's you Jim!" Jessica exclaimed.   
"Jessica, I was starting to wonder if we'd see you again. Are you going to rejoin our quest to stop Olaf from his evil deeds?" Jim asked, rubbing his head.   
"No, Jim, I'm not going to. I've found a new quest. I will find the Promised Land and this man will show me the way!" she pointed in a direction where no one stood and looked around. She then pointed to a man who was on the ground, licking dirt.   
"Ah, the sweet nectar of fallen whiskey on dirt," the drunk mumbled and continued licking up the dirt. "Ew, the bitter nectar of dog pee on dirt."   
Jessica sighed, "Oh fine, I'll join up with you. Where are we going?"   
"We're going after Doofus!" Harry exclaimed.   
"And why are you doing that?"   
"Since when did these guys ever need a reason? Let's just go and stop bothering to make any sense of it," Florence stated with a slight sigh.   
"There's a very good reason," Harry defended. "Doofus must know where Olaf is. He's going to be sailing across the sea, so that must mean that Olaf's there!"   
Jessica sighed and then finally noticed the unconscious Sarah. "What happened to her?" she asked, looking up to Jim.   
"I'm not entirely sure, she just won't wake up. I hope she's all right." he gazed down at his poor goat with a saddened look in his eyes. "Well, let's get going! We have a fiend to fight!" Jim jumped onto the elevator and the others piled in as well. 

Upper Junon was a fanciful place, with even more music and cheering than in the lower half. Polka-dots were everywhere, and Jessica's eyes sparkled. Sadly, there wasn't enough time for them to join the festivities, as they had to find the boat that would be carrying Doofus Gengai. Luckily, the sign reading, "Rufus Gengai's Personal Sea Liner, This Way" helped a lot.   
"This is it guys, we're off to explore a whole new world!" Jim exclaimed.   
"Well, it's not really a new world," Florence said. "It's just a new continent, if you can even call it that."   
"Let's just hope they have showers aboard because you guys are starting to smell," Harry commented.   
"It's not like your the King of Sweetened Scents yourself," Jessica bit back, sarcastically.   
"Come on guys, stop arguing and let's get aboard this thing. We'll have two whole days of sailing in which we can argue," Jim pleaded.   
He stepped onto the ship and the others followed, sneaking through carefully and taking crew uniforms so they wouldn't draw any unwanted attention. Their cruise had begun, though there was a dark, unexplainable feeling looming in each of them, saying that it may end soon. 


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: On That Day...

It all happened so long ago, yet I remember it as if it were yesterday. Everything seemed so strange - so new - I didn't know what I was doing, or what exactly was going on. I was just a kid then; young and foolish. I don't know what I was thinking; running away from the farm like that, but I did. I didn't want to be cramped in that farm. I wanted to grow, and be my own goat. I soon learned that I had chosen a very dangerous path, and once on it, I couldn't just run away. 

I ran as fast as my small goaty legs could go. It's not that I don't like Jim, or his family, it's just that they're a little too weird, I told myself. I was far from Kalm, from that goat farm, and then I suddenly realized that I was alone. It was a creepy feeling, being away from the people I had spent all my kid hood with.   
I trotted cautiously through a wide field, looking around. Quite suddenly, a pack of Kalm Fang leaped up from out of no where. They started to circle me, eyeing me hungrily. I didn't know what to do; every moment of my young life flashed before my eyes. One of the beasts snapped at my leg, I let out a cry, and then they were gone. I spun around to go back to the farm, and I saw the pack pouncing on a man in front of me. I don't know what came over me, but I let out a high pitched bleat, and charged the Fangs. There was a blur of fur, and blood. The next thing I knew, the Fangs were gone, and I was wearily sitting beside the man who had been attacked. He was injured, and he needed serious help.   
It was at that moment that I first considered going back to the farm for the first time, but I knew I couldn't do that. I dragged him all the way to a small chocobo farm. It was there that they nursed the man back to health, and took care of my few wounds. After that, we became travelling companions.   
"The name's Olaf," he introduced. "I guess we're pals now, huh? You know, you saved my life." He smiled and ruffled up my hair. "So, where do we go now? It doesn't seem that you have a home, and I've been fired from my job at Uncle Bobby's Fried Chicken. Well, I guess we'll just travel the fields together, huh?"   
Together, we went all the way to Wigfarm, in a hopes that Olaf would find a new job, and he did. He got one as a janitor for Gengai, and I got to help him out. 

"Now what's this? Seems to be covered in dust. Mojo should really keep his stuff clean," Olaf said to himself, casually cleaning a large container with an old cloth. "Jimbles..." the word echoed into my ears as he cleared the dust and grime away from the name plate.   
He continued to scrub, until he could finally see through the glass. A purple-black fish was there, staring right back with glowing green eyes. For some reason he became infatuated with the fish. For days, he obsessed over it.   
"Hey Jimbles, how's it going today? What's that? You want a belly rub? Oh, yes you do!" he exclaimed in a cutified voice. He proceeded to rub the container. "That's a good Jimbles!" It started off innocently enough, with some harmless games. Strangely enough, it had some strange control over me, as well. While Olaf was busy cleaning other areas of the building, I would stare at Jimbles' green eyes. It hypnotized me, and all seemed peaceful. Then, a couple days later... 

"What's that Jimbles? What do you need me to do? I don't know. No! Don't say that Jimbles! I-I'll do it, just give me some time. Just... Some time..." I overheard him talking to it, in a quieted tone. My ears were telling me that he was talking to himself; that there was no response coming from the purple-black beast. Though, in my mind I could hear echoing whispers of some horrible, disembodied being. I couldn't make it out, but I knew that there was something wrong with Jimbles. There was a reason why the container had been shoved into storage and left for ages of dust to cover it.   
Again, I felt the sudden urge to return home, but I knew I couldn't leave Olaf. We had become friends, and I couldn't just run off because he, and that fish of his, were creeping me out a bit. Besides, I didn't want to go back to the crazed farm life, I wanted to expand. However, I wasn't sure this was the safest place for me to expand.   
That night, I had trouble falling asleep. It seemed almost as if I had the weight of my whole goatly world upon my shoulders, and I wasn't sure what to do. I finally fell asleep, and in the middle of my slumber there was a screech. The most horrible, mind rattling scream I had ever heard, but I didn't hear it. It echoed through my mind; I awoke instantly. I looked around the room, but there was no one there. That really worried me, since Olaf should have been in bed. I heard the screech again, echoing through my mind, and I fell to the ground, recognizing the voice. The voice was that of the disembodied whispers I heard before.   
I moved as fast as I could out of the room, speeding down the halls, trying to find Olaf. I made it to the elevator, but of course, as a goat I wasn't allowed to have a key card. I rammed the door of the elevator in a vain attempt at getting in. The whispers started, and they were quickly becoming more clear. I bleated loudly, trying to force the voice out of my head, but it started speaking louder.   
"Sarah..." it whispered, the hissing echoing in my ears. "Sarah... Ssarah... Sarah.... Ssss..." 

"...arah? Sarah, wake up! Come on girl," Jim pleaded, shaking his poor goat.   
Slowly, the goat's eyes blinked open, and she looked up at Jim. The young man's face lit up with cheer, and he lifted the goat, starting to dance with her. His messy hair flew everywhere as he danced around, quickly, in circles.   
Jessica looked at Jim, and then whispered to Florence, "It happened. He's really lost it this time." The goat and Jim continued to dance, as the ship slowly sailed across the sea.   
The sound of footsteps clanking on metal soon came from above, and Harry, clad in a sailor's uniform, soon appeared. "Hey guys!" he exclaimed in a hushed voice. "There's something happening on deck. Come on up, and check this out." He then turned and clamoured back up, disappearing. 


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen: A Sailor's Life of Cheese  
  
"What is it this time Harry, did you see another sea gull?" Jessica asked sarcastically.  
"No, this is something that's really worth seeing. Something big is happening, I just know it. Everyone's running around, but that's not all. I have this strange feeling, the planet is speaking to me again," Harry whispered over to the others, as they peered at the crew of the President's personal sea liner.   
"Hey look Jim, it's that girl who took our spoons! They're bringing her out of the water!" Florence exclaimed.  
"But we have to be at least half way across the ocean by now, how could she have possibly gotten this far?" Jim questioned, astonished.  
"Haha, Wutia! Almost there... Just need the spoons... Fishies have lots of spoons! Fishy-spoon! Fishy-spoon!" the soaking wet young lady exclaimed, deliriously. She squirted water from her mouth, like a fountain, into the face of a near-by sailor.  
"Looks like she's been out on the water for a little too long. Come on, let's head back below deck," Florence said, turning around to head back down the stairs.   
"I still think there's more going on here than meets the eye," Harry stated, staring vigilantly forward.  
"It's nothing, Harry. There's nothing going on, and your little planet friend isn't telling you anything. Let's go before someone sees us and gets suspicious," Jessica reasoned, and started to follow Florence.  
Harry remained, frozen in place. A faint murmur came from him, "Sugar-gloop.... Humma himma..... Yeeesss... Buy eggs and caramel......... Hypickler-corn..... snoozy-znoosy...."  
"I think he's talking to the planet," Jim sighed.  
"Oh, forget him! Come on!" Jessica exclaimed. She grabbed Jim and pulled him below deck, leaving Harry to talk to the planet.  
  
"It's so boring out here! There's nothing to do, but sit here and make sure we aren't seen. There has to be more we can do, Jim. I'm about to go insane!" Florence exclaimed.   
Jim thought for a moment. "I don't know. Hey! I have an idea! I think I have it in my pack." He started digging around in his backpack, and came up with a deck of cards. He started dealing them out to Sarah, Florence and Jessica. "The game is Goaty-Goat. Three cards up, five in the bucket, seven by the keg, and four in the hand. Fives, Rings, and Really Old Kings are wild. Let's play some Goaty-Goat!"  
  
"Hey Merle, do hear that? Sounds like there's something going on below deck. Let's go check it out," a man in a sailor's outfit said to another. The two walked down a set of stairs below deck.  
"Hey, what's that?" Merle asked, pointing in the dark.  
"There's something going on here. Come on." The two scrambled into the dark room before them. There was a terrified scream, a thud, and Merle came running out as quickly as he could. A black-clad hand slammed onto his shoulder, dragged him back, and there was another thud to the ground. A pair glowing green eyes shimmered, then flickered away."  
  
"Pim-pammel... Hussabah...." Harry mumbled. His eyes then quickly shot open, he fell back, and screamed, "Something's terribly wrong!" He looked around, and saw that he was surrounded by a number of sailors, glaring at him. They picked him up, and dragged him off.  
  
"Hehehe! Spoon-spoons!" Muffie giggled madly. She dug through cupboards, pulling out dozens of spoons, and rubbed them all over her. "All for me! Spoons for me!" She tossed them to the floor and started rolling around in them. She then froze at a sound in the distance. "Someone's coming." She stuffed the spoons into her shirt, into her shoes, her shorts and placed them in various parts of her hair. She turned, and faced a sailor.  
"You're not supposed to be in here. Hey, what're those?" he pointed to the various spoon-like shapes that poked from the fabric.  
"Oh.. N-nothing at all. Well, let's go to where I should be!" Muffie exclaimed, a bit jittery.  
"All right," the sailor turned, and started walking. "Follow me."  
Muffie took one step; a spoon fell from her hair, and clattered to the floor. She stopped, and smiled nervously as the sailor turned around.  
"Oh, you dropped this." He picked up the spoon, and handed it to the spoon-clad girl. "Now let's get going."  
Giggling cheerfully, she quickly followed the sailor. They soon found several other sailors dragging a kicking, and screaming, Harry Smith. "Let go of me! Help! Someone help me!" The loud, annoying, shouts of Harry could probably be heard across the whole ship.  
  
"Goaty-Goat!" Florence exclaimed with glee.  
"Again? Darn, that's five in a row. Okay, you deal Jessica," said Jim.  
"Okay, two cards up, three in the bucket, nine by the keg, and five in the hand. Fours, sevens, and the Fat Jack is wild," Jessica stated as she dealt out the cards.  
"Hey, do you guys hear something? Almost sounds like Harry's screaming for help," Florence observed, listening carefully.  
Everyone was silent for a moment. "Nah, that's not Harry, must be someone else. Let's keep playing," Jim said, breaking the silence. He patted Sarah on the head, then looked at his cards.  
  
"Sarah..."  
  
Muffie was alone, while her escort dealt with the struggling Harry. She looked around carefully. This was her chance. All she had to do now was wait for the right moment to make her move. She glanced to each side. "The coast is clear," she whispered softly to herself. "Now." She ran and jumped off deck, spoons clattering to the ground behind her. Landing with a thud in a life boat, she began to lower it as fast as she could to the water. "So long!" she laughed with glee as she started to paddle away. "To Wutia, and spoons!"  
Once she was far enough away from the boat, she set the paddle down, and began to toss her spoons into the air, and rolled around in them. "All the spoons in the world, and they're mine!" she giggled gleefully. Then, a handful of spoons slipped from her hand, into the water. She let out a scream, and she dove into the water after them.  
  
"I'm here Sarah..."  
  
"What's all the commotion out there?" Doofus demanded.  
"It appears that one of those trouble-makers were found. Remember, the group of misfits that we found when your father died?" Murry explained.  
"If one of them is here, then the others can't be far off, and perhaps Olaf will be found as well. I want a ship wide search done! I want them found, and their little goat, too!" the President began to cackle wickedly, which resulted in another asthmatic coughing fit.  
  
Sarah let out a frightened bleat that echoed throughout the whole room. She dashed under the table and hid.  
"Sarah, what's wrong?" Jim exclaimed, immediately worried.   
A group of sailors quickly came up to the group. "Hey, if you guys see a suspicious looking group of people with a goat, let us know. They shouldn't be too hard to find, one them is supposed to have the worst hair style on the planet," one told them, and all of the sailors burst out into laughter.  
"Why you little-!" Jim shouted, ready to lunge at the sailor.   
Jessica immediately stopped him, grabbing his arm and holding it back. "Control yourself Jim."  
"Hey, y'know... You guys fit the description pretty well," another sailor said, eyeing them suspiciously.  
Yet another grabbed Jim's hat and took it off, revealing the horrible mess of hair. "It is them!   
"This is very bad," Florence pointed out, as the sailors advanced on them. She quickly whipped out two rubber chocobos. She jumped at one of the sailors, swinging the chocobo madly above her head. "Heeeyaaaah!"  
"Alalalorafleeeeed!!" Jim's call echoed through the room as he revealed the Bungle Sword. He swung the weapon at the men that stood before him.  
"Oh great," Jessica sighed, and watched the chaos, wincing every now and then as the sailors were thrown about.   
  
"Take this!" Harry threw a few sailors from his arm and tried to escape, however, more piled on him. He let out a cry and stumbled backwards. "Help!" He was thrown back and fell right off the side of the boat. He just managed to grab the railing before plummeting to the water below. He released a a sigh of relief, "Thank goodness, no more sailors." He prepared to climb downwards, back to where his friends were hidden when he noticed how difficult it was to hold on, as if he were being weighed down by something. He looked down to see that some of the sailors had fallen with him, and were gripping his legs to stay out of the water. "Oh shmarfwiggles..."   
  
"Sarah, I'm coming for you."  
  
"Take this, and one of these. Ho-ho, ha-ha! Fear the power of my blade!" Jim exclaimed as the Bungle Sword whipped through the air.  
"Jim, you're not even fighting anything anymore. They're unconscious," Jessica grumbled.  
"I know, but this is just so much fun!" He spun around, slicing the blade through the wind when Sarah let out a goatish scream, crashed into Jim, and sent him flying into a wall. He proceeded to groan and fall back to the floor.  
"I think he's out cold," Florence said, as she gazed over him, gingerly tapped her foot into Jim's side.   
"Great, we've lost Sarah, Harry's still lost in his trance, and Jim's out cold. This can't get any worse," Jessica grieved.   
The two sat in a long moment's silence, when suddenly Harry burst through the wall followed by a large number of sailors. Harry gasped as he crawled forward. "They really don't build these boats like they used to."  
Jessica groaned and buried her face in the table.  
  
Sarah shivered in a corner of the engine room. She bleated softly to herself, as her eyes dashed from side to side.  
"Sarah!" a joy filled voice rung out from the darkness. "I'm so happy to see you again." Olaf stepped out into the light, carrying Jimbles over his shoulder.   
Letting out another goatish scream, Sarah dashed off as quickly as she could. Olaf stood his ground and swung the demonic fish into the frightened goat, sending her flying into a wall.  
"You're not getting away that easily," Olaf hissed. He slowly stepped over the poor goat and dragged her deeper into the engine room.  
  
"Come on guys, we have to get Sarah," Florence stated and Harry kicked the last remaining conscious sailor.  
Slowly, Jim sat up, shaking his head. "Where am I, mommy?"  
"But where could she have gone?" Jessica questioned, ignoring Jim.  
"I think I have an idea," Harry replied. "There's something on this ship, the planet told me so. To the engine room!" He began marching off.  
"Oh great, we're taking directions from the planet, that's always helpful. Hey Harry, did the planet tell you that the engine room is this way?" Jessica called, and motioned to a sign that pointed in the opposite direction.  
"Oh, I knew that." Harry quickly turned around and marched towards the engine room.  
"Hey, wait for me!" Jim exclaimed as the others got ahead of him.  
The group quickly came to the engine room and peeked into the dim light. There were several bodies of sailors laying on the ground. Slowly, they tiptoed in, careful not to make a single sound that might give them away to whatever foul creature was haunting the depths of darkness.  
"Sarah!" Jim shouted. "Sarah, are you in here?"  
Jessica slapped her hands over Jim's mouth. She growled at him in a hushed whisper, "Be quiet you idiot! You're going to give us away to whatever might be in here. So, shut up, got it?"  
Jim answered a muffled "Okay" and they all carefully crept further in, eyes looking everywhere for some sign of danger. Deeper and deeper they went until they saw a silhouette in the darkness. There were two other silhouettes at his feet, one was recognizably the unconscious goat Sarah, and the other stared at the group with cold, glowing, green eyes.  
"Well, you must be Sarah's friends. It's so wonderful to meet you," Olaf said, with a certain dark mockery to his voice. "I suppose you want your little goat back. Well, I'm saddened to say that Jimbles and I have really taken to her. She's _our_ friend now."  
Jim snapped, "Give her back you.. you... smelly fish guy!" Jim waved the Bungle Sword madly and lunged at Olaf, but the glowing eyes of Jimbles grew brighter, into a blinding emerald light that sent Jim to the floor, twitching. The light illuminated the three silhouettes, and Olaf grinned maniacally as he jumped on top of Jim and did a little dance on him, jabbing his feet into his chest, then hopped off.  
Florence and Harry were the next to attack Olaf, but they had about as much success as Jim. Jimbles' eyes once again shot out with blinding green light that sent Harry and Florence toppling over each other.  
Olaf now stared at Jessica, waiting for anything she might do. Jessica gazed back at him. Their eyes were locked, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Jessica reached down into her pocket and revealed some sort of casing. She slowly opened it and slipped on a pair of sunglasses. She smiled as she swung her foot into Olaf's head, just as Jimbles' eyes emitted a blinding green light. The light did nothing, but simply reflected from Jessica's sunglasses into Olaf's eyes. He shouted as he fell backwards. Jessica immediately jumped on him and began pummeling his face. As he lay on the ground, Jessica went over to Sarah and picked up the unconscious goat. "Come on, let's get going."  
Jimbles hissed, as her eyes glowed bright green again, but had no effect on Jessica. The purple-black fish flopped over to Olaf and slapped him with her tail. Olaf's eyes immediately shot open, and he got to his feet, and began limping backwards. "You've won this round!" He shouted, angrily. "But no matter what, I'm always going to come out on top!" He picked up Jimbles and tossed her over his shoulder. He pulled a small orb from his pocket and threw it at the wall behind him. The wall was blown open, and then smoke began pouring around Olaf, to conceal his escape. He began coughing madly, and the sound of yelling, followed by a splash came from beyond the smoke.  
"Looks like his grand get-away didn't quite work," Jessica chuckled to herself as she gave Jim a quick kick to wake him up. She did the same for Florence and Harry and then waved them after her. "Come on, let's get out of here, the floor is starting to get wet."  
  
Doofus' personal sea liner slowly sailed into port, half sunk from the two large holes that magically appeared in the sides of the boat. Doofus shouted random curses as he walked along the dock of Costa del Sol. "How could you imbeciles let this happen? I should have you all executed for this! Do you know how much a sea liner costs? One simple boat ride, and not only do you let Olaf and those damn kids get away, but you let my personal sea liner sink half way into the ocean while you're at it! Oh goodness, I'm having an asthma attack! Where's my inhaler. Someone get my inhal-ahhhh!" Doofus tripped off the dock, and splashed into the ocean waters below. 


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen: Mishaps and Mayhem  
  
"Wow, this place is beautiful!" Florence exclaimed, as she gazed at the sights of Costa del Sol all around them. "Or at least it would be if the average weather here wasn't flooding... Or if the biggest highlight of the town wasn't the Museum of Cheese and Rotten Ham... Or if the beach wasn't covered in trash and rejects from the museum."  
"Okay, so perhaps I should have figured out where Doofus was going before we just jumped on a boat over here. Still, I was right wasn't I? We were lead to Olaf, weren't we?" Harry reasoned as the group was getting soaked by rain.  
"Yeah, and we defeated him!" Jim exclaimed, jumping into the air, and crashing into a puddle that sent mud all over Sarah.  
"Oh no, he's still out there. We only stalled him. He's preparing for his next big move, and we have a long way to go until he's defeated. So, while he's gathering his power so he can crush us like ants, we're going to Bronze Bowl!" Harry giggled with glee.  
"Uh, Harry... They closed that place down five years ago," Jessica informed.  
"No they didn't. Ah Jess, you're just so crazy. So, who wants to go to the Museum of Cheese and Rotten Ham before it closes?" Harry didn't wait for a response and dashed off through the rain and the puddles towards the museum.  
"Oh great, here we go again," Jessica sighed, as Jim ran off to join him.   
"Can't we at least change out of these stupid sailor outfits?" Florence called out to Jim and Harry, who were quickly escaping. "Great, just great. They run off and leave us girls out in the rain. Do you want to just go some place dry and let them go off and have fun?"  
"Sure," Jessica replied. "Maybe with some luck, they won't come back." The two chuckled and, followed by Sarah, went off to a nearby café.  
  
"Wow! It's the oldest slice of herrgardsost in the world!" Jim exclaimed, pressing his face up to a piece of glass. Behind it was a slice of yellow cheese, at least, it might have been yellow. It was difficult to tell beneath the many layers of mold.  
"Hey Jim, look! It's the legendary schabzieger!" Harry waved Jim towards him. "I heard that this cheese was only made in Mideel."  
"Wasn't that place destroyed years ago?"  
Harry nodded. "This must be the last cone left. It really makes you think, doesn't it Jim? Jim?" He glanced up to find Jim gone. "Oh boy, where did he run off to now?"  
Jim looked up at a large sculpture made entirely out of blue cheese, yet it was the image of a large piece of swiss cheese.   
A familiar voice spoke behind Jim, "I made that myself. It really is one of my better pieces. It symbolizes the diversity and oppression of cheese."  
Jim pondered the voice for a moment. It seemed so familiar. Where had he heard it before? He looked down to read the name of the sculptor. "Mukki," he muttered softly. "Now where have I heard that name before." He slowly turned around to face the creator of the swiss cheese.  
Mukki smiled at Jim. "Well hello there! Remember me, I'm Mukki!"  
"Ahhhhh!" Jim screamed and ran from the room as quickly as he could. On his way out he tripped, slammed his head through a portrait of a mouse dancing in some gouda, and then scrambled to find Harry; the ruined portrait hanging from his neck.  
"Why does everyone do that?" Mukki sighed, and turned back to admire his work.  
Harry was bent over, looking beneath a stool for Jim when the goat farmer, still filled with sudden panic, slammed into Harry. The two went flying and crashed through a glass window into the world famous "Hamvarti Exhibit". Behind the glass was the world's only hamvarti cheese bricks. They were made by fusing ham genes into havarti cheese. The exhibit was in ruin, to say the least. Most of the hamvarti was squished into pancake-like shapes, and some was covered in mud from Jim and Harry's shoes. There was only a single brick in the small exhibit that seemed to be left untouched.  
"Mmm... Smells wonderful!" Jim commented as he looked at mess around him. Then he spotted the one unruined piece of cheese, grabbed it and started chewing on it. "Wow, this is great! Harry, try some of this cheese. It's the best stuff I've ever had!"  
By this point, museum security was glaring at the two cheese covered heroes, and grabbed them to pull them out of the exhibit. The manager had just arrived on the scene, and saw the wretched mess. He watched as Jim ate the hamvarti in utter horror and despair. "No!" he shrieked. "You imbeciles, you-you buffoons! You've destroyed our most priceless exhibit!" That was all the manager could croak out. He tried yelling something else, but it was nothing but a string of curses, insults, sobs, and squeals. The poor manager finally fell to his knees and, between howls and blubbering, commanded the two to leave.  
Security dealt with the pair quickly, tossing them out into the muddy, rain-soaked street without delay. Harry looked up at Jim, mud sliding down his face. "You really are an idiot," he sighed.  
  
"Ah, this is wonderful," Florence sighed happily, as she took a sip of some cocoa. She, Jessica and Sarah were at a little table by the window, looking out at the rain. Jessica and Florence each had a mug of cocoa, and Sarah was cheerfully chewing on some 'Betsy-Brand Goaty Yums'.   
"Why are we doing this?" Jessica inquired.  
"Doing what?"  
"Following Harry and Jim around, trying to save the planet. It doesn't make any sense. I mean, they're just a couple of idiots. They have no clue as to what it is they're doing. The only reason I can think of, is that if we weren't around, they'd probably end up in a dumpster somewhere."  
The corners of Florence's mouth creased upwards into a smirk. "Maybe the planet is compelling us to do this. It's like it's our destiny. We have been chosen to follow Jim to the ends of the earth, to save the planet."  
"Oh please, Florence! I can't believe you can buy anything that Harry says! I mean, that drunken weirdo without any pants over there is more sensible than Harry Smith."  
Florence took another sip from her mug, and was about to speak when the door opened. Jim and Harry sauntered in, covered from head to toe in water, cheese, and mud.  
"We got kicked out of the museum," Jim reported sadly. "I don't know what happened. I was just eating some cheese, then the manager started screaming. He said something like, 'It was priceless! Priceless! We're ruined!' That's all I could really make out through all the swearing and the crying. So, we're here."  
Jessica calmly put down her mug and proceeded to plant her face into the table. "Just take me now..." she mumbled.  
  
"Well, it was fun CdS, and its Museum of Cheese and Rotten Ham. Perhaps we shall return here one day. Until then... farewell!" Harry waved goodbye to the town and the group began their trek onward.  
"I don't know about you guys, but I haven't slept so well in ages," Jim said cheerfully. "And doesn't it feel good to get out of those sailor suits?" "I just wish I slept last night. Unfortunately, _someone_ was too cheap to get a second room for the ladies, so Jim's snoring kept me up all night," Jessica growled, sleepily.  
"Hey, I'm sorry! We could only afford the one room. I spent the extra money on summer passes for the Museum of Cheese and Rotten Ham for Jim and me. They're supposed to be getting a nice Edam exhibit in July," Harry defended.  
"Come on guys, let's not argue. Let's just enjoy the journey. Right Sarah?" Florence said, trying to remain optimistic. Sarah replied with a goatish grumble. "I don't think she likes wearing your sailor hat, Jim."  
"Oh, but it looks so cute on her!" Jim exclaimed. Sarah proceeded to take the hat in her mouth, chew it and spit it into Jim's face.  
"Yes indeed! Five close companions, on with the journey of a life time!" Florence smiled and marched forward, towards the mountainous hills, and Bronze Bowl beyond.   
  
"Hello? Is anyone out there?" A lone boat sat out on the water, beneath the white light of a full moon. "I'm stuck at sea..." Muffie sighed, as she tried to paddle her stolen boat with a spoon. "And I'm still a long way from Wutai... And I need more spoons."  
There came a stirring from the water. Muffie looked close in the light. "Hello?" The water rippled and a fish leaped from the depths, and a figure was riding on its back. They landed in the boat.   
The figure smiled, and spoke softly, "Good evening." 


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen: Bronze Bowl  
  
"Wow, that didn't take long to get here," Florence commented as the group halted in front of a large, bronze structure. It looked like a large bowl, with several other bowls attached to it. There was some odd object sticking out of the centre bowl, but it was too high up to make out just what it was.  
"Welcome to Bronze Bowl!" a squeaky feminine-like voice exclaimed. The group turned to find someone in fancy, sequin lined blue cloth, with a long, silky piece covering the lower part of the face. The person sat before a small table with a lovely satin cloth, and a cloudy, crystal ball was sitting in the centre of it. "My name is Madame Kevinda Devereux. Allow me to tell your future!"  
"Ooh! Fortune telling!" Jim jumped up and down, and ran to the fortune teller. The others followed closely behind, also a little bit curious.  
"Maybe she can shed some light on what we're supposed to be doing," Jessica muttered.  
"Are you sure she's a she?" Florence asked quietly, as the got closer. "She kind of looks like a man."  
"Oh, you guys are just seeing things. Holy smokes, it _is_ a man!" Harry exclaimed.   
"I am not a man!" Kevinda snapped. "Now, everyone be quiet as I look into the crystal orb to see your futures!"  
"Isn't it called a crystal ball?" Jim inquired, silently.  
"No! It's a crystal orb! The term 'crystal ball' has been trademarked by the Guild of Fortune Tellers and Gypsies, so I can't call it that."  
"But... Shouldn't you be a part of that guild? I thought fortune telling was illegal in this state unless you were part of the Guild of For-" Harry began.  
"Shut up! Shut up! I am seeing something!" shouted Madame Kevinda, angrily. "Yes... I see.. I see pain... And.... Suffering... I see the ocean, a boat... A large fish... And... Spoons? I think I need a new crystal orb."  
"I think we should get out of here, Jim," Jessica stated, tugging at Jim's forest green shirt.  
"But I want to have my fortune read! Oh fine," he sighed. Jim turned and began to walk back towards Bronze Bowl.  
"No! No wait! I'm seeing something else!" Kevinda exclaimed, waving her hands over the crystal ball. "I see a rag tag band of people, all travelling together with one cause, one purpose.. Drawn together with a common friendship.. But... One of them will.. Take a train? Oh, this stupid thing!" She grumbled.   
"Okay then, we'll be on our way. It was nice meeting you." Jessica smiled politely at Kevinda, as she started shoving Jim towards Bronze Bowl.  
"Wait a second! Y'know, I have to go get a new crystal orb, and you seem like a bunch of nice folks so.. I'm coming with you guys!"  
"Woa woa woa! We don't need any more people on th-"  
Harry cut Jessica off, "Great! We'd be delighted to have you on our journey. We're trying to save the planet!"  
"Yeah!" Jim piped in. "And I'm the Chosen One. Pretty cool, huh?"  
"Oh sweet Lord..." Jessica planted her face in her hand. "I suppose we have our group then. We have the 'Chosen One' who can't keep his hair in working order, our guide who has no clue why he's taking us to where we're supposed to be going, a chocobo saleswoman, the sensible one, and a transvestite. This is just perfect!"  
"Hey, I'm all woman!" Madame Kevinda countered, gruffly.  
"Sure she is, and I can talk to the planet," Harry whispered sarcastically to Florence.  
"But, uh, Harry," she whispered in reply. "You keep saying that you _can_ talk to the planet, remember?"  
"Oh yeah!"  
  
Jim, Sarah, Florence, Jessica, Harry, and the newest addition, Kevinda, travelled through the rusted wreckage of Bronze Bowl. Long have the ticket booths been empty, and long has it been since the smiling faces of people graced the passageways of the old amusement park.   
"Where is everybody? What happened to the rides?" Harry questioned, as he looked around, astonished.  
"I told you before Harry, this place shut down five years ago," Jessica sighed.  
Florence walked around, wandering away from the group to explore the rusted ruins.  
"Hey Sarah, want to go ride on roller coaster!" Jim exclaimed, seeing a large roller coaster cart and set of tracks not far away. He instantly ran off towards it, Sarah just bleated and sat down.  
"Jim, do you really think that's a smart idea? Jim? Oh great, now he's going to get himself decapitated." Jessica ran off after Jim.  
"This place certainly looks like fun," Kevinda said with a smile, and skipped off after Jessica and Jim.  
"Well Sarah," Harry said with a sigh, "it looks like it's just you and me. We never get to talk that much. How's life with Jim?" Sarah stared at Harry blankly, then walked off. "Oh well. I was really hoping that this place was still open. There are just so many fond memories that I have of Bronze Bowl." He was talking to himself, with a lack of anyone else nearby. "I always used to come here and play, and the-"  
A loud, ear piercing scream interrupted Harry's monologue. Florence came running back, and the others rushed up to meet her.  
"What's wrong?" Jim asked, worriedly.  
"That guy are sick!" Florence shouted in response.  
"What?" Jessica looked confused.  
"I mean, there's someone down there. He had some kind of warped pink bunny. He was just standing there, staring at me!"  
"I think if there was anyone else here, I would have sensed it with my psychic powers. Are you sure you didn't imagine it?" Kevinda inquired.  
"No offence, Madame, but I think we all kind of doubt these great 'psychic powers' you claim to have. I know what I saw."  
"A bunny?" Harry questioned, curiously. "Come on, let's go investigate." He began to walk down the hallway where Florence had so quickly escaped from.  
Harry walked with quick, even strides, as the rest of the group moved cautiously behind. They came to a crossroad, of five different paths. Each lead to various attractions, such as Chocobo Alley, and Weasel-Bops Extravaganza.  
"It was right here," Florence informed as she looked around.   
"Hello," said a raspy voice in the darkness. "Welcome to my home."  
"Who are you?" Jim questioned the darkness.  
"I am... Duffy!" the voice exclaimed cheerfully, as a man moved out into the light. He was quite dirty, with patchy clothes, and a scruffy beard. His left arm, however, was quite odd. It was a neon green rectangular prism. At the end of the "arm" was a large, cartoonish, pink rabbit's head. "I've been living here since Bronze Bowl closed down. I'm sorry if I scared you before, miss. It's just that I don't get many visitors here, especially ones as lovely as yourself."  
Florence blushed. "Why thank you."  
"Another mystery solved, thanks to Jimlock Holmes!" Jim exclaimed. "Now let's go ride that roller coaster."  
"I'm sensing..." Kevinda began. Her eyes were closed, and had been the entire walk to the crossroad. "There's someone here! Right in front of our path!" She opened her eyes and saw Duffy. "Oh... Well... I guess you all already knew that. I uh... I think I'll go ride that roller coaster with Jim."  
"You do that," Jessica said with a sigh.   
Harry looked at Duffy closely. "Is it really you? Don't you recognize me Duffy? It's me, Harry!"  
"Harry? Harry Bartholemew Smith... You have some nerve to show up here," Duffy responded with a scowl. His expression changed from a scowl to a grinning face filled with joy. "It's great to see you buddy! Oh, it's been a long time, hasn't it, pal?" He wrapped his one real arm over Harry's shoulder and hugged the big chocolate marshmallow.   
"What are you doing all the way out here, Duffy?"  
"It was the call of the planet, Harry. It told me to come here... That was five years ago, just before Bronze Bowl shut down. I've been here ever since, waiting for the planet to tell me more."  
"Really? The planet came to me in a dream, and told me that I should come here too... I think. Perhaps it was just the nostalgia; it's hard to tell, really. Hey, maybe there's something special about this place. Maybe it's a key to saving the planet! With the two of us together, we can restore it and save the planet from any evil!"  
Duffy raised his bunny arm high. "Yeah! Let's do it Harry! Duffy and Harry: the ultimate companions! We are together again to save the planet!"  
  
"This is great!" Kevinda exclaimed as she and Jim were sent in circles on the old, rusted roller coaster. "In all my days, I've never been on a roller coaster."  
"To think, everyone is missing out on all the fun!" Jim exclaimed. His cheerful exclamation soon changed to a shout of terror as the roller coaster came to an end.   
The rest of the coaster track had collapsed a few years ago. The two were about to be launched through the air, and launched they were. The roller coaster flew across Bronze Bowl, through several weakened walls, and crashed into Chocobo Alley, exploding in a ball of flame.  
Bronze Bowl shook furiously, and the entire structure was beginning to collapse.  
"Let's get out of here!" Jessica shouted, filled with sudden panic.  
"Hurry up Harry! We have to get out of here!" Florence called back to Harry and Duffy over the loud rumbling. Pieces of old signs and the ceiling were already starting to cave in.  
"We have to stop this! Bronze Bowl is our last hope of saving the planet! We can't let it collapse!" Duffy cried out, urgently.  
Harry looked back at Florence, then at Duffy. He yelled out, "Go on without me!" to the young chocobo saleswoman, then looked back at his friend. "Let's do it!"  
Kevinda soon appeared, dragging Jim behind her. Both of their faces were covered in ash. "Don't go back there! It's too late!" she coughed out. "Let's get out of here while we still can."  
"No! We have to save Bronze Bowl," Duffy replied, filled with determination and still keeping a cheerful tone in his voice. He and Harry rushed into Chocobo Alley.  
Looking up, Harry saw an odd cone shaped piece of metal high above the flaming Alley. "What's that?"  
"It's a rocket. It crashed here five years ago. It's because of that rocket that the whole place started to shut down."  
The two looked around. "What can we do to save this place?" Harry asked frantically. Time was running out, and the fire was getting worse.  
Duffy thought for a moment. "Wait, I know! All we have to do is go up to-" he was cut short by a sudden shake of the Bowl. Duffy was knocked back against a wall, and it suddenly began to collapse. On the other side was The Amazing Spikinator Maze. He screamed, and was impaled by one of the deadly spiked. The entire maze then collapsed.   
"Duffy! Duffy!" Harry screamed as he ran to the hole that was once The Amazing Spinkinator Maze. "No!" He pounded his fist on the metal floor. Harry looked up, tears streaming down his face. Fire was surrounding him; there was no hope left. Then, he heard something. The bleat of a goat. "Sarah!" He began coughing, he was growing weaker.  
Sarah leapt through the flame and took Harry by the collar. Looking up at the goat, Harry smiled warmly as he was pulled away to safety. When they were away from the fire, he realized he was no longer being dragged. He looked to see Sarah chewing on his shirt.  
"Hey! Stupid goat!" He shouted as he pulled himself away from the hungry creature. He looked around. "This place is going to fall any second. Come on Sarah, let's get out of here." He picked up the goat and ran as fast as his legs would take him. Great steel beams were falling behind him. Then they came to a large hole in the wall. "We have no choice," Harry said slowly, as he looked down. He closed his eyes and jumped as far as he could. Behind him, Bronze Bowl was collapsing. He looked up at the sky, and thought he saw Duffy's warm face in the clouds, smiling down at him from heaven. "I'm coming Duffy. I'll be with you soon." Then, there was only darkness. 


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen: The Valley of the Fallen Fish  
  
"Harry? He's awake everyone!" said the voice of Florence as Harry opened his eyes to a blurry world.  
"Wow, you really had us worried, Harry," came Jim's cheerful voice.  
"W-where am I? What happened?" Harry questioned weakly. He looked around. He was in an unfamiliar place. He was in a large, plain-looking, candlelit room with several beds.   
"You were unconscious for quite a while. We found you and Sarah just beyond the debris of Bronze Bowl. Sarah seemed all right, but we figured you were a goner. I even tried mouth-to-mouth!" Kevinda explained.  
Harry shuddered as he looked to the fortune teller. "So then where did you guys take me?"  
"To Cosmo Canyon! They fixed you right up. They almost didn't let us in, but once they saw Sarah, there was no problem," Jim replied.  
"Why Sarah? Where is she now?"  
"They didn't tell us," Jessica spoke up. She way laying on a bed in the corner of the room. "But that one guy, Booganhervy, sure seemed excited to see her. They're off at the processing plant. They've been there ever since we arrived."  
"Yeah, being here in the fishing town of Cosmo Canyon brings back memories," Florence sighed, her voice filled with nostalgia. "Such wonderful times, they were."  
"Really? Like what?" Kevinda inquired.  
"Oh, it was great. My Mom took me here once when I was little, and we went fishing off the docks. I even caught a fish! Then it bit me, and it went back into the water. Wait... That was an awful memory. Perhaps that explains why I hate sea food."  
"Well, I'm going to go check up on Sarah. Does anyone want to come with me?" asked Jim.  
"You can count me out," Jessica replied. "That guy gives me the creeps. He's always laughing weirdly, he doesn't call any of us by our real names and does anyone else find it strange that he floats around?" The others proceeded to shake their heads 'no'.  
"I'll come with you Jim!" Kevinda exclaimed. "See you all later." She ran up to Jim, taking him by the arm, and the two left the inn.  
Kevinda and Jim walked along through Cosmo Canyon. All of the buildings were built right into the canyon itself, creating numerous hidden passageways that could be explored for ages. Then, there were the docks that stretched out a long way into the water. All of the tiny fishing boats rested there, wading softly in the waves that reflected the shimmering orange of the setting sun.   
There was only one building that wasn't part of the great stone canyon, and that was the processing plant. It was in that plant that most of the town's fish were taken to be turned into fish sticks and then distributed around the world. The plant was a large, towering structure, that seemed to be trying to reach up to the moon.   
"So, tell me about yourself Kevinda," Jim said, trying to make idle conversation.   
"Me, er... Well, uh... Why don't you tell me about yourself instead," she suggested with a nervous smile.  
"Well, it all starts many a year ago... My Mom had been in labour for about twenty-eight hours or so, when I finally decided to just pop on out!"  
"I think that's enough Jim..."  
"It was about that time that Doctor, we call the town doctor 'Doctor', took me in his arms and said, 'Mr. and Mrs. McFeatherburry, you have a fine son. Let me just say- oops!' then he dropped me on my head."  
"Okay Jim, I don't need to hear anything else."  
"Then came the big day when I was finally brought home from the hospital. I stayed at that hospital for a long time. You know, I still have the dent in my skull, want to feel it?"  
"Jim! Hey look, there's Booganhervy and Sarah!"  
Sarah cheerfully ran up to Jim. An elderly man in vibrant, purple robes and a long, grey beard, floated up to the group from behind. "Shmoo shmoo shmoooooo!" came the old man's cheerful laugh. "Jobe, Potato-Face, it's good to see you again."  
"I really wish he would stop calling me 'Potato-Face'," Kevinda whispered angrily.  
"I was just having a lovely conversation with Sarah here. You know, she was born here in Cosmo Canyon. It's a shame we had to sell her. At least she's back home now. Shmoo shmoo shmooooo!"  
"Well good. Now, we should probably get going. There's a world to save and stuff. Thanks for everything Booganhervy," said Jim with a smile.  
"Wait a moment," Booganhervy's tone became serious. "There is something that you all must do. Come with me, quickly. I must show you this before you leave."  
The three didn't say anything, but simply followed the floating old man. They went into one of the buildings that had been carved into the rock. The four stood before a great steel door. Booganhervy explained, in between fits of his odd laughter, that the door was sealed long ago. He proceeded to float over to a dirty old mat in front of the door. The mat read 'Go Away'. He reached beneath it, and revealed a key, which he used to open the great door. Behind it was darkness, and a stale odour that wafted slowly to their noses.   
"What's in there?" inquired Jim quizzically.  
"You'll find out soon enough, Jobe," was Booganhervy's response.  
The four went into the strange cave and proceeded to descend into the darkness. They moved cautiously along, every so often encountering large rodent-like creatures that they would have to fend off. Finally, they reached what appeared to be a dead end.  
"Here we are," spoke Booganhervy, softly. They stood before a large statue of a terrible, demonic, face. The face seemed to shudder, and its jaw began to move. From deep within the mouth, a dark shadow leapt forward.  
Kevinda screamed, "Rat! It's a rat! I hate rats!"  
"You didn't seem to mind those rat things we fought along the way," Jim commented as he took a hold of his sword.  
"Yeah, but they weren't this big!"  
Before the group was a rat that was twice as tall as Jim. The rat's clawed toes scratched at the rock. Its hairless tail whipped around viciously and its black, messy fur covered everything else from backside to head. Its ears twitched with devilish glee as it gazed at the company with blood lust in its dark eyes. The rat grinned wickedly as it opened its vile mouth, releasing a horrible, toxic odour. Its teeth were sharp and yellow, longing for fresh meat. Its nose twitched as it smelled Sarah.  
Jim looked at the rat with contemplative eyes. He saw that it was preparing to pounce on his poor goat. "I don't think so," he said with determination. "Come on Kevinda, let's take this thing out."  
"All right, together, on the count of three. One... Two... Three!"  
"Alalaorfaleed!" Jim's scream echoed throughout the cavern, and the rat-beast was startled. Jim leapt onto the creature, attacking madly with the Bungle Sword.  
"That's it Jim! Take it out! Don't let that rat stop you!" Kevinda rooted, still standing in her original position. Sarah glared at her. "What?" She looked down at the goat. "Don't give me that look. You really don't expect me to fight that _disgusting_ rat, do you?"  
Sarah bleated and stepped behind Kevinda. She then charged into her, and launched the poor fortune teller into the rat. Sarah then ran in to lend aid to Jim.  
"I'm touching it!" Kevinda screeched in fright as she rode on the beast's neck. In panic, she drew her crystal orb from her robes and began to beat the monstrous rat over the head repeatedly with it.  
"You never should have decided to pick a fight with Jim McFeatherburry!" Jim shouted at the rat with pride as he dealt the finishing blow.  
The three were exhausted as they approached Booganhervy. Jim spoke up, as he wiped sweat from his brow, "So, is what you wanted to show us beyond this statue?"  
Booganhervy laughed, "Shmoo shmoo shmoooooo! Goodness no! I just wanted to get you three to get rid of that rat. Do you know how much it would have cost us to get an exterminator to rid us of that thing? Shmoo shmoo shmoooooo!" He turned around and began the trek back out of the cave.  
Kevinda grew angry. "I sense extreme pain in his future!" she exclaimed as she lifted her crystal orb and prepared to throttle the old man.  
"No, calm down Kevinda!" Jim struggled to hold her back. "Let's just wait until we get back to the others and- No!"  
The fortune teller broke free of Jim's grip and soon caught up with Booganhervy. She beat the old man with the crystal orb until Jim came and pulled her away.  
Booganhervy gasped weakly, "Sarah, come here." The goat slowly trotted towards the old man. "Take this, old girl. May it help you in your fight against evil. Shmoo.... shmoo... shmoooooo...." He held an item out to Sarah, then disappeared.  
"What is it?" Kevinda asked, looked over Sarah's shoulder, now quite peaceful and calm.  
Jim picked up a red headband. "It looks like it used to be an old head dress, but it was picked clean."  
"Let me see." Jim handed it over to Kevinda and she carefully examined it. "It says, 'Limited Spoon' on the side here."  
"Well, that explains it," said Jim. "It looks like Muffie has visited Cosmo Canyon before."  
  
"So, what's our next destination?" Florence inquired as the crew began walking out of the strange fishing town.  
"Well, I think we'll wander around those big grassy plains over there for a while, until we find something of interest," Harry replied.  
"There's nothing left on this continent that we haven't already seen, is there?" Jessica questioned.  
"Well, not as such, but I'm sure something will turn up somewhere."  
"Maybe we'll find some hair gel plants!" Jim exclaimed optimistically.  
"I'm sure we will," Jessica responded, her voice filled with sarcasm.  
  
The six wandered along through the Cosmo Canyon area for some time. Finally, they came to the great grassy plains, which weren't particularly great, considering they stretched out long enough for a five minute walk. Not to mention the fact that the grass was dying a slow and painful death. Still, it was grassy nonetheless.  
"It's getting late, maybe we should set up camp," suggested Kevinda.  
"Sounds good to me. I'm starving," agreed Jim. He began to unpack their supplies.  
"Hey, what's that over there?" Florence asked as she looked out across the plain.  
"It almost looks like a town," commented Harry, squinting his eyes. He saw what appeared to be the shadowed outline of a group of buildings on the horizon.  
"Well, let's go take a look!" Kevinda exclaimed, full of new energy and curiousity.  
"B-but... I'm hungry!" Jim moaned as the others began walking toward the buildings. "Hey, come on guys. It's food! We can go over there in the morning. Eating is good for Jim! Oh fine!" He grumpily began repacking the supplies then hurried to catch up with the others. 


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen: Sending a Dream Into an Amusement Park  
  
As it turned out, the buildings weren't all that far away. It just seemed like a long walk since they were so small on the horizon. They appeared so small, because they weren't technically "buildings", but more like "boxes". Yes, an entire box community had been formed in the great grassy plains. Everything from refrigerator boxes, to old spray cheese boxes could be found. There were people walking amongst the boxes, returning home for the evening, doing their usual business, as if they didn't live in boxes at all. The group questioned the man at the first box on the block to try and discover why such a box town existed.  
"Well, y'see," began the gentleman, "back in the old days, this used to be the construction and launch site for the ol' Gengai No. 27. It was going to be the first ship to fly into outer space. When the ship was launched, the entire town was blown down. Those of us who remain here now were too lazy to move to another town, or to rebuild our houses, so we took to living in boxes. Thus, we've made Box Town! If you want to learn more, you should talk to the Cap'n."  
"Where can we find him?" Florence asked.  
"Well, I'd guess in his box over there. His is the big one down the block. That's a very interesting box actually. It's what stored all of the rocket parts for the the ol' Gengai No. 27. It brings back so many memories. Like this one time, when I-"  
"Okay, great! Thanks a lot!" Jim exclaimed and he began marching off towards the box at the other end of the town. He then entered the box as soon as they arrived.  
"Shouldn't we knock on the door first?" Kevinda inquired from the back of the group.  
"There is no door," Jim responded. "Hello? Anyone home?" he called into the dimly lit box.  
"What the spoony heck? What's with all of these spoony marmosets always walking into my spoony box! I tell ya, the spoony kids these days should get what they spoony well deserve! Marmoset chewing spud-wads... Well hello there! Welcome to my humble abode!" the voice began deep inside of the box, and then revealed itself to the group. The voice was gruff, and worn, and it belonged to a short man with greying hair. He wore an old orange and blue pilot's outfit, and had a pair of googly eyed glasses that rested on his forehead.  
"Hi! I'm Harry. This is Jim, Florence, Sarah, Kevinda and Jessica. We're a band of curious do-gooders out to save the world and discover the secrets of Box Town," Harry said, pointing to each person in turn during his introduction.  
"Hey, why am I last to be introduced?" Jessica questioned, grumpily.  
"Well, it's smootin' good to meet ya! Welcome to my spoony house, ya bunch o' marmosets! My name's Chazar Bluntson but you can all call me Chazzy! Can I interest you in some tea? Mera! Get the spoony tea! We have some guests! Get your smootin' marmoset to it!" was the pilot's response.  
"Tea would be great!" Jim exclaimed with glee.  
"Don't you find this guy a little strange, Jim?" Jessica whispered softly.  
"Not at all, why do you ask?"  
Jessica let out a sigh, "I suppose you're the wrong person to ask..."  
"Can I interest anyone in a smoke?" Chazzy produced a pack of cigarettes and held it out to his guests.  
"Uh, those are just a bunch of twigs," commented Florence.  
"So they are." Chazzy proceeded to stick one of the twigs into his mouth and light it, nevertheless. "Mera! Get your smootin' marmoset in here already! That spoony marmoset never gets here on time."  
"Uh, excuse me, is she actually a marmoset, or do you just like to say that a lot?" asked Jessica.  
"What are you, some kind of marmoset? What the spoony heck do you think she is? Spoony kids these days, and their smootin' marmosets."  
A young woman, Mera, entered the box. She had her brown hair done up in a bun, large, circular glasses resting carefully on her nose, and a long, white lab coat. "I'm sorry, I was out back working on the Pygmy Whale." She then proceeded to walk over to the sink to get a kettle of water to put on the boil for their tea.  
Jessica watched Mera for a long moment. She couldn't help but comment, "Um... Let me get this straight... So you guys were too lazy to rebuild your houses, right? Yet, you don't seem to be lazy enough to put indoor plumbing into your boxes."  
"Well of course, you spoony marmoset! Let's see _you_ smootin' try to live without spoony indoor plumbing, and we'll see how you spoony well do!" countered Chazzy, the googly eyes on his glasses bouncing about furiously. "Spoony kids these days. I'm going out back to work on the Pygmy Whale. You better bring me my smootin' tea!" At that, Chazzy walked out of the box, and grumbled as he went out back.  
"So what's his problem, anyway?" Florence inquired. "He seems a little... Weird..."  
"That's just his way. He's been like that ever since the launch of Gengai No. 27..." Mera responded.  
"What happened?" Jim asked after a moment of silence.  
"Well..."  
  
"We're all set!" a pudgy man in a space suit exclaimed. "Send our dreams into space, Cap'n!"  
"Leave it to me!" Chazzy replied, excitedly. He was standing in front of three men, all dressed in silver space suits. Chazzy, on the other hand, was wearing the same orange and blue pilot's outfit. They were in a cramped, metal room, filled with various control mechanisms. He left the room through a sliding door that lead to the cockpit.  
"Prepare for lift-off!" he called over the intercom as he strapped himself into his chair and began to fiddle with the buttons. "One minute and counting."  
"Cap'n! Something's wrong!" one of the crewman shouted at Chazar via the intercom. "It's Mera! She's down in the engine section!"  
"Sweet gooblin spoonies! What the spoony heck is that smooting marmoset doing down there? Mera! Mera! You have to get out of there! The heat's going to melt you faster than cheese in a microwave!"  
"Don't worry, Cap'n. I'm just running a few last checks. Don't worry about stopping the launch," came Mera's calm voice in response.  
"What? 'Don't worry'?! You bet your spoony marmoset I'm worried! You're not gonna die. I won't let you die! You've gotta get out of there you spoony fool! Of all the smootin', stupid, spoony things, Mera! Abort the spoony launch!" He began to pound on the controls, but it was too late. The countdown had completed during his shouting and the Gengai No. 27 was being launched into the heavens. "No! Mera!"   
Chazzy smashed his face into the control panel and suddenly the engines cut out. The large, green, rocket began to twirl out of control as it returned to earth. It crashed violently, right into the middle of Bronze Bowl.  
  
"As it turns out, the button he pressed was the emergency fuel cut-off. I managed to get out of the rocket while he was yelling at me. It was all for nothing. Gengai decided not to build another rocket, or to help pay for the repairs on Bronze Bowl. As a result, the space program and that amusement park were lost, and all of out dreams with it. It was my fault that Chazzy never got to go into outer space, so I've helped him ever since.   
"Now, all he ever does is yell random, inane gibberish about 'spoony' this and 'marmoset' that," Mera sighed. "He used to be so cheerful, and full of laughter. Actually, it was hard just to get him to stop laughing. Now, the only thing that brings him joy is the Pygmy Whale.  
"All of that might change, though. Some people from Gengai are coming today to talk about reinitiating the space program and rebuilding the town. We might get a Gengai No. 28 after all, and Chazzy's dreams will be sent into space, and not an amusement park."  
"What is this Pygmy Whale, anyway?" Kevinda inquired.  
"It's an airplane," Mera explained.  
"Hey! We can use it to get out of here before Gengai can catch us!" exclaimed Florence.  
"Then it's settled, we're going to kick some Gengai butt!" Jim shouted.  
"Jim, I think you've missed the point," Jessica said with a sigh.  
  
"So, what's the status on Olaf?" inquired Doofus, after taking a deep breath from his inhaler.  
"Our reports have been confirmed. He's heading for the forested temple," replied Murry.  
President Doofus looked confused. "The forested temple? You mean the so called 'Temple of the Ancients'? It's not even a temple. Why would he be going all this way to get to a little hut in the middle of a forest?"  
"We don't know."  
"Well then, once we get the Pygmy Whale in Box Town, I want you and the rest of the Clerks to go to the Temple of the Ancients. We'll have Olaf once and for all."  
"That's another thing I wanted to discuss. According to our most recent reports, Jim and company have recently arrived in Box Town."  
Doofus grinned as he adjusted his glasses. "Perfect. We shall crush two birds with one stone." He began to laugh wickedly, gripping his inhaler tightly as he did so. The inhaler broke, and he continued to cackle menacingly. He then entered a coughing fit. "My inhaler!" he screeched as he looked at the broken inhaler. "Murry! Get me another inhaler!" He gasped and coughed at the same time. He flung his arms about wildly, and leaned back in his chair in a fit. The chair proceeded to tip backwards and crash to the floor, the President of the Gengai corporation collapsing with it. He groaned in pain as he looked up at the Clerk. "Damn... chair..."  
  
As the group was finishing up their tea, they suddenly heard Chazzy's shouting from outside: "You want me to give up the Pygmy Whale? Spoony heck no! First, you spoony marmosets trash the space programs and my smootin' dreams, now you want to take away my plane? Well, you marmosets aren't laying one smootin' hand on it!"  
"Sounds like Gengai has finally arrived," Harry commented.  
"Then it's time for some serious butt-kicking!" Jim cried.  
"Either that, or we'll just run away before we get arrested, and thrown into that horrible prison again," Florence said, as she looked around nervously. "I like that idea much better."  
"We should help out Chazzy, in case those Gengai goons try to get violent," Harry said.  
The others nodded (though Florence was a little reluctant) and were quickly leaving the box. They stepped outside and saw Doofus, Jirdiegger, and Pinky talking with Chazzy. The old pilot seemed to be quite furious at the three.  
"Kya ha ha! You don't have much choice in the matter," Pinky informed.  
"Gya ha ha!" was the only thing that came out of Jirdiegger's mouth. He then roughly pushed Chazar out of the way.  
"They're going to take the Pygmy Whale! We can't let them do that!" Mera exclaimed, as she ran up to join the group.  
"Don't worry! We'll stop them!" cried Jim, heroically. The crew quickly ran to the back of the box where they found a blue plane with the words 'Pygmy Whale' written on it in yellow and white letters.   
"He's coming!" Florence exclaimed, as she looked back at Jirdiegger. He was now running towards them, trying to stop them.  
"Get in!" Harry cried, and leapt into the plane. The the others scrambled aboard. "How does this thing work?" He began pressing with random buttons and pulling the odd lever. Suddenly the plane burst into life. The Pygmy Whale began to fly towards Chazzy, Doofus, and Pinky.  
"Sweet gooblin spoonies!" shouted Chazar. "My plane!" He ran towards the blue plane and leapt into the air. He grabbed one of its wheels, and was now flying up with the others.  
"Stop them! Stop them!" screamed Doofus. His face was turning red with anger, and he broke into an asthma attack. He choked and fell to his knees, pointing at the plane as it flew off.  
Chazzy pulled himself up onto one of the wings and held on for dear life. "What do you marmosets think you're doing?"  
"We're saving your plane," was Jim's response.  
"You idiots, it's not finished yet!"  
"What?" Jessica exclaimed.  
Smoke started to billow out of the engine, and the plane began to dip down. "Hold on!" Chazar shouted and plane crashed violently into the sea.  
"I sense that we'll soon be surrounded by water," Kevinda predicted, then opened her eyes. "Hah! I told you so!"  
"Oh, just be quiet," Jessica sighed as she hid her face in his hands.  
Chazzy spoke up, "Well, we're gonna be in a smoot load of trouble with Gengai now. Y'know what... We've gotta work together and finish off that spoony Gengai scum! This thing might not be able to fly, but I'm sure it can get us through the shallow water of the ocean. Let's go kick some spoony marmoset butt!" 


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen: Friends and Enemies  
  
"We've been in this stupid, cramped plane for days now. We don't even know where we're going!" Jessica complained.  
The group of seven were all in the small plane, making it a very tight fit for all of them. Jessica was squeezed in the back seat, with Harry dozing next to her and Sarah resting uneasily on top of them both. Florence was relaxing on a wing as Jim was leaning over the edge of the other, looking into the crisp water below. Kevinda was stuck snugly next to Chazar who was busy piloting the craft.  
"Stop your complaining you spoony marmoset!" Chazzy shouted at the young woman, a lit twig sticking out of the corner of his mouth. "That Rufus Gengai told me that they needed the Pygmy Whale so that they could get to some Temple of the Ancients or something."  
"The Temple of the Ancients?" Harry inquired, perking up at its mentioning.  
"Oh sure, now you tell us this," Jessica sighed. She groaned as she tried to move herself into a more comfortable position, but the goat on her lap made it difficult to do so.  
"We're going to the forested temple? I know where that is!" Harry exclaimed excitedly. "It's that way!" He pointed across the sea. "Wait, no... No, it's over there." He proceeded to point in the opposite direction. "Or, maybe it was back that way. Just give me a minute, I know this one. I have some friends who live out there."  
"I think you should just keep going in this direction, Chazzy... There's something nearby..." Florence said softly.  
"Hey, I'm the one who's supposed to be making these predictions! Chazzy, keep on going this way, there is something nearby," Kevinda restated authoritatively.  
The pilot simply sighed and muttered something about smooting spoony marmosets under his breath. He kept the Pygmy Whale on the same course across the water.  
  
The sun was high in the sky, and the plane was slowly approaching a stray rock in the middle of the ocean. What was truly strange, was that the top of the rock seemed to be shaped like a person.  
"Now that's one strange lookin' marmoset of a rock up there," Chazzy said, squinting his eyes as he looked ahead.  
"Hey, it's moving!" Harry exclaimed, as he pointed at the rock ahead. Indeed, it was starting to move.  
"I told you it existed!" the rock exclaimed. "Welcome to Wutai, the land of the spoons! B-but... all of my spoons are gone now."  
"It's Muffie!" Jim cried out. "So, Wutai does exist..."  
"I sense someone nearby... Someone who you are all familiar with," Kevinda said, her hand hovering above her crystal orb.  
"I'm not familiar with this spoony marmoset. What are you doing out in the middle of smootin' no where?" Chazzy questioned the girl as they arrived at the rock.  
"They didn't believe me when I told them Wutai exists," Muffie explained, "so I came out here to show them. I also took their spoons, and I'm sorry for that. I don't have any spoons left." She looked downwards, sadly.   
"What happened to them?" Florence inquired.  
"This strange man with a fish jumped into my boat. He kicked me off and tossed all of my spoons into the sea. I wasn't able to save them all."   
"So Olaf is still alive," Harry muttered. "We must double our efforts to stop Olaf at all costs!"   
"Hey, Muffie," Jim began, "why don't you join us to help us stop Olaf? We can use all the help we can get."  
The young lady on the rock looked at Jim. "Really? All right, I'll help you guys out! I'll get that ugly weirdo back for making me lose all of my spoons!" She jumped into the Pygmy Whale and sat on Chazzy's shoulders. "Let's go!" She exclaimed as she pointed out to the sea.  
"You spoony smootin' little... Get your spoony marmoset off of my smootin' shoulders!" Chazar barked.  
  
They continued their quest across the sea until the group finally made it to dry land again. There only seemed to be one problem: they weren't where they were supposed to be.  
"Where are we?" Muffie asked, as she walked around the unfamiliar territory.  
"I think I know about this place," Florence commented as she hopped off of the Pygmy Whale.  
"Isn't this that place where all of those paleontologists went missing a long time ago?" Harry asked. Florence nodded in response.  
"You know..." Kevinda began in a dark tone as she lifted the crystal orb. She was sitting in the shadows of an old pine and she caressed the orb as it began to glow. Everyone turned to look at her. "They say that something haunted the scientists that worked here. One fateful night, as they slept, monsters entered their camp. They were not ordinary monsters, though. These monsters walked on two legs and had long, thin claws that could rip through steel. One by one, the paleontologists were snatched up and dragged away to their deaths... Or so they say..."  
"Woa," Harry responded with wide eyes, "that was an awesome ghost story! How about we stay the night here? It'll be great! We can roast some marshmallows and we can all tell cool ghost stories like that one."  
The others were in agreement, so they decided to set up camp. Upon completion, Jim had an idea.  
"Hey, who wants to go check out the old paleontologist dig site?" he inquired excitedly.  
"I will!" Florence and Harry exclaimed in unison.  
"You three make sure you don't get your spoony marmosets dragged off by some monster!" Chazzy called after then as they ran off into the woods.  
It wasn't long at all before they came upon the old dig site. Old, brown tents were scattered around, all of them collapsed and filled with tears. There were bones scattered around, some of them human, and a partially dug up prehistoric beast was laying in the dirt nearby. Far off, at the back of the campsite, there was one large, black tent that remained standing.   
Cautiously, the three approached and entered the tent. Inside, there were some tools sitting in disarray and a large laundry basket in the centre of the room. There was something inside the basket.  
"What is that?" Harry asked loudly, as he stepped towards the laundry basket.  
"Who th' hell're you?" a gruff, tired sounding voice exclaimed in an unfamiliar accent. "Whud'ja wake me up fer, enyways?!"  
"Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"  
"Ya didn' mean'ta? What kinda sorry excuse is that? Ah ought'ta blast yer head offa yer shoulders!" The huddled lump within the basket, which was twitching angrily, suddenly burst out for all to see. The lump turned out to be a man, standing around six feet tall. He wore brown, leather cowboy boots, blue jeans, a dusty black shirt, a brown cowboy hat and, strangest of all, a long black and red cape that could completely cover him. He had long black hair and piercing red eyes, but everyone's attention was focused on the shotgun that was aimed at Harry. "Now, ah'll give ya to thuh count o' three to get offa mah land! One... two... four... uh... nine..."  
"Woa, calm down!" Florence exclaimed, jumping between the shot gun and Harry.  
"Now ya better git outta mah way, missy, er yer gonna get hurt," the agitated, gun wielder warned.  
"I'm not moving. You aren't going to shoot me, or my friends, and if you think otherwise..." Florence held up a rubber chocobo threateningly. The man in the cowboy hat lowered the shotgun. "That's better. Now, why are you getting so angry?"  
"When thuh paleyuntolerjists disappear'd them damn Gengai varmints start'd expairimuntin' up hyar. I wuz one of 'em expairimunts.. When they gave up they lef' meh behind. Ever since then, ah've been livin' in this hyar laundrah bax-et, livin' mah nightmare. I doen' like it when varmints come 'roun' hyar disturbin' meh sleep."  
"It was an accident, we didn't know," Harry said defensively, a bit shaken up by the shotgun that had been aimed at his head.  
"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we help each other out?" Jim suggested.  
"Whud'ja mean, rascal?" The basket-dweller turned to Jim curiously.  
"Well, it doesn't sound like you like Gengai that much, and neither do we. We're trying to stop them from destroying the planet. You can help us out! Plus, we're on a grand adventure to stop Olaf!"  
"I dun' know who Olaf is, but ah'm wit' ya if it means I git mah venjunce on Gengai! Call meh Ziggy!"  
  
The three, and their new companion Ziggy, returned to camp where everyone was introduced to him. After the party of nine conversed around a roaring fire, they decided to get some sleep.  
Florence had been tossing and turning for some time now. Finally she sat up. "I'll do it," she said to herself adamantly. Quietly, without disturbing the others, she climbed out of her sleeping back and approached Jim. She looked down at the peaceful sleeping Jim whose mangled hair stuck around around his head like some horribly dented halo. "Jim... Jim... Wake up, Jim," she whispered softly, gently shaking him.   
"Huh? Florence? What are you still doing up?" he asked groggily as he squinted at the green clad woman in the star light.  
"I couldn't sleep. Come for a walk with me Jim."  
Jim reluctantly complied and he accompanied Florence on a walk along the shore. The two walked for some time in the faint light without saying much. At last, Florence broke the silence between the two.  
"You know Jim, I've always felt something special about you. Ever since I first met you, there has just been a certain something that has attracted me to you." Jim looked to the young lady, but remained silent, unsure of what to say. "I really want to get to know you, Jim. I want to know you better than all the others. When this is finally over, I want to be with you."  
"Florence, I..." Jim began.  
"Oh Jim, look!" Florence pointed out into the sky as streaks of light began to rain across the speckled blackness. It was a meteor shower. "Oh, it's so beautiful." She gazed out at the hundreds of tiny strings of light as they danced across the midnight sky. The two stood at the edge of the crisp sea water, looking out at nature's beauty.  
"Florence," began Jim again, "I'd like to be with you, too." The two turned to each other and their eyes locked. They smiled at each other and their arms intertwined together. Their eyes closed and slowly their lips grew closer together.  
"..."  
"Shut up," came a gravely whisper.  
Jim and Florence suddenly broke away from each other. "Who's there?" Florence questioned the darkness.  
"Damn it, Parrot! You blew our cover!" The familiar spikey haired figure stepped out of the bushes. Rusty had an angry look on his face as he brushed some leaves from his black suit. Parrot followed behind, carrying the stereo which he swiftly turned on.   
"You two can't do anything right," a very familiar voice said from farther away in the darkness. Though the voice was strangely familiar, there was something strange about it. "Just grab him and take him away before the others figure out where we are."  
The two Clerks advanced on Jim. Rusty revealed a long, sleek club and held it ready to strike while Parrot put the stereo down and prepared to fight with his fists.  
Jim's hand moved to the Bungle Sword and Florence quickly whipped out her rubber chocobos. Unfortunately, for the second time, the Clerks got the better of them. Parrot managed to send Florence crashing to the ground as Rusty got Jim in a headlock. The two in black suits wrestled Jim away into a small water craft and they escaped out to the sea.  
"Jim!" Florence cried, as she scrambled to catch up with the craft, but was too late.  
"Poor Florence. Don't worry, he won't be harmed." The voice was speaking again, and it was closer now.  
"Who are you?" Florence demanded as hot tears began to force their way down her cheeks.  
"Oh, you know me. At least, you thought you knew me." Kevinda stepped up to Florence. Though, her voice was now deeper, like that of a man's. Her make-up had not been applied either, making her appear even more masculine. Florence was shocked at what was now becoming more obvious to her. "I'm not really Madame Kevinda Devereux. My name is Kevin Devereux and I work for Gengai. Just remember this, Florence: if you ever tell anyone else about this, Jim will not survive. Things will go on as normally as they can, and no one will have to be hurt."  
"Fine," Florence agreed angrily, wiping the tears from her face. "Just tell me... Why Jim?"  
"He's the secret to unlocking the Temple of the Ancients. Now, let's get back to camp before someone else wakes up."  
When the two returned to the camp, it was too late. The others were already awake.  
"Whut in tarnation was goin' on over thar? All ah heard was some shoutin' and then ah find thuh three of ya disappear'd," Ziggy said as Florence and Kevinda approached. "Wait a minnit... Whar's Jim gone off t'?"  
Kevinda made sure to stay in the shadows where no one would be able to see her without make-up. "Two men, in black suits! They took Jim! They said something about taking him to the Temple of the Ancients!" She looked at Florence, expecting her to support her.  
"Y-yeah! The three of us couldn't sleep and when we were walking, the Clerks ambushed us and kidnapped Jim. We have to help him!" Florence exclaimed. She was trying to be convincing while using all her power not to tell them about Kevinda's treachery.  
"Those spoony Gengai marmosets!" Chazzy shouted. "We'll show those lousy smooting rats! Looks like we're leaving for the forested temple early. Let's kick those Gengai smootmarms right in their spoony marmoset of a smoot!"  
Muffie nodded. "We'll show them for stealing him away like some ordinary spoon!"  
Sarah looked at the others, nervously. She let out a bleat of concern and shifted about anxiously.  
"Don't worry Jim old buddy! Harry's gonna get ya!" came Harry's cry as he began running.  
"Harry! The plane is this way!" Jessica called after him. "Oh Jim... I hope you're all right." 


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen: Loss  
  
"We made it!" Jessica let out a sigh of relief as she squeezed her way out of the cramped plane. The others were hot on her trail, the only person who was ahead of her was Sarah who rushed out into the dense forest.  
"Wait up, Sarah! There are dangerous monsters on this island!" Harry called to the goat.  
It wasn't long until the group came to a clearing in the middle of the forest. In the centre of the clearing stood a large grass hut.   
"This is thuh Temple of thuh Aynshunts? Pretty small if y'ask meh," Ziggy commented.  
Kevinda remained silent as she wandered closer to the hut, Florence was a few paces behind her. She had her eyes locked on the fortune teller.  
"Jim!" Jessica called. "Jim, are you in there?"  
Muffie was at the rear of the group and she looked around sadly. "Not a single spoon," she sighed. "Hey, wait a second."  
As Jessica and Sarah, who were at the front of the group, drew closer to the hut, they heard a painful moan from within. Sarah bleated curiously as she cautiously stepped closer.   
"You guys!" Muffie ran up to the others. She held a bent spoon in her hand. "He's here!"  
"What are you spoony talking about?" Chazar demanded.  
"This spoon, it's one of mine. Olaf must have gotten it caught in his boot or something and then dropped it. He has to be here."  
Harry readied his sword. "We'll be ready for him." His eyes darted about and then he jumped at a sudden cry. It was Jessica.  
The others ran up to Jessica and Sarah who were at the entrance of the hut. Inside, they saw the Clerk, Murry, drenched in whipped cream, laying near a large alter. Above the alter they saw Jim, hatless, tied upside down and suspended in the air.  
"Olaf... He's here... He must be stopped..." Murry gasped as he tried to drag himself to his feet. "Helga... Parrot... Rusty... They're all in there... with him..." He finally gave up and collapsed. His eyes were shut and there was no breath left in him to bring him life. Florence gasped and stepped back, bumping into something as she did so. Jim started moving downwards toward the alter.  
"Guys! It's great to see you but uh... Little help here?" Jim said as he struggled against his bindings.  
Before Harry could cut Jim free, he began to go into the alter, at least, his hair did. The shape of the disastrous blonde mess on Jim's head fit perfectly into a set of grooves in the alter. The piece of stone holding Jim's head began to glow and quite suddenly the whole group found themselves in a dimly lit cave.  
Harry looked around the dank surroundings and gasped. "This is our safe house... The safe house of all those that can speak to the planet. Only a few hold the key to get in... How can Jim..?" He looked at Jim in astonishment. He was sitting on the ground, suddenly freed from his bindings, rubbing his head.  
"Here Jim," Florence said softly as she handed Jim his hat. "This fell off when the Clerks grabbed you." Jim smiled up at her as he accepted the hat and slid it carefully over his hair.   
Sarah then let out a bleat and gleefully leapt on top of Jim. The goat affectionately nuzzled up to her owner.   
"Heh, I missed you too, girl." Jim said happily as he fondly petted the animal.  
"All right, everyone's back together. Now, let's get off our marmosets and figure out how to get out of this spoony cave!" Chazzy exclaimed.  
"But where are we supposed to go?" Muffie inquired.  
"I sense... Our path is in this direction," Kevinda stated and began walking.  
Jessica looked at the fortune teller, then down at the path she had chosen. "What was your first clue? Perhaps the convenient trail of whipped cream?"  
  
The group followed the trail of whipped cream for some time, until they came to the entrance of a room that was lit with a bright, golden light. From the room, came a female's scream followed by Helga running out of the room.  
"..!"  
"Stop talking so much and run, Parrot!" Rusty's voice exclaimed. Parrot and Rusty were the next two to escape the room. Whipped cream streamed across their suits.  
"This hyar ain't lookin' too good..." Ziggy said worriedly, raising his shotgun.  
Sarah fidgeted nervously as she gazed into the room, unable to see what it was that she feared so much. Jim lay a hand on the goat. "Don't worry, Sarah. All of us together can take care of him. You don't need to worry."  
"Olaf! We're coming to get you!" Harry exclaimed and raced into the room, his sword raised high above his head. Muffie followed, letting out a battle cry, raising the single bent spoon she owned above her head. Ziggy and Chazzy were on her tail, leaving Kevinda, Florence, Sarah, Jessica and Jim still at the entrance.  
"I guess this is it, huh? We're really going to face him head on?" Jessica asked.  
Kevinda nodded. "I foresee success," she said, her eyes void of emotion.  
"We can do this guys," Jim raised up the Bungle Sword.  
"No one can stop us when we're together," Florence said, her voice slowly filling with confidence as she raised her rubber chocobos.  
Sarah let out a nervous bleat but she was ready to charge in with all the others.  
"Alalaorfaleed!"  
The five burst into the room, the cry echoing off the walls. Though, the sound that followed was a complete surprise. Silence.   
The others stood in the room, looking in all directions. They expected a grand battle, but instead what they found was emptiness.  
"Whar did'e go?"  
"There's something terribly wrong here, Jim," Jessica said softly. "Let's get out of here."  
"Where in the spoony marmosetting smoot are you Olaf?" Chazzy yelled out into the room.  
"Yeah, show yourself you big meanie! No one gets away with making me lose all of my spoons!" Muffie called out fiercely.  
Sarah's ears twitched and she staggered away from the main group. She trembled and squatted down. Her eyes darted to all corners of the room as she let out a frightened bleat.  
"Sarah, what's wrong? Sarah?" Jim looked at his poor goat and took a step towards her.  
"Glee-hee-hoo..." a faint whisper echoed through the room, undetectable by the ears of the others, except for Sarah. She let out a goatish scream and tried to run, but she couldn't, for it was already too late. "Ha ha ha!!" a fierce, maniacal laugh thundered through the room as a figure flashed downwards. Locks of thinned, silver hair whipped through the air and the figure's back trench coat flew around it. It swung the massive purple-black fish with a mighty force and Sarah screeched. The fish connected with the goat and she as sent flying through the air. She bleated in pain as her body was knocked into the wall and her head collided an instant afterwards with a shuddering crack. The goat gasped as she fell to a lump on the ground. She moaned as she looked at Jim for one last time then her body went limp and her eyes closed forever.  
"Sarah!" Jim screamed and he ran over to the goat. "Sarah... Sarah!" He bent over the poor creature, trembling.  
"Well, Sarah... It seems I won't get to share the full story with you after all," Olaf said coldly, a thin smile on his lips.  
"How could you? You... You killed her... She'll never go back home, never see Kalm again... She'll never be happy, or sad, or feel anything... ever..."  
"Oh please, she was only a goat. What possible feelings could you have for such an animal?"  
"She wasn't some animal! She was my friend! She was a sister to me!" Jim's eyes turned on Olaf with rage. "You..! You are the animal!" Jim leapt up and swung the Bungle Sword madly through the air at the despicable fiend that stood before him.  
Olaf swung Jimbles around and her green eyes locked on Jim. They flicked and a great flash sent Jim crashing backwards into the wall. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to take care of. Farewell." Olaf jumped backwards, then turned and ran through the door. A moment later, a shout was heard. "_Stupid_ walls!"  
"Get back here you coward!" Harry shouted out of anger and despair as he began running after Olaf. Chazzy and Ziggy were right behind him. Florence had fallen to her knees and felt herself starting to sob. Jessica gazed at the goat with shocked, watery eyes. Muffie stepped backwards dazed by the events that had just unfolded while Kevinda stared at the doorway emotionlessly. Jim tried to force back the tears but he couldn't and he began to sob as he hugged the lifeless goat to him.  
"We have to get out of here!" Kevinda shouted, no longer disguising her voice.  
The three men that were chasing Olaf came to a sudden stop. Harry turned to the fortune teller. "Madame Kevinda, your voice!"  
"I'm not Madame Kevinda!" she admitted. "My name is Kevin Devereux and I was hired to spy on you since the beginning."  
"Why you little spoony lying... If there's anything I hate, it's a smootin' cowardly liar of a smootmarm!" Chazar exclaimed.  
"Please, not now! I'm sorry for what I did, but there's no time to punish me. This entire place is going to collapse. We have to get out right now!"  
"Collapse? What do you mean?" Jessica asked urgently.  
"Olaf was here to get the Black Pebble. It holds the power to destroy the entire planet. He's going to remove it and once he does, the whole temple will collapse."  
"A pebble? How is a pebble going to destroy the earth? Besides, what's the big deal if a grass hut falls over?" Jessica questioned further.  
"There's no time to explain the Pebble," Kevinda said impatiently, "and more than just the hut is going to fall. The entire underbelly of the temple that we're in is going to cave in on itself. Now, let's get going! There should be a quicker exit this way." Kevinda began to race off and the others swiftly followed, all except Jim.  
Jim looked at Sarah. "I'm sorry Sarah... I'm sorry I ever got you into this stupid quest."  
Florence stopped when she noticed that Jim wasn't following. She turned to him and waved him towards her. "Jim, let's get out of here!" she called to him.  
He nodded in response and carefully picked up Sarah. He ran and caught up with Florence. The two quickly ran to their escape as the Temple of the Ancients collapsed and became nothing more than a pile of rock and grass.  
  



	21. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty: The Long Trek North  
  
"We don't even know where we're going anymore... How are we supposed to find Olaf like this?" Jessica asked, her voice was mixed with anger and depression.  
"Come on Jim. Cheer up. Sarah's in a better place now," Florence said, trying to be comforting.  
Jim had barely said a word ever since he let his departed goat float down to her final resting place at the bottom of the sea. All they could do was wander aimlessly in the Pygmy Whale, searching relentlessly for a sign as to where Olaf could have gone.  
"You know Jim," Harry began, "those that can speak to the planet, like me, have a belief. We believe that we are born from the planet and when we die, we return to it. We go to a paradise, every man, woman, animal and plant. Everything returns to that paradise and in turn keeps the planet and everything on it alive."  
Jim remained unchanged. He stared blankly at his feet, refusing to speak or acknowledge the others.  
"Come on Jim! She's gone! We all miss her, but we don't have time to mope around. With the Black Pebble, Olaf will summon a greater power that shall destroy the entire planet. Sarah wouldn't want us to waste our time like this!" snapped Kevinda, suddenly.  
Jim's eyes locked onto Kevinda's. "What do you know about Sarah? Nothing! You don't know what she would want! You don't know her at all! You're nothing but an impostor! You have no right to travel with us!" Jim shouted.  
"Jim, calm down!" Florence cried.  
"Humfubbler... Dundelfib... Extra lettuce 'n' tomato.... Quizgobger...." Harry suddenly entered a familiar trance-like state.  
"Whut in tarnation is he doin'?" Ziggy questioned.  
"He's talking to the planet again," Jessica sighed.  
Everyone's attention, except Jim's, was on Harry as he mumbled to himself. Suddenly, he jolted into awareness. "I know where he's going!"  
"What do you mean?" Muffie questioned urgently.  
"Olaf, I know where he's headed. Turn this plane north Chazzy!"  
"How do you know?"  
"Do you remember before, when Kevinda explained the Black Pebble to us? She said that Olaf would need a lot of power to use it, but if he got it, he could activate the Black Pebble. Well, the planet told me everything. Do you also remember what Helga told us about Hako before we got to Junon? According to the planet there is a huge amount of raw Hako at the northern pole. Years ago, Gengai believed that the greatest source of Hako was to be found there, so they went north. They began digging and formed a giant crater. Then, they found the better power source and so the crater was abandoned. Inside that crater is an open source of untainted Hako energy, the blood of the planet. Olaf if going there to use the power of the Hako to unleash the strength of the Black Pebble."  
"Can ya go back to thuh part whare ya made sense?" Ziggy asked, staring at Harry, more than a little confused.  
  
"Here we are," Chazzy said at last as they landed at the edge of a snow covered continent. "You'd better get your mittens on, because it's smootin' cold up here."  
Jim slowly got to his feet. "I know you're out there Olaf," he shouted, "and I'm going to make you pay for what you've done!"  
The party began their long journey across the snow covered earth. They were all shivering in the cold, but refused to surrender to it. Finally, they saw something in the distance.  
"What's that?" Jessica asked no one in particular.  
"Home," Florence responded with a smile.  
"What do you mean?" Jim inquired.  
"I was born in that town up ahead. I was taken to Wigfarm when I was very young, but Mom always spoke so fondly of Icicle Inn. At least, that's what it used to be called. We left because this company bought the whole town and changed its name to 'Froofroo's Skiing and Snow Hiking Death Trap'. It's nothing but a really bad resort now."  
"Sounds like fun!" Muffie exclaimed cheerfully.  
"A death trap, eh? Sounds great!" Jim shouted and began running towards the town.  
Jessica sighed, "I have to admit, it's good to see him back in a good mood."  
The others followed slowly behind Jim and Muffie; Harry and Kevinda were at the rear of the group.  
"I've been wondering for a while now;" Harry began, "we know that you're actually guy and everything, so why do you keep wearing that fortune teller's outfit? And why do you keep talking like a woman? There's no need to disguise yourself anymore, really."  
"A lady doesn't give out such secrets," Kevinda replied snobbishly and began quickening her pace past Harry.   
At the entrance of the town there was a giant sign that read _'We c me o roof oo's ki ng n S w i ng ea r !!'_. There were two men sitting near the sign, wrapped in fuzzy pink parkas. Both of them appeared to be sleeping, and quite comfortably, despite the cold.  
"Wow, I've always wanted to go to a 'King 'n' Swing Ear'," Jessica commented sarcastically as she looked at the sign.   
"Wha-?" came a sound from one of the parka-clad men. "People?" He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Oh my goodness! There are really people here! Sam! Sam, wake up! There are people!" He began shaking his companion wildly as he stared at the party with wide eyes.  
"What are you talking about Tony? We haven't had people here in eight years. You're hallucinating again," the one who was shaken said as he slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He then caught sight of Jim and the others and rubbed his eyes again. "Holy cow! People! Real people!"  
Sam and Tony began shouting words of joy that weren't understandable. They jumping up, dancing in the snow, and then ran off into the town.  
"Well um... That was odd," Florence said at last.  
Not another word could be spoken for there suddenly came a mighty clamour. Drums were pounded upon, trumpets blared and soon a whole parade marched up to the group. There was a marching band, people waving flags, and a giant banner, welcoming them to the skiing and snow hiking death trap. They saw jugglers juggling, dancers dancing, and a couple of clowns who were making tiny igloos from balloons.   
At last, the clamour died down as the parade passed by and a single person approached the group. The person was obviously female and was wearing a tight, hot pink parka. From inside the hood they could see a tuft of blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a big red smile. She spoke in a voice that would grate at the ears if it went on talking for more than three minutes:  
"Welcome! I am Froofroo! Oh, today is a joyous day! It has been a long time since anyone has ever come to my death tra- I mean, resort. Yes, that's it."   
"You're Froofroo? Wow, can I ask you something?" Jim inquired. "What were your parents drinking when they named you? I mean, really, who names their kid Fro-"  
Jim was promptly elbowed in the stomach by Jessica. She grinned and spoke to him quietly through her teeth. "Let's avoid another name incident, like with Choco Jill, shall we?" Jim kindly nodded in response, holding his aching stomach.  
"Yeah, we're just sort of passing through. Did you see a guy come though here carrying a really big fish? He might have left a trail of whipped cream behind him," Harry inquired.  
Froofroo shook her head. "No, you're the only people to come here in eight years. It was eight years ago that that family of four was kill- I mean uh... um... Oh darn, how do I get myself out of this one..?"  
"All right then," Kevinda suddenly broke in, "if you haven't seen him we should be on our way then."  
"No! Don't go! You can't leave! I'm flat broke! You're my last chance at business!" She fell to her knees and clawed pathetically at Jim's feet.  
"We really should be going," Jim said, his voice a little shaky.  
"What if... What if... I give you a free snowboard? After all, it's not safe to travel farther north of here without one."  
"But there are eight of us. One snowboard isn't going to do much good," Jessica pointed out.  
"That's true," Froofroo responded. Her eyes flashed about worriedly. "All right, I'll give you all free snowboards just as long as you stay at the resort and help us increase revenue!"  
"Wait... Why don't we just pay for the snowboards and then go on our way? That way everyone's happy," Kevinda suggested.  
"Why, that's so crazy it just might work! Yes! Gunfer, go get eight snowboards!" A short little man in a parka ran up, nodded obediently, and dashed off quickly.  
"It's too cold up hyar. Dawgone Gengai... Why didn' they dig thar hole somewhar warm'r?" Ziggy grumbled as they awaited the return of Gunfer.  
Time passed and soon the short man returned weaving along with the snowboards. He swung left then shuffled right, trying to keep the large pile from falling and crushing him. At last, he reached the group and let out a sigh of relief. A moment later, Gunfer was nowhere to be seen and the snowboards were sitting in a nice stack on the snow.   
"Whar'd he go?"  
Froofroo sighed as she looked behind the stack at a hole which was in a perfect outline of Gunfer. "I lose so many good assistants like that... Anyway, it's three hundred gil per board."  
"Three hundred? Three smootin' hundred? Are you a spoony crazy marmoset?! Who in their smootin' right mind would pay three hundred spoony gil for a smooting snowboard?!" As Chazzy finished his brief rant, Jim had already passed a bag of gil to the parka-clad woman.   
He stared at Jim for a moment, and opened his mouth to speak when Jessica softly interrupted, "Don't bother saying anything... After all, he _isn't_ in his right mind."  
The group was then led by Froofroo to the edge of the resort. There was a steep slope that ran north and to a great glacier in the distance. "Thanks again!" Froofroo exclaimed as everyone prepared to head down the hill. "Don't forget to tell your friends about Froofroo!"  
"Oh my!" came a voice from behind. "More people! This is a miracle! Two groups in one day!"  
"Be quiet for a minute! Have you seen a guy carrying a fish or not?" a familiar female voice barked.  
"It's Helga!" Florence exclaimed.  
"Let's get out of here!" Harry insisted urgently.  
"Froofroo, can you distract them for as long as possible? I'm sure they would enjoy taking full advantage of the resort," Jim requested as the others began to snowboard down the mountain side.  
"Off course!" Froofroo replied.  
"Don't you mean 'of course'?"  
"No, I mean 'off course'! Your friend is off course!" She pointed to Ziggy who wasn't steering the board very well. He let out a startled yell as he shot into the air and crashed into a snowdrift. They both winced when he hit. "Don't worry," Froofroo continued, "I'll deal with those guys back there. Take care, and be sure to come back some time!" She waved and Jim shot down the slope.  
Ziggy's legs were kicking from the snowdrift when Jim managed to bring himself to a stop next to him. He pulled the other from the drift and got him back onto his snowboard.  
"Dawgone snow. Thar's too much o'it up hyar," he grumbled as Jim took off down the slope again. "Wait for muh!" Ziggy wobbled along as he tried to pick up speed. Soon, he was flying down the slope, and catching up with the others. "Tan mah hide! Ah's gittin' the hang o' this!" He suddenly began to swirve and turn towards a snowy mound. He let out a yelp, as his board got stuck in the mound. It acted as a catapult, launching him through the air. "Dawgone snow!"  
"Sweet gooblin spoonies, this is a blast!" Chazzy exclaimed as he twisted down the slope. "Eat my snow, Harry!" He proceeded to speed past Harry, taking the lead.  
"Help! I'm gonna crash! Ahh! Help! I can't control this thing!" Jessica cried.   
"Oh come on, it's not that bad. It's all in the wrist," Kevinda called to her as she passed by.   
This statement confused Jessica for a moment, breaking what concentration she had, and sent her smashing into a snowman. "Who builds snowmen in the middle of a slope?" she groaned as she shook the stars out of her head.  
"Lalala, skiing along, lalala, singing a song. Lalala... Spoons?" Muffie's eyes widened. "Look Jim! Spoons! Giant spoons!" She turned in the direction of the large spoons, standing upright in the distance.  
"No, Muffie! Those are-" she smashed into one of the spoons, "-just ice sculptures," Florence sighed.   
"You know, this place isn't much of a death trap. I mean, what's so threatening? There may be obstacles, but they're easy enough to avoid. What makes this place so horrible?" Harry inquired.  
"No, Harry, no!" Jessica exclaimed breathlessly, after catching up with him. "You don't say that kind of thing, that's when bad things usually happen."  
From ahead of them there was a loud scream. It sounded like Chazzy.  
"You see?"  
The others quickly realized what it was that made Chazzy scream. They suddenly came upon the end of the slope. It ended in a sudden cliff that overlooked the great glacier. The others cried out as they tried to stop, but were unable to in time, and were quickly sent flying out into the snowy landscape.  
  



	22. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One: The Beginning of the End  
  
"Welcome to my home!" a scruffy, grey haired man said with a grin. He was looking down at Jim. "You folks fell through my roof."  
The others had been unconscious and one by one they awoke. They learned that the older gentlemen, Philben, would search the dangerous glacier for those who had dared to travel the cold and treacherous expanse. Though, no one had ever crashed through his roof before.  
"Well thank you very much for your hospitality, Philben, but we really have to start heading north," Harry said.  
"I warn you, the road north is a large and dangerous cliff with many hidden passages," Philben replied.  
"We'll be able to manage. Come on, let's go everyone!" Jim exclaimed enthusiastically. He and Harry ran out of the cabin and began to head for the nearby cliff.  
"Wait!" Philben called after them, but he was too late. He sighed. "There's a ski lift that can take you right to the top... Oh well... I suppose the rest of you can take it... I'm worried about your friends though."  
"Don't worry, we'll catch 'em. If you give me all of your spoons I'm sure we'll be able to get them much quicker," Muffie said with a smile.  
"Oh, of course."  
"Heh, sucker."  
  
"Ah dunno whut's worse: the dawgone snow, or the dawgone heights," Ziggy muttered uneasily as he looked down at the world below from the ski lift.  
"I see them!" Florence exclaimed. "They look like they're frozen solid. All right, Muffie. How are we going to use the spoons to get them?"  
"Umm..." Muffie shifted her eyes from side to side guiltily. "I didn't really have a plan, per se. I just wanted to get his spoons."  
"Great, just great... Now what're we supposed to do?" Jessica grumbled.  
"I shall use my psychic powers to bring them up to us," Kevinda said. She closed her eyes and held out her hand. "Come to us Jim! Rise up Harry! Rise up to the ski lift!"  
"Oh no! We're leaving them behind!" Florence said urgently. "What are we going to do? We can't just leave them there!"  
  
"Well, it's a good thing we found that tunnel that lead to this ski lift," Harry said to Jim. They were on the ski lift, far ahead of the others, near the top of the cliff.  
"Yeah, we could've been as frozen as those ice sculptures we made," Jim replied.  
"I can't believe how quickly we did that."  
"I know, it's like being out in the cold like this just makes everything icy so much easier."  
"Perhaps we have secret ice powers that have been unleashed by this frosty snow!"  
"Are you sure about that?"  
"I don't know, but imagine what we could do to Olaf if we did."  
  
After several more minutes, Harry and Jim were reunited with the rest of the group at the top of the cliff. They looked further north, and there they saw the massive crater that Gengai had formed long ago when Hako seemed to be the perfect energy source.  
"Do you really think we'll find Olaf here?" Florence asked, gazing out at the rocky land.  
"He has to be out here, and if he isn't, than all this spoony work has been for smooting nothing," Chazzy responded.  
"Let's go everybody!" Jim exclaimed.  
They took off into the rocky stretch of the northern crater. It was a dangerous journey, trying to make it past the rocky ledges and the tall ravines. At last, they reached a long path, that seemed to turn into a winding staircase of rock.  
"I'll go alone," Jim said, looking up at the place where he believed Olaf to be. "I have to do this."  
"No Jim," Jessica said firmly. "We do this together."  
"We aren't going to wait around here, we're all going with you. There ain't no gettin' offa this cliff we're on." Harry added.  
Jim stared strangely at Harry for a moment, then nodded. "We'd better get going, then."  
The eight travelled up, and came to a dead end made of rock and ice. There, they saw Doofus. Along with him was a man in a lab coat: Mojo. The wild-haired scientist was looking in the ice at something that the others couldn't see.  
"Yez... Yez, zis iz eet. Zis iz one ov zee VEAPONS," he muttered.  
Doofus was puffing his inhaler as one smokes from a pipe. "Zen zat meenz.. Er.. I mean: then that means that Olaf hasn't activated the Black Pebble. We still have time to find him."  
"Hey!" Muffie exclaimed, sending the other two twisting around in surprise. "How did you guys get ahead of us?"  
"Yeah, Froofroo was supposed to take care of you guys," Jim muttered, feeling betrayed.  
"We managed to distract her long enough for the two of us to make our escape," Doofus replied with a grin.  
  
"See, don't you look lovely in this parka! I'll put you down for five. Cash or credit?" one of Froofroo's helper's asked while buttoning up a hot pink parka on Helga.  
"I told you before, pink isn't my colour! Now let me out of here!" Helga shouted.  
"But you haven't even tried on the ski pants! Come on, let's get a few pairs on you!"  
"Arg! Why aren't you imbeciles doing anything?"  
"..."  
"Shut up, Parrot... If you keep talking, they'll stick on more souvenir buttons." Rusty and Parrot were covered in a rainbow of buttons that had various slogans such as '_Come On Down To Froofroo's!_ ', or '_Froofroo's: You Might Die!_' on them.   
"Oh look, there's still a little space here for a button. Norbert, go get the '_Visit Froofroo's, You'll Regret It_' button for me," another assistant commanded. A tall man ran off then returned a second later with a bright blue button. He began to put it into the empty space that the assistant had found.  
"Ow!" Rusty screamed. "That's skin!"  
  
Ziggy was looking at Mojo with a sort of anger in his eyes. "Yo'... Ya dang blasted Gengai dawg! Yer th' reason fer all'o mah mizzruy! Ah'm gonna git'cha now!" He lunged forward at him, and the others quickly reacted, holding him back.   
Doofus laughed and drew from his purple and green coat a long rifle. He pointed it at Ziggy's forehead. "Temper temper... You should learn to control it."  
"You spoony marmoset!" Chazar shouted. "You're always stepping on the little guy! I should spoony... smootin'... Oh marmoset!" He tried to hold back his rage towards Gengai.  
"Calm down!" Jim tried to console the others. "It's Olaf we're after, not Gengai. We can deal with them later."  
"I don't think so. Olaf if our business now. Kevin, deal with these scum for me," Doofus' voice was cold and stony.  
All eyes turned then to Kevinda. She gazed back into the stone eyes of Doofus Gengai. "I predict, President Gengai, that there is a severe ass kicking in your future."  
It seemed as if the whole group was about to unleash their deep seeded hatred upon the misfortunate President, when Mojo swiftly spoke up:  
"Zpeaking ov Olav... Zair he iz..."  
Everyone stopped and looked in the direction that Mojo was pointing. Sure enough, above everyone, stood Olaf on a bridge-like stretch of jagged rock. He had Jimbles in one hand and the Black Pebble in the other.  
"We have to get that pebble!" Kevinda exclaimed desperately.  
"Glee-hee-hoo!" came Olaf's familiar cackle. "I don't think so! You fools, do you truly believe you can stop me? You're sadly mistaken." He swung the giant fish and a spray of whipped cream flew down.  
"My eyes!" Doofus exclaimed, dropping his rifle as a gob of whipped cream caught him in the face. He wobbled left and right, his hands grasping at his eyes, then walked into the rock wall and fell over.  
"I release the power of the Black Pebble! Glee-hee-hoo!" A great surge of light emitted from the tiny piece of stone and ribbons of golden-green glimmer flowed out from the very rocks and pillars. The ice began to crack as all energy in the crater moved into Olaf and the piece of stone. A completely black ray of churning energy flowed out of the pebble and into space. It seemed to act like a black hole, pulling the cosmos in towards the planet. The earth shook around them and seemed to scream out in agony. There was a sudden blinding light and then there was only darkness. 


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two: Zee VEAPONS ov zee Planet  
  
"Huh? Ah! The light! Where did all this light come from?" Jessica moaned as she slowly awoke atop a cold, steel table. There was a bright light directly above her. She slowly sat up. "Wh-where am I?" She looked around for a familiar face. The only other person there was Harry.  
"We're in Junon," he said. "You've been asleep for quite a while."  
"What happened at the crater? I blacked out... Is everyone else all right? Have you heard anything from the planet?"  
Harry's lips curled upward, slightly. "When did you start believing I could talk to the planet?" He chuckled and then looked downward sadly. "No, I haven't talked to it for some time. I haven't seen the others in a long time, either. I'm not sure what happened, but I know things aren't good."   
He stepped over to a keypad and tapped a button. A large piece of the wall began to move, revealing a window. It was evening, and darkness was fading into the sky, mixed with brilliant reds and golds. However, the sight was by no means beautiful.  
"Is that-?" she gasped, pointing out the window.  
"Yeah, it's Jimbles all right. I don't know what the Black Pebble did, but it shot that fish out into orbit and made her the size of Wigfarm. Apparently, Olaf is holding up in the northern crater and no one can get to him. They think that he's controlling Jimbles from there..."  
Jessica looked out at the giant fish in the sky with horror in her eyes.   
"That isn't the worst of it. There have been these weird things terrorizing the planet since Olaf used the pebble. Mojo called them 'zee VEAPONS ov zee planet'. They're supposed to be guardians of the planet, defenders against evil, but they haven't done anything about Olaf. Things are getting worse all the time."  
The door to the room suddenly opened and Doofus stepped in. He adjusted his glasses and smiled. "Come along with me," he commanded. A few guard entered, handcuffed Jessica and Harry, then began to push them out.  
"Where are you taking us?" Jessica questioned.  
"I'm afraid with the state of affairs the way they are, the people are getting restless. So, in order to satisfy them, we're going to execute you," Doofus responded.  
"What? That doesn't make any sense!" Harry exclaimed.  
"I know, but executions are always so much fun."  
The two were taken through a room that was filled with reporters, Gengai personnel, and various others who came to see the executions. They stood before them all, and to their right was a black door that had one rather large lock on it.  
"The girl shall be the first to die. Throw her in!" Doofus cackled. He began choking and a number of men rushed to his aid with half a dozen inhalers.   
Jessica, meanwhile, was dragged off by the guards through the black door and into a tiny, poorly lit room. Pinky was waiting inside for her.  
"Kya ha ha! Executions always make me laugh. Kya ha ha!" she chortled.  
Jessica tried to struggle as she was locked down into a cold metal chair. "You won't get away with this!"  
"Kya ha ha! Of course we will. Kya ha ha!" Pinky and the guards then left, locking the door behind them, leaving Jessica alone.  
"Harry!" she screamed. "Jim! Someone! Anyone! Help!" She struggled to slide out of the shackles but met with failure. Then, she saw something on the ground: the key!  
  
"You're gonna get yours, Doofus!" Harry exclaimed. "Just you wait an-"  
A loud siren quickly cut him off, and an urgent voice cried out across Junon. "VEAPON attack! VEAPON attack! All hands to battle stations! VEAPON attack!"  
Out across on the sea was a great wave approaching Polka City. It was getting closer and closer at an amazing speed. Soon, the VEAPON would be at the city, tearing it to shreds.  
In the room, there was complete panic. Doofus was breathing heavily from his inhaler as soldiers moved in an orderly manner to their stations. Pinky ran out, along with the reporters. Harry saw this as his chance to escape amidst the chaos, but he still had to try saving Jessica. Soon it was only Harry, a reporter, and the President left in the room.  
"Mr. President, Kevinson Devereux of the Daily... Newsthing... Yeah. Can I ask you a few questions?" a man in a grey suit asked Doofus.  
"No! No questions! Wait a minute... Aren't you-" The reporter swiftly kicked Doofus in the stomach.  
He turned to Harry and slipped a piece of shimmering cloth over his mouth. In the familiar feminine squeak, he said urgently: "Harry! It's me, Kevinda! Come on, we have to get Jessica!" She quickly began to release him from his handcuffs.  
  
"And here behind us, you will see the great waves that the VEAPON is creating. In a way, it's almost like a great spoon digging into a bowl of cereal," a female reporter said into a camera. They were on the pier, looking out at the sea. "You will see that Gengai's finest are running into action to defend the city." Directly behind the reporter, there were innumerable troops rushing off to fight. Her leg extended backwards and one of the soldiers tripped. "Oh dear! How clumsy of me! Here, camera man, can you help me get this man up?"  
"Wif pleasure," the camera man replied. He chuckled, walked over to the Gengai officer, and proceeded to kick him with one of his lovely cowboy boots. He then threw the camera at another soldier, knocking him off the edge of the pier. The two high fived each other, then ran.  
  
Jessica reached out with her foot, trying to slide the key closer to it. "I've almost got it." She suddenly heard a noise. "What's that?" From above her head, a circular panel opened up and proceeded to send out a stream of melted cheese onto Jessica. "Oh gross!" She exclaimed. She then got her foot onto the key and started to slide it closer. She managed to get it between her feet, and in an amazing stunt, tossed it into the air and caught it in between her teeth. She leaned down, the cheese pouring all over her back, and started to unlock the shackles. In a few more moments, she was free of the chair. Now, all she had to do was find a way out of the room.  
  
"It's here!" came a shout from a soldier.  
"Oh my god!" came another shout as the VEAPON came out of the water. There was then a long moment of silence, then, softly at first, there was laughter. It grew to a great boisterous cackling as the mighty VEAPON turned out to be a green teddy bear, no more than two feel tall. The laughing did not last long, however. The VEAPON glared out at Junon and then let out a mighty roar as from its paws a great surging of white light sprung forth and crashed into the city.  
Shouts of shock and surprise sprung out, followed by the call to fire all weapons at the beast. Waves of bullets and cannon fire flew out at the bear, but most of it missed, due to the creature's small size. Any shots that did hit the VEAPON seemed to bounce off and fall into the water below. It then began to charge for another mighty blast at the port city.  
  
"Don't worry Jessica! We'll get you out of there!" Harry exclaimed as he pounded on the door to the execution room. "How do you open this thing?"  
The entire section was suddenly shaken. Harry and Kevinda were thrown to the ground, and a great hole opened in the outer wall of the execution room.  
Jessica, too, was thrown about. She shook herself out of a deep blackness a moment or two later. She saw that a large portion of the wall had been destroyed. Covered in a heavy layer of cheese, she slowly moved over to it and looked out. She saw the green teddy VEAPON, as energy surged around it. It was preparing for one big blast. It wasn't the only thing preparing though. The teddy was sitting directly in front of a giant polka-dotted cannon: the Polka Rey. The cannon was shifting and in a moment a thunderous explosion flew out and collided with the VEAPON, sending it flying off in a thousand pieces.  
At that moment, she heard a familiar cackle. Pinky was back... She had to make her escape now, so she swiftly climbed out the large hole and began scaling the sides of Polka City.  
  
"Kya ha ha! That VEAPON is no match for the Polka Rey! I'll watch them blow it out of the sky!" Pinky cackled as she re-entered the room she had left a short time ago. Kevinda and Harry had quickly hidden behind chairs upon hearing her approach.   
She looked out the large window, watching the VEAPON explode. Pinky cackled and applauded, then glanced at the door to the execution room. "She must be dead by now. Perhaps I'll go and take a peek. Kya ha ha!" She was quite surprised, seeing that there was no Jessica, and the gaping hole in the wall when she opened the door to the execution room. "She's gone!" she exclaimed and growled. "I'll get her."  
  
Jessica moved along carefully, and glanced back to see the scarlet-clad Pinky speedily approaching her. "Oh no!" she exclaimed, and began to move as fast as she could. She reached the Polka Rey and began running out on the giant gun. The metal was hot under her feet as she went.  
"Kya ha ha! You can't outrun me!" Pinky laughed behind her, and was quickly catching up.  
She was left with no choice, as she came up to the end of the cannon: she had to fight. Jessica turned around and Pinky ran up to her. The woman in red had the first shot as she slapped Jessica across the face. She retaliated with a slap of her own. This continued for some time, until Pinky sent a powerful slap across Jessica's cheek that sent her staggering back and off the edge of the Polka Rey.  
Jessica called out for help, and it was on its way. From beneath her rose up a great, grey ship. It was an airship! She fell onto the deck where Jim, Harry, Ziggy, Kevinda, Muffie and Florence were waiting.  
"Thank goodness we caught you," Florence said, more that a little amazed.  
"Come on, let's get out of here before they decide to recharge that gun!" Harry exclaimed.  
"Yeehaw! Less git outta hyar!" Ziggy exclaimed as he quickly entered the ship to give the message to the pilot. In a moment, they were flying off across the skies.  
  



	24. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three: A Hairy Situation  
  
Jessica looked around the ship in amazement. It was quite the technological marvel. Best of all, she knew that it had been made in Junon for the inside was wonderfully decorated with rainbow dots of perfection.   
She then saw a sight that filled her with great horror. "What are you doing?" she screamed. Florence was painting over the polka-dots!  
"These polka-dots are so ugly. Besides, I think they're making Muffie sick." Florence motioned over to Muffie who was doubled over in the corner, moaning about her aching stomach.  
Jessica began to gasp and shout in half-words, writhing her arms about in agony. Jim then began to drag her away. "How about I take you to the cockpit?"  
"Spoony airship! How in the smootin' marmoset filled spoonies are you supposed to fly this thing?" Chazzy shouted angrily as he pulled levers. The airship shuddered violently. A number of men in bright orange vests ran over to him, trying to get him to stop, but he refused. "I can fly this spoony can of smootin' sprockets! It just takes a little getting used to."  
"So where did you get the airship?" Jessica inquired, calming down a bit after the polka-dot affair.  
"We uh, 'borrowed' it from Gengai," Kevinda replied with a chuckle.  
"We're going to call it the Bluntson Flyer 3084!" Chazar exclaimed proudly.  
"Uh, Chazzy, I thought we agreed on the Smithmobile," Harry pointed out.  
"Smifmob'le? Whut in tarnation're yo' talkin' 'bout? This hyar ain't no car. We's callin' it th' AirZiggy! Yeehaw!" cried Ziggy.  
There now seemed to be an argument over what the airship was going to be called amongst the people who were flying in it.  
Jim then decided to speak up, "Wait a minute! Now I have the perfect name, and if you don't all agree, then I'm going to take off my hat." He smiled slyly, as there was a look of horror upon the faces of everyone present. "Very good. We're calling it the Hairwind!"  
The great ship soared across the sky, speeding past the places they once visited. It seemed like an eternity since their journey began. The Hairwind's soaring was somewhat sporadic, though. It shot up, then sped down towards the ground. It flew around in a circle one way, then another, and narrowly avoided smashing into a stretch of mountains.  
"Woa! Chazzy! What are you doing?" Jessica exclaimed as the airship tumbled this way and that, throwing everyone around.  
"It's these spoony controls! It's like they were made for a smootin' marmoset or something!"  
A man in one of the bright orange vests quickly shoved him out of the way. "I have been trained to fly this ship, so get out of my way and let a professional handle it!"  
"Why you spoony smootin' marmoset of a spoony marmosmoot!" Chazzy shouted indignantly as he struggled to regain the controls.  
"Oh no! We're going to crash!" Muffie shouted, as she pointed at the rapidly approaching ground.  
  
As the dust settled, Jim slowly stood up in a daze. "Is everyone all right?" he asked, looking at some of the other bodies that had been tossed about. A few yeahs were called back in response. The others were slowly getting to their feet. Things didn't look too bad. Hopefully the crash didn't do much damage.  
Chazzy was gripping the controls tightly. "That was no crash, that was a... bumpy landing," he said softly.   
"Where are we?" Florence asked as she brushed herself off. She realized then just how long she had been wearing the same green dress. She really needed to wash it.  
"Wherever we are, I meant to land here!"  
Harry gazed out and saw ahead a mound of debris. "Hey, I think I know where we are. This is Mideel, or rather, what's left of it. Let's go sight seeing!"  
"Harry's right. A nice walk will do us all good after nearly getting killed," Jessica said, a little coldly. Her eyes were focused on Chazar.  
"Hey! I said it was a smootin' bumpy landing! There was no killing involved, spoonit!"  
"Quit yer arguin', or ah'll gitcha wif mah gun," Ziggy warned.  
"Come on. Let's just go outside and take a look around. The fresh air will do us good," Jim said. The others followed Jim out of the Hairwind. There were a few exchanges of angry glares, but everyone seemed a little more civilized now that they were out of the airship.  
"Hey Jim, come over here," Harry said, waving him towards a pile of rubble that had once been a house. "I want to share something with you." When the two were behind the rubble pile, out of the others' view, Harry produced a bottle. "I made this a week before we left. It's straight from my bathtub. It's the sacred nectar for those who can talk to the planet. I wanted to share this with you, now that's it's nice and ripe." He grinned from ear to ear.  
"Um... Okay, sounds good," Jim replied, uneasily. He and Harry sat down, and Jim took the bottle. He opened it and gasped as the scent immediately pounded against his nose. It smelt like shoes, rotting fruit, and way too much alcohol. He glanced at Harry nervously. His companion had an anxious, excited look on his face, like a child waiting for his parents to open a gift he got them.   
Jim gulped and took a sip of the liquid. The tangy, bitter taste sank down his throat. He felt his mind beginning to spin. He felt as if his brain was slowly melting and leaking out his ears. The brainy goo began to flow out like a waterfall and splatter into the earth. It remained there, and Jim saw the world spinning around him. A few moments passed by, and the liquid that was his brain flowed back up from the planet beneath and squeezed into his skull again through his nose. His head felt oddly heavier, as if his brain had turned into a sponge and it had soaked up the knowledge of the planet. As Jim processed this knowledge, he began to mumble incoherently:   
"Orforofofoforrororororoooo....... Salamander strogle..... Uuunnnn.... Krono.... Trihgrr... Uhnderwhars that chinchinchinny woof...." His head slumped forward and then he fell back onto the ground. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his limbs twitched slightly.  
Harry wiped his lips after he took a swig from the bottle. He let out a satisfied exhale of breath, then gasped as he saw Jim's condition change for the worse. "H-hey guys! Someone get over here!"  
Jessica soon arrived on the scene, muttering something about annoying people and headaches. She then saw Jim passed out on the ground. "Harry! What did you do?" she exclaimed.  
"Nothing!" he hastily responded. "Well, I did give him some of my own home style brew," he held out the bottle, "but that's all!"  
The others were now quickly coming up to see what the problem was as Jessica began to panic. "He's as good as dead now!"  
"Hey, my brew isn't that bad!"  
"How can we revive him?" Kevinda inquired, peering over at the twitching Jim.  
"There's only one way," Florence announced. "Harry, give me that bottle."  
"What're ya plannin' on doin' wif 'at?" Ziggy asked, eyeing the bottle carefully.  
"I'm going to drink it! It's the only way to save Jim!"  
Jessica stared at Florence with wide eyes. "Did you hit your head on something in the crash?" Before she could say anything else, Florence began guzzling down the horrifying liquid and collapsed.  
  
Florence found herself floating in what felt like a sea of dreams. She sank down through an endless void of darkness. At last, she came to a point of light and a white surface with blue veins running through it. She began to walk along it until she came to a stairway.   
At the top of the stairs sat Jim, but it wasn't quite Jim. He seemed like only a piece of himself. He slowly got to his feet and he looked at Florence. "Five years ago... That's when it all started to go wrong," he said softly. A vertical pool rippled before them and a picture began to appear. There stood Jim, his hair was neatly combed back, and he was pressed against the glass of a shop in Kalm. There was a sign, edged in whipped cream, that read "_Out of Business_". "That was once the best hair care store around. It's business collapsed, and with it went my hair." He hung his head, then sat back down on the stairway.  
Florence looked upon the image of Jim quite sadly. She turned around and walked along the soft surface. There was another Jim, writhing about, tugging at his hair. He was translucent, slowly fading away. She could see beyond him to Jim's bathroom. Scattered everywhere were assorted empty bottles of hair care products and broken combs. The ghostly Jim walked into the bathroom. He started to stare into the mirror, still yanking at his hair. He began shouting:  
"Lather, rinse and repeat! Lather rinse and repeat! It's useless! I might as well dump chocolate on my hair! This stuff just won't work!" A ghostly vision of Sarah slowly walked over to Jim and gently tugged on his bath robe. "Oh Sarah, what am I going to do? Ever since the hair shop closed I haven't been able to do anything with my hair." The goat bleated softly, and Jim responded with a smile. "I suppose you're right. It's nothing a good brushing won't cure later. Tell ya what, I'll make us some tunasteak sandwiches with extra cheddar and extra gravy." His smile grew, he picked up a brush, and began to follow the goat.   
The young lady in green wrinkled her nose upon hearing the food in question and the ghostly images faded away. She turned quickly, looking in all directions of the void. "What does all of this mean?"  
"Lalala! Alaloofadoo!" came a young voice. Florence began moving towards the sound. She gazed out for a moment into the darkness, and then light began to filter in. There was Jim, standing alone in the middle of Kalm. He was so much younger, just a boy. He was wearing blue overalls and a muddy, white shirt. "No, that's no good. Arkansas!" He exclaimed and leapt forward. There was a very young Sarah playing with the boy. Jim tried catching her around the neck, but the goat quickly dashed out of the way. She seemed to laugh goatishly in a way, and swayed slightly, as if to dare Jim to catch her. "I'm going to get you now Sarah! Alalaorfaleed!" He jumped forward, wrapping his arms around the goat. He laughed with pride and let out a loud "Yipee!"   
A little girl in a pink dress decorated in golden polka-dots stepped forward. "Jim, you're so immature. Why do you insist on playing with that dirty goat?" It was obviously a very young Jessica.  
"Sarah isn't some dirty goat. Come on, let's show her!" Jim grinned dangerously and hopped onto the young goat's back. Sarah began galloping towards Jessica. The little girl screamed and ran from the two as fast as she could.  
The image before Florence faded to darkness. She was left chuckling as she turned back around. She looked up and started to get frustrated. "What does this all mean?" she exclaimed.  
Another Jim slowly stepped towards Florence. He seemed the most Jim-like of them all. "There's just one more..." he said softly. He turned and pointed. The area before them became like a stage.   
"Sarah! I was so worried about you! Don't ever run away again girl." Young Jim hugged a weakened Sarah in the midst of Wigfarm. There were two people there, they must have been Jim's parents.  
"Thank you for returning our goat. Our son was very worried," Jim's mother said. She was talking to an odd-looking man with silver hair. His clothes were blotted in whipped cream. A few strands of hair fell from his head.  
"It's no problem at all," he said. His tone was soft and chilling. "I'm only glad that she wasn't seriously hurt..."  
"We're eternally grateful. Come drop by some time, we'd love to have you over for a bit of cheese and coffee. We live in Kalm. You'll have no problems in finding the McFeatherburry farm! Don't hesitate at all Mr. um... I don't believe I caught your name," it was Jim's father speaking.  
"Just call me Olaf. And no, I don't believe I'd be able to drop by. I must be... travelling you see. I'm glad your boy is happy." He smiled a twisted sort of smile at Jim, then knelt down and patted the goat's head. "I'll see you again... Sarah..." he hissed into her ear.  
Florence felt chills seeing the face of the madman that had killed the beloved goat. The images that were played out before her were fading away like all of the others. She turned to the Jim that stood next to her. "I still don't understand. What does all of this mean? Does it fit together at all?"  
"I can't answer that," Jim replied.  
"Why not?"  
"Because... We're waking up."  
  
"Trest muh! All's they need's a good wiff o' mah sock an' they'll be a-hootin' and a-hollerin' agin in no time!" Ziggy said with a smile.  
"That'll be quite all right," Florence moaned as she slowly regained consciousness. She sat up and Jim began to do the same.  
"You're alive!" Jessica exclaimed in amazement.  
"No!" Muffie cried.   
"What're you moaning about?" Kevinda asked the girl with a furrowed brow.  
"I made a bet with Chazzy and I lost."  
"That'll be twenty spoons that you owe me," Chazzy said with a grin.  
"I'll get them for you, you know I'm good for it! Just... Give me a little time to say goodbye to them. I mean, they're the only spoons I have left. I barely got to know them," Muffie pleaded.  
"You have three minutes," replied Chazar flatly.  
Muffie began to wail and ran off to bid farewell to the spoons she received from Philben.  
"What was the bet anyway?" Kevinda asked Chazzy, glancing uneasily towards Muffie.  
"I bet that they would stay comatose for less than two hours."  
"So, what happened?" Harry asked the two. "This is the first time an outsider drank the sacred drink."  
"How sacred can something be, if it came from your bathtub?" Jessica inquired.  
"Oh, you'd be surprised."  
"I don't know if I can quite explain it... It was like I was inside Jim's mind," Florence described.  
"Really? Wow, I thought I was surfing and all these tunasteak sandwiches kept jumping out of the water and tried eating my toes," Jim spoke up at last.  
"Whut'd ya see in Jim's mind? Enythin' incriminatin'?" asked Ziggy, curiously.  
"We can find out about all of that later," said Kevinda. "We've wasted enough time in this place. Let's get back to the Hairwind and figure out our next plan of attack."  
Jim nodded in agreement. "Good idea. And while we're planning, we can fix up some snacks. I have a case of the munchies like you wouldn't believe. Do we have any tuna around?"  
  



	25. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four: Blowing Up The Corporate Ladder  
  
"We have to get to Olaf, but how?" Florence asked.  
"There must be a way to get to him... But with the whole northern crater sealed off..." Harry thought aloud.  
"You know, there may be a way to work around that," Kevinda spoke up. "Back when Gengai was digging up at the crater, they built a direct tunnel route between it and Wigfarm. It might still be there."  
"Then it's decided! We're heading for Wigfarm!" Jim exclaimed.  
"But whut'f them Gengai dawgs git in thuh way?" Ziggy asked.  
"Then we'll just have to kick them in their spoony little marmosets!" Chazzy shouted. This was met with large grins and nods of approval from the others.  
"And we'll take their spoons too!" Muffie cried. She smiled widely and lifted her arms in the air victoriously. Odd glances were the only response. She coughed nervously. "Well... Maybe we can do that another time..."  
  
The Hairwind cascaded through the air towards Wigfarm. As they came upon the great metropolis, they discovered a number of changes. The Polka Rey, the giant weapon that had once resided in Junon, was now integrated into the city and aimed directly at the northern crater.   
Even more alarming was the large whirlpool in the ocean, just north of the city. Rising up from it was a teddy bear coated in diamonds that reflected the sun's rays in all directions.  
"It's a VEAPON!" Harry exclaimed.  
"Not just any VEAPON. It's a Topaz VEAPON!" Jim added.  
"But, those are diamonds and-" Jessica protested.  
"The Topaz VEAPON is heading straight for Wigfarm!" Kevinda cried, urgently.  
"What do we do about it?" Florence asked.  
"We set back 'n' watch thuh show," Ziggy replied with a grin.  
"Sounds good to me," said Harry.  
"I'll make some popcorn," offered Chazzy.  
  
"President! The Topaz VEAPON is emerging!" a Gengai officer exclaimed.  
Doofus looked out the large window of his office at the glistening teddy in the distance. He took a deep breath from his inhaler and spoke in a calm, cold, nerdishly evil voice, "Fire the Polka Rey."  
The power plants around Wigfarm began to pump energy. One by one, the plants emitted great plumes of green smoke. Power was flooding into the Polka Rey. It seemed to twitch and sizzle as energy coursed through it. With a mighty flare, it shot forth a stream of gold at the VEAPON.   
Of course, the diamond clad teddy wasn't about to be defeated so easily. From the VEAPON's paws, deep blue bolts of magic were launched towards Wigfarm. As the final bolt shot out, the golden stream collided with the Topaz VEAPON and sent it scattering into nothingness.  
The blue bolts continued onwards, unhindered. Doofus gazed forward with wide eyes. His glasses then slipped down his nose and fell to the floor. "Where have my glasses gone off to now?" he questioned himself, filled with frustration. He blindly knelt down to the floor and started searching for his glasses. He suddenly heard a crunch. "Oh, this is the worst possible day. My glasses are broken! Those were my last pair..." As he said the words, the blue bolts collided with his office, and the rest Gengai building. Explosions echoed out as the blue bolts tore through the walls like a spoon through pudding. The office was incinerated, and the entire building collapsed in a mighty burst of flame.  
  
"Yeehaw!" Ziggy shouted at the top of his lungs. He swung his cowboy hat in the air and dig a little jig on the spot. "It's 'bout time Gengai got whut it desarves! Yeehaw!" Chazzy joined Ziggy in the jig. The two locked arms and danced around in a circle.   
The others had mixed emotions about what had just occurred. None of them really liked Gengai, but to see a hundred people die in an instant...  
"Come on, let's head down there," Jim said, solemnly.   
"We can't land this spoony airship in the middle of Wigfarm. There's only one thing we can do: parachute!" Chazzy exclaimed.   
"Let's go, then!" Jim's solemn attitude turned to excitement at the thought of parachuting. Everyone geared up and went down to the deck. The wind whipped about them as the airship flew over Wigfarm.  
"I think that's the place!" Kevinda called and pointed downwards. "Everyone try to land there."  
"Here goes nothing!" Harry exclaimed as he leapt off the Hairwind.  
"I can't believe we went this far just to end up back here," Jessica sighed. She looked over the edge uneasily. "Uh... Maybe you guys should go on ahead."  
"Oh, come on Jess! Don't worry about a thing!" Jim grabbed onto her and jumped, dragging a screaming Jessica behind.  
"Is ya sure thuh way t'thuh no'thurn crater's down thar?" Ziggy inquired, glancing at Kevinda.  
"Yes, now go!" She shoved Ziggy off of the airship and he plummeted towards the ground below. Kevinda followed after him.  
"I hope there are some spoons on the way down!" Muffie exclaimed and leapt into the air, down towards Wigfarm.  
"So, what's going to happen to the Hairwind while we're gone?" Florence asked, looking over the edge.  
"We're going to take the ship to the northern crater for you guys once you get out," a nearby man in orange responded for Chazzy.  
"Yeah, what he said," Chazar replied and jumped off the ship.  
"Well, here goes nothing!" Florence exclaimed and jumped.  
  
"What are the odds that we would all get stuck in the same tree?" Jim asked.  
"Especially since trees in Wigfarm are virtually non-existent," commented Harry.  
"I know. You'd probably have to be some world class mathematician to figure this one out."  
"Why don't you two be quiet for a second and help us get down from here," Jessica snapped. Her legs were dangling a few feet from the ground, and her parachute stuck on a branch.  
"..."  
"Parrot, can you shut up for a minute! I'm trying to process what just happened here!"  
"Stop arguing you guys. With Doofus, Pinky, and Jirdiegger all gone, we're unemployed. The Clerks are now free agents. I bet there will be tons of work just rolling in!"  
The familiar sounds of Parrot, Rusty, and Helga floated to the ears of the party caught in the tree.  
"Hey, we have a job for you!" Harry called out.  
"Harry," Jessica cried in a whisper, "what are you doing? These are the Clerks! They threw us in jail, remember? They aren't going to help us!"  
"Look at what we have here," Helga said, slyly. "It appears that Jim and company have fallen right into our laps."  
"Hey, I thought we were free agents now," Rusty said. "We don't have to catch them anymore."  
"You're right... Well then, you guys want out of that tree?"  
"Yes we do! And I'll give you all the spoons I have if you get us down!" Muffie exclaimed.   
"But, you don't have any spoons," Chazzy commented.  
"Shh! They don't know that!"  
"..."  
"Quiet, Parrot! Leave the negotiating to us! It's agreed," Rusty said. The Clerks then began to get the group out of the tree. It took some time, but they were free at last. "Now, hand over the spoons."  
"Hah! The joke's on you! I don't have any!" Muffie cackled and then began to run.  
"Why you little... Let's get 'em!" Helga exclaimed.  
"Oh great. Let's get out of here!" Harry shouted and ran after Muffie.  
"But it's eight of us against three of them," Jessica tried to reason.  
"I don't like those odds, let's go!" Jim cried, running off, once again grabbing Jessica and dragging her behind.  
The party ran from the Clerks and seemed to lose them when Kevinda shouted, "Stop!" Everyone skidded to a halt and Kevinda pointed down to a manhole cover. "I think this is the way to the northern crater!"  
"Why would they make the entrance to the tunnel a random manhole in the middle of the city?" Jessica inquired.  
"So it'd be easier to find, of course!" Chazzy exclaimed. "Spoony girl and your smootin' questions..."  
Ziggy lifted the cover and soon the party was on their way down into the darkness. The path ahead seemed like it went on forever.  
"It's going to take us ages to get to the northern continent by this tunnel," Florence said.  
"Not at all! Where there's a will, there's a way, and where there's a way, there's a giant robot thing!" Kevinda exclaimed. The sound of large gears moving echoed from behind the party. Everyone turned to see that she was riding on the shoulders of a terrifying red and teal robot.  
"Where did you find that thing?" Jessica exclaimed in shock.  
"Back there," Kevinda said, pointing behind her. "It's called the Stately Bumpkin!"  
Florence looked up at the monstrous robot. "Well, if this will get us there faster, let's go!" Everyone climbed up on the Stately Bumpkin. They were now swiftly travelling towards their final confrontation with Olaf, the fate of the world resting upon their shoulders.  



	26. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five: Cheeseless  
  
"Y'know," Chazzy began, as the group continued their trek upon the Stately Bumpkin, "I'm reminded of this play I once saw. I forget what it was called, what it was about, or if I ever actually saw it. There's one thing I remember about it, though... Or that I dreamt about... Whichever one it happens to be. Anyway, I remember right near the end, one of the characters says to the lead, 'You know, you really are crazy.' And then the lead says to him, 'Really? Is it crazy to try making the land you love a better place? Is it crazy to care so much for the people around you, that you'd go to the end of the world for them? Is it crazy to love someone so much, that you would die for that person? I don't think so. I think the only crazy one, is the one who stands by and does nothing. The one who doesn't care one way or another... That's the crazy one, not I.' My point is, is that right now, I really wish I was the crazy one, because what we're doing is suicide!"  
"Hey, we're almost there. Is everyone ready?" Kevinda asked.  
"We're about as ready as we're ever gonna get around here," Jim said. "I just want all of you guys to know that you're the best group of people I've ever met in my life. I know that if Sarah was still here, she would say the same."  
Florence smiled a sad sort of smile. "Guys, whatever we end up doing, I think we should do it for Sarah. She paid the greatest sacrifice of all. Let's not let her death be in vain." There were sober nods of agreement in response.  
"How much longer do we have until Jimbles hits, do you think?" Jessica asked.  
"Not long, ah bet. We hafta be quick 'bout this, o' we is all done fer," Ziggy responded.  
The tunnel began to widen and the Stately Bumpkin entered a massive cavern. There was a rocky path that seemed to lead to the heart of the crater. An eerie green light illuminated everything. The great robot stopped and everyone got off. They slowly began to walk the path in single file.   
Every person was silent now. Each step was harder and harder to take as they trekked forward. Fear welled up in their hearts, but as they thought of everything that they had gone through together, they were also filled with determination.   
Everyone was clinging to their weapons. Jim walked with the Bungle Sword drawn, Harry's hand was ready to draw his own sword, Kevinda held her crystal orb to her chest, Ziggy clutched his shotgun protectively, Florence nervously chewed on the end of one of her rubber chocobos, Jessica's fists were ready to strike, Chazzy produced an extremely long wrench. Muffie brushed past Chazzy and smiled as she stole back the spoons that rightfully belonged to her. Now she held them like oddly shaped throwing stars.   
The focus was now on the brightening green light. They were now approaching the source. Jim paused and shielded his eyes as the green flashed. The strange light looked oddly liquid, and slowly it began to turn red. Swirls of redness filtered into the light. It began to look like blood mixed in pus as the swirls became thicker. It flashed once more and it seemed as if the group was being enveloped in light. In a blinding illumination, they were transported even deeper into the crater's depths.  
Everyone was now standing on their own, individual stone. The stones were dark red in colour, but they looked as if they were comprised of a thousand smaller stones; each one a different shade of scarlet. The stones were arranged in a semicircle around a large blue stone. Upon it, stood Olaf.  
Olaf smiled darkly as he looked out at the group. He held the Black Pebble in his hand. The pebble was glowing deep blue in colour. Olaf closed his fist around the pebble and the glowing flowed into his hand. He lifted his other arm, and there was something strange in that hand. He lifted it across to the opposite shoulder. There was some duct tape on the end of it, and with a few pats, it was stuck to his coat. It was a long piece of cardboard with numerous black feathers attached. Some of the feathers looked as if they were about to fall off. Olaf's smile turned into a grin and he spread his arms open wide. From behind him, a choir emerged and began to sing.  
"Hey, let's have some cheese! It's really tasty! Hey, let's have some cheese! It's really tasty! O-Olaf! O-Olaf!" the choir sang, their voices echoing in the cavern.  
"He really has this evil stuff down," Muffie muttered to Kevinda.  
"Ah, poor Jim. For so long your life has been miserable," Olaf spoke in a hiss, "and it's all because of me! Have you ever wondered where all of your precious hair gel went? Every time you searched, it just seemed to disappear. Well, I had to feed Jimblesssomehow. She loves the taste of hair gel you see. Have you ever wondered why there's a trail of whipped cream that follows her around? Well, hair gel goes in, and whipped cream foams out. Ah, you were so blind to it all!" He threw back his head and let out a screaming cackle. "Glee-hee-hoooooo!"  
"Ah rekkon he's gone 'n' snapp'd," Ziggy commented.  
"Silence! You shall pay for you insolence! ..After I reveal my grand scheme!" Olaf shrieked. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes... Glee-hee-hoo! Now, with Jimbles about to crash down upon the planet, all shall perish and I shall remain to rule over the ants and other insects! They will worship me as a god!"  
"I've heard enough. This insanity is going to end now, Olaf!" Jim leapt forward, swinging the Bungle Sword. Olaf held the fist the carried the Black Pebble in the path of the blade. A great flash shot forth. It was not bright, but instead devoid of light, as if a black hole had been formed by the collision. Jim was thrown back to whence he came.  
An assault on Olaf began, as everyone attacked in turn. Each time, the attack was deflected away, no matter how many volleys were sent. Olaf was left cackling viciously. He lifted his arms and cried out, "Pie-a-nova!" From above, a rain of pies cascaded down about the party. Everyone was doused in whipped cream and beaten with tin pie plates.  
Meanwhile, the choir continued their dark song, "Yummy yummy yummy cheese. Let's go out for parmesan! Yummy yummy yummy cheese. Let's go out for parmesan! It is gooey! It is chewy! It is gooey! It is chewy!"  
"This is hopeless," Harry gasped, desperately.  
Jim looked from Harry to the rest of his pie-beaten comrades. Olaf had successfully deflected every shot they had fired. His gaze turned to their enemy who wore a cruel smile. Jim began to think, _Sarah, what would you do?_  
"Nothing can defeat the Single Winged Supernatural Being of General and Total Evilness! Glee-hee-hoo!" Olaf shrieked out another cackle. He grabbed onto the fake wing and wiggled it a bit. "Fear the mighty power!" The wing then fell off. He let out a gasping _ack_ and he scrambled to reattach it to his coat. "Where did I put the duct tape?"  
Jim stared at Olaf as he searched his coat for the misplaced roll of tape. The look in Jim's eyes was one of intense concentration and hatred. He took a step back, and then jumped from the red stone to the blue. Olaf was only a few steps away. Jim continued forward, picking up as much momentum as he could. He lowered his head; his hat flew off his head and disappeared into the endless darkness as he ran. With a mighty heave, Jim's head collided with Olaf's stomach.   
The air burst out of Olaf's lungs and he staggered back. He gasped for oxygen, clawing upwards as he did so. He stumbled and fell from the smooth blue surface into the darkness beyond it. He disappeared into blackness, leaving Jim and the rest gazing down after him.  
Florence gasped, "Is he-?"  
"You did it Jim!" Harry cheered.  
"Serves the smootin' marmoset right," Chazzy stated, gazing down into the darkness that Olaf fell into.   
Jim stood where he was, his face was unchanged, filled with focus. "He's not gone yet..." He said after a long pause. Before a word could be uttered, Jim jumped off the stone, followed Olaf into the black. He felt himself shooting threw a tunnel. It seemed to be twisting and spinning towards the very core of the planet. Through a world of sparkling light and deep shadow, Jim fell onward.  
Quite suddenly, he found himself in the middle of a great, black vortex. A single ray of light beamed down, illuminating the area around Jim. Standing before him was Olaf. He seemed to be nothing but a shadow of his former self. His silver hair hung lifelessly around his balding head. His eyes no longer glittered with dominance and malice. He was cold, and as lifeless as the void that surrounded them.  
Olaf threw himself at Jim, but his attack barely scratched the blonde-haired hero. Jim was breathing heavily as he took a step back from the villain. His mangled hair hung in his face and was formed in spiky clumps around his skull. His knuckles were turning white as they gripped the Bungle Sword. Olaf tried regaining the appearance of strength as he straightened and poised himself for Jim's approaching attack.   
"Omniwhittle!" He screamed. Jim began swiping his blade at Olaf madly. His trench coat was quickly torn apart, and what hair he had was being sliced off, hair by hair. Tiny cuts were made in Olaf's skin. It was being flayed away so that another form could be created from the lump of flesh and bone that would remain.   
The man was left gasping as fresh blood began to trickle down his face. He lurched backwards and his expression changed. Olaf looked like nothing more than a child, confused and lost. There was a hint of fear and shock deep within his eyes as they turned red from the flowing of blood. A glowing began deep inside of his stomach and he seemed to be floating within the darkness of the vortex. Bright streams of white light cascaded from his torso and he broke away into emptiness.  
Jim stood alone in the void. He looked from left to right and there was nothing to be seen beyond the endless black. He then heard a sound. It was the bleat of goat. He turned towards the noise. A powerful yellow-white light illuminated the entire void and a goatly silhouette was bounding towards Jim. He reached out towards it, spreading his arms.   
In an instant, the light vanished and he was once again in the northern crater. He fell into Jessica's arms and she pulled him away from a collapsing ledge of rock. The entire cavern was shaking violently.  
"Jim, we have to get out of here!" Jessica exclaimed. She began to run and Jim followed close behind. They caught up with the rest of the group that were eagerly waiting to get out.  
"Come on! The Hairwind should be all set! All we have to do is get to it, and we're flyin' fine!" Chazzy exclaimed. A rock fell from above, nearly hitting him. "Getting there is going to be the spoony hard part."  
"Don't worry, the planet will guide us in the correct path," Harry assured. He closed his eyes for a second, then reopened them. "That way!" He pointed and began running in that direction. He skidded to a halt when an avalanche of rock barricaded the path. "Erm, how about someone else leads the way?"  
"Over here!" Kevinda waved the group towards her as she ran. Everyone moved as swiftly as they could through the rocky cavern.   
"There it is!" Florence exclaimed, pointing up at the Hairwind above them. "Climb like there's no tomorrow, everyone!" They made their way up and into the ship. When they arrived, they realized that there was another problem.  
"The engine's not working," one of the men in orange vests said to Chazzy.  
"Oh spoony marmosets, not now! Let's get this smootin' thing into the air!" He began pulling switches and punching buttons, to no avail. "Spoon it all!" he shouted, rage echoing in his voice. He kicked the controls, and like magic the engine began to move. The ship slowly began working its way into the air.  
Jessica was gazing out the window at the crater, then whipped around to look at the rest of the group. "I think the whole place is about to explode!"  
"Then we need some more smootin' speed!" Chazzy turned and jumped for a switch. "Spoony!" he exclaimed as he pulled down on a lever. The engine seemed to explode as the Hairwind rocketed through the air. Parts of the ship broke away and everyone on board was tossed left and right. As the airship rushed out of the crater, a shot of blue energy thundered out of the northern crater.   
A collective sigh of relief washed over the group. Then Florence suddenly spoke up, "Hey... Where's Muffie?" She looked around at the faces of those present. "And Ziggy?"  
  
"Oh my gawd!" Muffie cried out. Her eyes were unblinking and her mouth agape. "It's beautiful!" She fell to her knees and tears began to well up in her eyes. "Never before have I felt so complete!" Before her was a rock formation, nearly twenty feet high, in the form of a giant spoon.  
  
"Gimme elixir!" exclaimed an odd little creature in a large, yellow pot. Ziggy stood before it with a grin.  
"Oh, ah'll give _yo_' sumpin' all right, li'l varmint," Ziggy said, slyly. He chuckled as he raised his shotgun. He fired at the pot, but it didn't so much as crack it. "Whut the-?"  
Beady red eyes peered out from the darkness at Ziggy and a multitude of tiny voices exclaimed, "Gimme elixir!" They were closing in on the poor cowboy.  
"Uh-oh... This hyar ain't gonna be gud..."  
  
"We have bigger fish to fry. Look!" Kevinda exclaimed. She pointed out at Wigfarm in the distance. The giant-sized Jimbles was there, hovering above the city. Whipped cream oozed from her mouth, crashing down on the people below, and destroying whatever it fell on.   
"I thought that by getting rid of Olaf, we'd get rid of that fish," Jessica said.  
"I guess that wasn't the case," Florence muttered sadly.  
"What can we do now?" Harry questioned, frantically. "Do you have any idea Jim? Jim?"  
Jim was standing silently at the large window. He stared at the giant fish as the Hairwind got closer to it. He was looking into its emotionless green eyes. "Jimbles... She made some sort of connection with Sarah. I don't know how, or why... If anyone can do something, Sarah can."   
"Jim, please. Sarah's gone, you just have to-" Jessica began.  
"Quiet!" Jim shouted. His eyes focused on Jessica's. "Trust me."  
  
_Jimbles..._  
  
The large fish twitched its tail. She somehow managed to hang vertically in the sky, facing down at the metropolis below. She was slowly creeping towards Wigfarm, ready to destroy anything, and everything, she could get her fins on.  
  
_Jimbless..._  
  
The whipped cream foam began to gurgle in Jimbles' gills. She flayed about helplessly for a moment. The cream continued to crash down, causing more destruction. The fish then shifted itself and with a mighty swing, she brought her tail down upon Wigfarm. A gasp shook the Hairwind.  
  
_It's coming, Jimbles..._  
  
Slowly, a rumbling began to shake the planet.  
"What's... going on?" Chazzy asked, quietly.  
From all corners, a flow of grey and brown and white seemed to be streaming towards Jimbles. The flow was lighter than air, moving at an amazing speed. There were thin streams, galloping out towards the giant fish.  
"What are those?" Jessica asked, squinting down at the dozens of streams.  
"Goats!" Jim exclaimed in astonishment.   
A great stampede of goats, light-footed and with the speed of a thousand horses, sped towards the great fish. They collided with her, letting out bleats and stamping on her purple-black scales.   
"How is that possible?" Florence questioned, nearly breathless.  
"It's Sarah!" Jim cried, leaping for joy.  
Jimbles writhed about in the sky as the goatstream stampeded into her. A great sound echoed out: the sound of all the goats bleating in unison combined with the great fishy scream of Jimbles. A great light shone out from the fish, engulfing the Hairwind, Wigfarm, Kalm, everything. The light reached a blinding peak, then faded away...  
  



	27. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
There you have it: the true story of Final Fantasy VII. It's not quite as exciting, it doesn't have as many fantastic explosions, and that whole goatstream thing might be a little too bizarre for anyone to believe, but it's all the truth.   
Though, now you're probably pondering the ending. It was worse than the one FFVII already had. After all, at the end of the credits there was at least the cool five hundred years later cinematic with a ruined Midgar and such. In this, everything just faded to black. Some kind of finale, eh? Well, now it's time for you to hear the true story of what happened to everybody when all was said and done!  
  
For a long time, Wigfarm was uninhabitable due to the large quantities of whipped cream coating the streets. There was a surprisingly low number of casualties caused by Jimbles' attack on the city.  
  
"Ugh... My head... What happened here? What's this? Why am I covered in whipped cream?!" Mukki slowly rose up, out of a mound of whipped cream that covered most of the Ball Market. He was looking down at his whipped cream coated body. "Oddly enough, this isn't the first time that this has happened to me..."  
  
For a while, the Clerks were out of work. It took some time, but they found the perfect outlet for their talents.  
  
"..."  
"Parrot, you're never going to get this mime thing down if you talk this much!" Rusty exclaimed.  
"You want to talk about poor mimery? You're the one who can't even get trapped in an invisible box," Helga said indignantly.  
All three of them wore their Clerk suits with horizontal red stripes painted all around and were covered in white make-up.  
"You guys suck!" a spectator called out.  
"Oh that's it!" Rusty shouted. He proceeded to throttle the spectator as the other two worked at climbing an invisible mountain.  
  
Since Jimbles was thwarted by the power of the goatstream, everyone could turn to a life of peace and prosperity. The only problem was, no one had any power. Gengai corporation was dead, and they were the monopoly on energy across the entire planet. A new source of energy was needed, and there was only one person who could provide it.  
  
"Welcome to the grand opening of SpoonCo.! We use the natural power of spoons to bring illumination to you!" Muffie exclaimed with a large grin. "Weee! I'm on T.V.! Look at me! I just want to give a big hello to all my friends in Wutai! Hi!" She began to do a little dance in front of the camera.   
"Um, President Muffie," a techie said, slowly, "the generators aren't on yet. No one can see you."  
"Oh... Oh well!" She continued to dance and began juggling spoons.  
  
Ziggy wanted to begin a simple farming life, away from the technologies of the big city. So, he decided to go down to Choco Jill's chocobo farm. He lived out his days very happily there.  
  
"So... Yer tellin' me 'at yer name's Choco Jill? Well fry mah hide! That's gotta be th' craziess thin' ah's have ever heard!" Ziggy burst into laughter as Choco Jill's face became beat red.  
"That's it! I've had enough of this!" He jumped onto Ziggy, bringing him to the ground. As he sat on his chest, he began to punch him repeatedly in the face. "What kind of name is Ziggy, huh?! Have you ever thought of that one?"  
  
Of course... The two had their arguments every now and then...  
Chazar Bluntson, at long last, managed to fulfil his dream and go into outer space. However, it wasn't done by traditional methods. It happened during a big party that everyone had in Kalm after the planet was saved.  
  
"Mera! Get me my spoony tea!" Chazzy shouted.  
"Oh, don't yell, Chazzy. I'll get your tea for you," Florence offered. She smiled and quickly shuffled off.  
"Hey, while you're waiting for your tea, try some of this," Harry said with a grin. He passed a bottle to Chazar. Without thinking, he took the bottle and began guzzling down the liquid. His eyes nearly burst out of his head, he choked, coughed, and then went limp.  
"Hummana hummana hummana... I... I see... Stars..... And.... The planet is so... beautiful from up here... Ahhh! Aliens!" Chazzy began flailing about. In his daze, he tackled Harry. "You smootmarming aliens aren't going to take me away for any of your spoony experiments!" He drew his wrench and began twisting Harry's nose with it.  
  
Madame Kevinda Devereux reconstructed Bronze Bowl. She polished the place up until it became Silver Dish. People would come from across the world to play the games there, and of course, to have Kevinda use her famous psychic powers to reveal their futures to them.  
  
"I sense that some day, something will happen to you. You will be given a choice. If you choose the correct choice than your chosen path will be one of prosperity," Kevinda prophesied.  
"Oh wow! Thank you Madame Devereux!" an excited young man exclaimed. He jumped up and ran off. "My future's lookin' good for a change!"  
"Next. Hello there Miss..."  
"Miss Maurey Smartsies," a young lady said.  
"Yes, I was just about to say that. Let's see... What does the crystal orb show? I sense... I sense that some day, something will happen to you..."  
  
Harry Smith returned to all of his drinking buddies in Kalm. Though, an odd thing happened. They claimed that they could no longer hear the planet. They didn't lighten up on their drinking at all, though. Perhaps there was some truth to what they were saying all along. Or maybe they just discovered some new delusions and they hadn't realized it.  
Either way, Harry eventually decided that the sort of life he led was no longer for him. He decided he would enter the world of politics. He ran for Mayor of Kalm, and somehow won. No one knows quite how it happened. Some say that he gave a bit of his 'special brew' to the vote counters.  
  
"You know what this town needs more of? Holidays! You can never have too many holidays. Let's make today Goat Day. Tomorrow can be Wear-Your-Shoes-On-Your-Head Day. The day after that... um... Let's call it Amorphous Blob Day! Oh, I love this job," the chocolate marshmallow said with a smile.  
"Yes Mr. Mayor, but regarding the budget."  
"Budget Day! Of course! This is why I keep you around, you're an idea person, you are."  
  
Sadly, he only had one term in office. Luckily, he managed to dabble as mayor once a year. Harry was smart enough to make a "Harry Smith Gets To Be The Mayor Day" before his term was done.  
Jessica G. Merry also moved on to a position of power. She grew bored of life in Kalm, so she moved to where her real passion was. She wasn't in Junon for long before she became the high priestess of the polka-cult.  
  
"The Promised Land is near! All we must do, is dance until all polka rains their blessing down upon us! Let us polka, polka, polka!" Accordion music burst through the streets of Junon as Jessica's words were decreed. Thus began a great dancing celebration through the city, the likes of which had never been seen before.   
  
Sadly, after twenty-eight and a half hours of dancing, the people became angry that the Promised Land had not been revealed to them. They turned against Jessica in a riot that nearly de-polkaed the city. Luckily, a raving lunatic named Colin managed to divert the rioters' attention away from Jessica by screaming something about stripes while painting vertical lines over a mural of polka-dots. Sadly, Colin was never seen or heard from again. At least peace had once again been restored to Polka-City.  
Florence got married to Jim and opened up her own restaurant with a very unique menu. The restaurant became very popular in Kalm and eventually a whole franchise had been formed.  
  
"Come on down to Florence's! You'll love the fresh taste of our Rubber Chocobo Rotisserie! Or, try our delicious Rubber Chocobo Stew!" a teen outside of a large building exclaimed. He was covered from head to toe in rubber chocobos and waving people into the building. A large neon sign read "_Florence's_" and showed the image of a chocobos head.  
"Nothing quite like it," Florence said as she chewed on a rubber chocobo wing. She was on her way out of the restaurant, followed by Jim, who was holding his aching stomach. "Wasn't that a great supper, hon?" She turned to face him.  
Jim immediately straightened himself up. "Oh, oh yeah. It was... delicious... How about I cook tomorrow..?"  
  
As for Jim, he avoided the public spotlight. As many of the others all became big figures in the world, he remained in the shadows. He refused to talk about the incidents surrounding the saving of the planet and shrugged off all of the praise he had received.  
For Jim, he just couldn't go off gallivanting in the limelight unless _she_ was with him. Nonetheless, his spirits never faltered. He was happy, and knew that his goat's sacrifice would never be forgotten by those that truly mattered.  
There was only one unusual thing that Jim did, or rather didn't do. He began his adventure in search of a way to fix his mangy hair, and after everything that he went through, he left his hair the way it was.   
While their paths differed, and some never really saw each other again, they all held something dear in common. Two pictures sat somewhere in every one of their homes. One was a picture taken after the world was saved. It was of the whole group during their celebration. The other sat right next to it. It was a picture of Sarah, looking out, and smiling a goatish smile. 


End file.
